Thread: I would like to know if I am the only guy who thinks like this :
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I would like to know if I am the only guy who thinks like this :
Posted : 19 Oct, 2010 10:03 AM
I read in many female profiles they pride themselves in being "independent women". As a man ; I like it, no. . Love it when a women feels she can depend on me and wants to. It robs something very valuable from a man and the relationship for a women to take pride in her independence. Are not people in relationships interdependent on each other; relying on each others strengths? Isn't independence the antithesis of relationship?
Have I misunderstood? Am I the only guy who thinks like this? If not; do women realize this?
(I do realize no one wants a 'needy' mate who can't take care of themselves, so please don't take that vein when answering)
I would like to know if I am the only guy who thinks like this :
Posted : 19 Oct, 2010 08:21 PM
I agree with other posters that yes, it would be preferable for men and women to be comfortable depending on each other, but that we live in an imperfect world so many people feel they need to do/be things to compensate.
I would like to know if I am the only guy who thinks like this :
Posted : 19 Oct, 2010 08:54 PM
I think it depends on how "independant" is defined.
I think many other posters here have expressed it very well. I myself am an independant person but not because I want to be or enjoy being such... but because it's either become a homeless shame of a person who hasn't eaten anything truly edible in months and hasn't showered in years and only owns the holey clothes on her back or get a job and put your nose to the grind and work work work to pay all the bills and put good food on the table and gas in the car so that you can get to work to be able to pay the bills and put food on the table and go to work.
That said... at 33 I'm tired of doing it all... I want to be "taken care of" but I can't let my world fall into shambles while waiting for my "knight in shining armor" to come save me. I only pride myself in being independant because I made it... and am making it... and if there isn't a guy out there for me I will make it as best I can and not starve to death because there isn't anyone to buy my food or freeze to death because there isn't anyone to pay the heating bills. I have done what had to be done in order to survive... not because I wanted to be the "I am woman hear me roar" but because it was either support myself or fall through the social cracks to my death. I learned that at the ripe age of 13 when I got my first job babysitting a 2 month old from 6pm till 3am 6 days a week to pay for my school clothes and often times our food. It was further reinforced when I was 16 and got my first tax paying job which was used to pay for my and my mom's car insurance and even then I had to pay for my mom's insurance too because they couldn't create a policy with only a minor on the contract. By the time I was 17 I paid for my own clothes, school fees, school books, food, car (yeah it was a clunker that I only paid 300 dollars for but it ran and got me to school and to work and home for the 2 years I drove her) insurance, graduation expenses, and on a few occations some of the household bills. Then when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and her chemo made it so she couldn't work... I at 18 began to pay ALL the bills... rent, electric, phone, food, insurance, gas, everything... And ever since then... I've paid my own way in life and much of my mom's expenses too though she lives with me now so it's not as bad but still... I've always been the responsible one who has had to step up to the plate and has done so. Not out of desire but out of need. So yes, I'm proud that I have been able to go through what I had to as a child/young adult... but it has made me the understanding and empathetic person I am today.
However, it has also made me a person that people like to use because I'm so giving *shrug* that is a downside to it all.
ooh... I think the writer in me took over... have I written you all a book here? oops sorry... I'm bad about that...
I would like to know if I am the only guy who thinks like this :
Posted : 19 Oct, 2010 09:04 PM
Be of good cheer, :) God is in the process of calling out Nazerites, men who are concecrated to Him. A generation of men will rise who reject this age's standards and thinking, who will lead with love and wisdom. It is coming!!
I would like to know if I am the only guy who thinks like this :
Posted : 19 Oct, 2010 11:23 PM
:ROFL:
I dunno about other women but, personally, I find it really difficult not to depend on anyone, thank God I have Jesus. But, at the same time, I find it difficult to depend on other people since when they are not always present at all time or there are some times where they are not eager helping me (people have their own life, I understand), so what would I do? I just can't just stay there doing nothing. Then I start to figure things out on my own, and try my best to do all things by myself (though sometimes it is really tiring and I get scared a lot - like when I walk down the street at night and there were a group of men, I really wished that I had a man stand beside me to protect me, I believe there are always angels surrounding us, but when you are scared sometimes you use your brain and faith comes after).
I agree with other people said here that women start to be independent since they can't depend on any man again. I believe one of the thing that putting marriage in danger is, when the spouse is no longer reliable and the other spouse does not want to rely on others but himself/herself.
In my opinion, I think women generally want to be dependent esp on men. Like other said, when they said they want to be independent, they must have had something in their past that force them to be independent.
I love my father deeply, and we have a good relationship now, but he was a marine corparal! He's VERY dominering.
I was so afraid of getting a dominering man, that I made two dumb mistakes: the first appeared to be gentle and loving, but was as dominering as my father, plus physically abusive.
The second a weak "hippy" who want the wife to do all! "and I do meen ALL"
yes, they were my mistakes, and i own them, but you bet your boots, i'm independant, I've Had To Be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My family didn't help, I made it on my own with God and I'm proud of that!
Now I'm looking for a man who find this attractive, they are out there!:applause:
I would like to know if I am the only guy who thinks like this :
Posted : 23 Oct, 2010 09:25 AM
I completely second that!
I can be independent, but don't always want to be. A superficial example-my dad taught me how to change the oil and clean a fish, (typically men's roles), but I would be thrilled if a man cared enough about me to do it so I didn't have to.
As far as the losing your identity, my problem is that before I became a Christian, I got so serious about a boyfriend that the break up was incredibly difficult. Granted, I may not ever make that mistake again, but it is on my mind as a dependence issue.
Ladies, you should read Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. It discusses a lot of women's issues in the biblical context.
I would like to know if I am the only guy who thinks like this :
Posted : 23 Oct, 2010 11:30 PM
Jessie,
You said it. This weekend I had to put in a new toilet at my mothers. Not exactly my idea of a fabulous thing to do...but it had to be done and it was a choice between buying textbooks for this semester's class or hiring a plumber. Not much of a choice.
I would be thrilled to not have to go to Home Depot. On the other hand, for me, it would be delightful to know that my partner valued my opinion and took me along.
So as for independent...as many before me have stated....it is a situational necessity. A few generations ago, a girl went from living with her parents to living with her husband. She did not need to develop the independence required of those women living alone.
But just as women have developed this, so have men. Both groups don't "need" the other like they did in the past. However, I would propose that we need each other even more, but just in different ways.
To continue with the equally yoked...one comment was that the oxen need to pull together. I don't know much about oxen. However, with horses, they have to be trained to pull together. Yet, even after training and becoming a team, one of the horses must still be the lead. I wonder if sometimes we don't worry so much about being equally yoked, that we forget one must be the lead of the team. Otherwise, rather than pulling together and easing the burden, the work would be doubled because each pulls in different directions.
I would like to know if I am the only guy who thinks like this :
Posted : 26 Oct, 2010 12:46 AM
As a woman, when I say I am independent, I mean I can stand on my own financially & emotionally while I am single or single parent in my case. It may change if I get married because men are suppose to provide for the family and I guess most men consider it their accomplishment, being the man in the house to be the provider. But if our marriage comes to worst that he might be incapacitated to provide, well, being independent before the marriage, such woman could easily assume the role of providing for him financially & emotionally if necessary, no big deal.
