Author	Thread: Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Admin	Are Christian women getting too picky these days............? Posted : 29 Oct, 2010 12:54 AM Being choosey narrows the field of potential partners that's true, and having boundaries and conditions is beneficial also....so where is the line drawn? Have Christian women become too picky in seeking a potential partner? It is written in Scripture not to be unequally yolked and tells us how to treat a husband/wife...so for those of us Bible believing followers, we have foundations to start with....so why so many Christian women (including me) not finding what we are looking for?? I am thinking maybe we have gotten off track and are chasing a more "worldly" ideal man.....Brad Pitt looks does not necessarily mean happy ever after................or are looks a large slice of the "happiness" pie...? It seems to be harder as a person gets older to find a suitable partner but I am blown away by how many 20 somethings are also not finding what they are looking for.....seems like something has really gone wrong somehow.... Post Reply
View Profile History	Are Christian women getting too picky these days............? Posted : 30 Oct, 2010 11:46 PM siylii: ...Christian men and women are putting themselves on pedestals, so to them being �equally yoked� is to find somebody way out of their league. A lot of people go into a dating quest with certain ideas of what they will and will not accept, which is fine and probably good, but have subconscious prejudices and shallow ideals that they let get in the way. Everybody seems to want a clone of who they are, just with the different set of reproductive organs (going back to what sparrow said about male wives in a loose way), and that is hugely unrealistic. Virgins wanting ONLY other virgins (kind of unforgiving and close-minded if you ask me, so definitely not a �need� in my opinion), people without tattoos wanting somebody else without tattoos� it gets out of hand. Response: What's so out of hand, close-minded, and unforgiving about a virgin wanting to marry a virgin? You mentioned pedestals. For a virgin, another virgin is the same pedestal. It's not asking for more or less. You mentioned people being shallow in their desires. Keeping the marriage bed pure is a Biblical command. Are God's commands to us shallow? You mention being unforgiving. I don't seen virgins rejecting anyone as human or denying that they are God's children because they've fornicated. Forgiving doesn't require a virgin to surrender his/her desires and to marry someone who has fornicated. If a virgin wants to marry someone who has been sexually active, fine. If the virgin doesn't want to marry the non-virgin, fine. I would definitely suggest that forgiveness should allow for platonic relationships. You mentioned wanting a clone. This virgin(and probably almost every other one) isn't looking for a clone. I'm looking for someone who, like myself, believes sex belongs to only one person - our future mate - and not someone else. I'm not impressed with the idea of my bride having slept with other men, and I'm not impressed by men who sleep with what will be other men's wives. This is just one aspect of life out of many. To me this is very important. There are lots of other aspects and issues of life where her being different from me is not only fine, but probably vastly to my benefit. Virginity until marriage also practically eliminates STDs & eliminates any worry about being compared to a previous partner. Is it shallow not wanting to spread STDs and/or not wanting to get them? People fail to realize STDs can hibernate for years without giving the victim a clue they're around. Research I have read also suggests that promiscuity has an affect on divorce. I've seen surveys of now-divorced people showing that a very high percentage of those surveyed were promiscuous before they were married. The divorce rate is well over 40% in this country, and that rate knows no boundaries when it comes to those who identify themselves as Christians. So, in my opinion, I can have a better chance at a successful marriage if BOTH myself and my wife are virgins as we enter our covenant. So, you may consider people like me close-minded, but I call it being faithful to God, respecting what rightfully belongs only to my wife, respecting my body, and getting what God intended for me. John 15:7, 1 John 5:14 Post Reply
Koinonia87 View Profile History	Are Christian women getting too picky these days............? Posted : 1 Nov, 2010 05:10 AM Going against the tide here: NO, they're not too picky. Christian men and women alike are called to higher standards in what they seek personally and in a relationship. That divorce rates within the Church rival those outside it might be cited as evidence that they're not picky enough. If a woman says she wants a man who is fervent in his faith, a spiritual leader, grounded in his values, family oriented, and a committed provider, then I commend her for desiring a Biblically sound character in her husband. Too few do. Furthermore, if she has preferences regarding physical appearance or sense of humor�aren't they just as valid as your own? If there's a problem it's that, just as in all areas of our Christian life, we don't always act in accordance with our priorities. When the guys are lined up outside her door or flooding her inbox with those "Hey, 'sup?" messages, it's much easier to pare 'em down by "tall, dark, handsome, successful" than "devoted to his Lord" EVEN IF that's what really matters. While it's okay to go for what is acceptable in these other areas, We would do well as Christians to resist snap judgements and start at the top of our priority list much sooner. It probably means more effort getting to know someone, because it can take a while to understand another's faith and values, but it pays off. Not only do you increase your chances of meeting someone who is compatible where it counts, but you can slow down and just enjoy the process of getting to know fellow believers in Christ. Post Reply
Koinonia87 View Profile History	Are Christian women getting too picky these days............? Posted : 1 Nov, 2010 05:26 AM Regarding virginity it's a case in point. For some it's high priority and that's fine. I refuse to give it up before marriage and I would be glad to know my wife regarded it important enough to do the same. But what is really important to me is her faith in action now and her desire to serve and grow in the grace of her Lord. If I can see the fruit of her faith, yet she has made past mistakes and is not a virgin, even has a child out of wedlock, that one fact isn't going to be a dealbreaker. That same grace covers it. That's just my take from what I find most important. Post Reply
View Profile History	Are Christian women getting too picky these days............? Posted : 1 Nov, 2010 08:24 AM Testify, I'm very sorry if how you interpreted my post offended you. I was not making any claims against God's direction or trying to say fornication is "okay". I thought I was very careful with my wording when I posted my comment, but I guess I did not. I am sorry you took from my post what you did, it was not at all what I meant. Post Reply
rainbowian View Profile History	Are Christian women getting too picky these days............? Posted : 1 Nov, 2010 03:52 PM Testify2Luv There's also the risk of emotional ties to people that they've fornicated with. A decent amount of the time they go back and end up having affairs with those people. Post Reply
View Profile History	Are Christian women getting too picky these days............? Posted : 1 Nov, 2010 05:14 PM siylii: Testify, I'm very sorry if how you interpreted my post offended you. I was not making any claims against God's direction or trying to say fornication is "okay". I thought I was very careful with my wording when I posted my comment, but I guess I did not. I am sorry you took from my post what you did, it was not at all what I meant. Testify2Luv: I think we've all misread and misinterpreted things we've read. I did read your post 3 or 4 times before responding because I didn't want to accuse you of stating something you didn't state. Now I'm confused and puzzled as to what to take out of your post for those of us who are virgins & wanting a virgin mate. I'd like to get a better understanding of what you were getting at in your post. ------------ rainbowian: [Testify2Luv], There's also the risk of emotional ties to people that they've fornicated with. A decent amount of the time they go back and end up having affairs with those people. Testify2Luv: Sex creates a bond between people. Being a virgin, I've obviously never experienced it, but I know about it from many I've spoken with on the issue as well as from what I've read. I don't know the stats on how many have extra-marital affairs if they went into marriage as non-virgins. I'd like to think that cheating on spouses isn't as big a problem as you are suggesting. Post Reply
View Profile History	Are Christian women getting too picky these days............? Posted : 1 Nov, 2010 06:40 PM Testify, you have gone so far in reading between the lines and looking for trouble that is not there that I have neither the patience nor the time to go through and highlight everything you said and how it does not pertain to my post. I am sorry I have offended you; apparently you latched on to what you thought was my judgment of you and ran with it. You felt jeopardized or threatened, and I am sorry. Virginity is good, but it is not the be-all, end-all. As for statistics on promiscuity and your talk of STDs, if you love a person, those things should not matter and love should transcend those things. I do not feel like giving you a full response because you jumped to so many off-the-wall conclusions about my post, that anything I say in response I fear will also be dramatically misconstrued. You accused me of thinking ridiculous things. All I was trying to say is what I just said in the previous paragraph, and that is also all I said about virgins wanting other virgins. You are entitled to want what you want. Post Reply
View Profile History	Are Christian women getting too picky these days............? Posted : 1 Nov, 2010 07:30 PM siylii: Testify, you have gone so far in reading between the lines and looking for trouble that is not there that I have neither the patience nor the time to go through and highlight everything you said and how it does not pertain to my post. I am sorry I have offended you; apparently you latched on to what you thought was my judgment of you and ran with it. You felt jeopardized or threatened, and I am sorry. Virginity is good, but it is not the be-all, end-all. As for statistics on promiscuity and your talk of STDs, if you love a person, those things should not matter and love should transcend those things. I do not feel like giving you a full response because you jumped to so many off-the-wall conclusions about my post, that anything I say in response I fear will also be dramatically misconstrued. You accused me of thinking ridiculous things. All I was trying to say is what I just said in the previous paragraph, and that is also all I said about virgins wanting other virgins. You are entitled to want what you want. Testify2Luv: Nice. I suggested, being the fallible human I am, that perhaps I managed to misread siylli's post. I ask for clarification and this is what I get in response. Why would I feel threatened by a post that doesn't clearly suggest a threat? Don't know how anything you wrote could jeopardize me or any aspect of my life. Since siylii won't explain it, I ask others for their interpretation of the post. Someone surely has the time & patience to give his/her understanding of what siylii wrote(post #3 - after thread topic post - on page 2 of this thread): "Christian men and women are putting themselves on pedestals, so to them being �equally yoked� is to find somebody way out of their league. A lot of people go into a dating quest with certain ideas of what they will and will not accept, which is fine and probably good, but have subconscious prejudices and shallow ideals that they let get in the way. Everybody seems to want a clone of who they are, just with the different set of reproductive organs (going back to what sparrow said about male wives in a loose way), and that is hugely unrealistic. Virgins wanting ONLY other virgins (kind of unforgiving and close-minded if you ask me, so definitely not a �need� in my opinion), people without tattoos wanting somebody else without tattoos� it gets out of hand." My original response to the above comments by siylii is the 1st post following the thread topic post on this page(at least that's where my response was found as I was typing this). What's the conclusion of others of what siylii wrote? Post Reply
View Profile History	Are Christian women getting too picky these days............? Posted : 1 Nov, 2010 08:41 PM You seem angry. I have apologized and I dont know what else to do without digging myself a digger hole with you. I simply do not have time because I would have to itemize everything you said and point out how I clearly did not say it, and with your continuing negative reactions, what hope can I see in it? I am sorry. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Are Christian women getting too picky these days............? Posted : 1 Nov, 2010 10:34 PM It's one thing to want someone because of a personal preference(height/hair/eye color/etc). My conclusion would be that she's saying it's like...a step lower to hold a sin in one's past against them, especially if both parties are "forgiving/forgiven" Christians. I don't think it's "just" a personal preference, it's also devaluing/eliminating someone because of a sin. You're putting them beneath you. It just doesn't seem like a christian attitude to me. There are a few things in the bible that I think could apply here, like Mary and the mob trying to stone her for adultery, or the parable of the unmerciful servant, or...all that stuff about forgiveness/hypocrisy. The relationship between Christian believers and Jesus is compared to a wedding/marriage. What if Jesus told you He didn't want you because you sin, even though you've been forgiven? It's like deeming someone "unworthy" because of a sin they've committed, even though God has forgiven them. It just seems like that goes beyond "personal preference" to me. It's your choice though. Just sayin'. "In my opinion". :peace::peace: Post Reply

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