Author	Thread: The joke thread
Admin	The joke thread Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 07:26 PM One of the things that a woman looks for in a guy is that he is funny. Here�s a chance to show your humor to the ladies. Just remember, everyone enjoys a different type of humor, some like it dry, some like it sarcastic, others enjoy a play on words, so don�t feel like you have to please everyone. This is an opportunity to demonstrate what kind of humor you enjoy. Ladies, feel free to jump in and enjoy. Post Reply
View Profile History	The joke thread Posted : 12 Nov, 2010 06:20 AM A man flying an aircraft on a test run, something happened and it crashed into to the ocean below. The man was able to reach the inflatable rescue boat. He pulled the lever and as the boat inflated it pulled the man up to the surface and then was able to climb up into the rescue craft. He was all alone in the vast ocean. The man began to pray... God please rescue me... The next day out of nowhere a group of people on a large boat happened upon the man. Surveying the situation the people wanted the man to get on board their boat to rescue him. The man however, waived them on saying he's been praying and knows God will rescue him. The man continued to pray... Please God please rescue me... The next morning another large boat happened upon the man. Again they offered their assistance, and again the man waived them along saying he's been praying and knows God will rescue him. The next morning a violent storm hit with Thunder and Great Lightning! The lightning struck both the mans floating boat as well as the man. Seconds later the man found himself in heaven... He asked God right off, "God, didn't you hear my cries for you to rescue me?" God answered the man, "My son, I sent you two boats!" Post Reply
View Profile History	The joke thread Posted : 12 Nov, 2010 11:09 AM A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain pig, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink pig. "I mean, what the heck is this?" (are you ready?) (are you sure?) (here it comes!!!) The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." Post Reply
View Profile History	The joke thread Posted : 12 Nov, 2010 11:09 AM I don't know if this one is funny,but here it goes.A man went at a farm & everyday he would steal the farmers' eggs.One day the farmer caught him & the man was later arrested.The farmer wanted to put him in court,but he was told by his layer that he needs a witness in order for it to be a case.Sadly,the only "witnesses" to the crime was the dog & some sheep.The judge thought it was the judge that it was one of the strangest cases he ever had,but decided to proceed on with it.When asked by the lawyers if the person of the crime was in the courtroom,the dog looked at the theif & said "youyou you''.TheTheif said "your lying it was'nt me".But in reply the sheep said,"yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssss"!! I think you will only get if you make the animal sounds! Post Reply
View Profile History	The joke thread Posted : 12 Nov, 2010 02:13 PM ooops! i meant the judge thought it was the strangest cases.. Post Reply
View Profile History	The joke thread Posted : 13 Nov, 2010 11:52 AM Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven. They are all asked, �When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?� The first guy says, �I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.� The second guy says, �I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.� The last guy replies, �I would like to hear them say, LOOK!!! HE�S MOVING!!!!!� Post Reply
View Profile History	The joke thread Posted : 14 Nov, 2010 09:29 PM A man takes his dog to a talent scout. "My dog talks!" he says, "Yeah, yeah" the world-weary, heard-it-all talent scout says. "Let's hear him." The man turns to the dog and asks: "What is on top of a house?" The dog clearly says "Roof!" The talent scout says, "Ok, - that's enough. Outta here!" "No, no!" the man pleads. "My dog really can talk - honest! Give us a chance!" The talent scout gives him another chance. The man turns again to his dog and asks: "How does sand paper feel?" The dogs clearly says, "Ruff!" "Ok, that's it. You two are getting thrown out on the street! This is ridiculous!" "No! Please! Give us just one more chance. I want you to hear how well he can talk!" One more chance was given. The man asks his dog: "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" the dog clearly says. Totally disgusted with the paid, the talent scout throws them out of his office and out of the building. Sitting on the sidewalk, dejected, the dog turns to his owner and says, "Do you think I should have said DiMaggio?" Post Reply
rainbowian View Profile History	The joke thread Posted : 15 Nov, 2010 04:08 PM when is a door not a door? when its ajar Post Reply

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