Hi guys, I've been wondering about this for nearly 10 years, and finally am being brave enough to actually ask about it! They say that curiosity killed the cat, but I'm hoping that's not the case here!!!
My question: what are some things about a young woman (say, college aged) that might keep a guy from asking her out?
I'm asking because of my own experiences, and those of my sisters. Over the years, we've noticed that our friends are asked out, but we are not. One of my sisters and I both had our first-ever dates this year (we are 27 and 24). My sister is still dating that same guy, and I've not been asked out since my one and only relationship ended in mid-April. My 19 year old sister has never been on a date. I'm thinking that it may not necessarily be a BAD thing that we didn't date in college, since it's saved us a lot of heartache over the years. Still, I can only assume that there must be something about us that keeps the guys away, but I've yet to figure it out!
I know that you can't tell me why no one asked ME out, but just generally speaking, what are some things that would keep you from asking a girl out? Physical characteristics? Personality traits? Attitudes? Mannerisms? What? Be specific!
I think part of it could be intimidation, because of your standards, who you are, and/or your education/career. I think that guys have leadership desires inherent in them, to a certain extent, and can perceive a woman as being a threat to that when she has high standards, has strength and depth of character, and/or is well-educated and in a good career. I've had guys explicitly tell me that they would feel uncomfortable dating me because I'm smarter than them, more educated then them, and making (well, WAS making) more money than them.
I worked for the Internal Revenue Service for several years, in the accounting field, and some guys would act like I was in the Mafia or something. One guy told me that he couldn't be w/ someone who was so powerful because it would make him feel like a wimp... haha... And I wasn't THAT powerful really... lol
I think you have very high standards (not to be confused with snobby or choosy!) This is something good!
You live by them and I think you will need a big flash light to encounter a man who meets these high standards.
Not at all a reason to lower your standards though.... just be aware that the man you are looking for is a rare.
You will not find him by dating everybody else.
Be patient Piano.... he will cross your path.... just do not deny yourself the right to look for a man that fits your standards because he has not shown up yet...
When you have come to my age..... we can talk again about keeping your high standards :ROFL: :ROFL:
until then..... nothing, I mean NOT A THING, to worry about.
I know so many people who had given up on finding love in their lives... they just felt that love, happiness, a happy fullfilling relationship, children... it was not meant for them but for others.... and none of them is still unmarried.... they have all found love.... so will you Piano. So will you!
:waving:
P.S.
If you are my age and you are still single.... then you can private message me (if I am still alive) :ROFL:
People can demand whatever they want. That doesn't inherently make it right or Godly. Where in the bible do you see an example for people to consider other Christians to be second class or inferior because of past sins? Why should I be expected to look past others' sins, but yet continually be treated as an inferior by members of the Church because of mistakes I made when I wasn't walking with the Lord? Why does forgiveness in the church apply to everything but premarital sex?
So, Tulip, just because bc would rather not marry a man who is not a virgin that means that you are not forgiven? It is not as if you can�t marry anyone, just not her. There are plenty of women in the church that are in the same position as you.
Second, there are plenty of things that we can do on this earth that have consequences for the rest of our lives. Just because God forgives us doesn�t mean we don�t have to face the consequences of our actions down here.
Having prior sexual experience with someone else bring baggage along with it. That is something I would prefer not to deal with. If God leads me in a different direction, that is something else. It is just that bc is letting you know up front that if you are not a virgin, you will have an extremely difficult time getting her attention.
A compulsive liar can and will be forgiven, yet are you telling me that I cannot look for a person who is honest and does not lie to me?
Premartial sex is not something that just happens when you do not walk with the Lord.... it is a choice.
So christians do not struggle with their sexual desires when they have deeply fallen in love with the one they are dating or going steady with? They just switch that off.... it does not take the slightest effort because they are christians... Do you believe that?
It is a choice and not an easy one to keep up with. It is not because they have nobody to date with or are unattractive or ignorant how to handle a woman or too prudish...
They have kept their virginity because they want their sexlife to start with the one they are married to.
I do not see why this is too demanding if these people look for vriginity in their search for a marriage partner.
Of course there is nothing wrong with people who are not virgins anymore. Please do not get me wrong on that.
And as to forgiving..... if we come to truly love someone.... then we love fully and completely, past, present and future.... this is the greatest thing about love, as I see it.
It isn't specifically BC. It's an attitude that's I've seen common throughout several churches. It really gets to me, seeing strong men and women of God being looked down on in the church for being Sinners because the mistakes they made when they weren't walking with the Lord aren't as easily hidden as the Good Christians'.
If you think any relationship, even a Christian one, ends without baggage, you're fooling yourself. The only way to avoid baggage is to avoid people altogether.
Im going to have to agree with Tulip on this one, and this was my point when I asked why do you want somenone who is not a virgin, or never been married?
Do you believe that you are entitled to a unmaried virgin? Is this something that you deserve? Becareful of your attitude, I know from experience God will not bless you if your attitude is wrong. If I am not humble and fear the Lord His hand will be against me regardless of my accomplishments or not. WE deserve nothing less than HELL and DEATH!! It was grace that saved you, and it will be grace that will attract the right man, because there is nothing worse than meeting the one who meets your standards and you fail to meet theirs. :)
Wanting someone who is a virgin is the MARRIAGE IDEAL. Wanting what she wants is NOT SINFUL, so what's it to you? Don't let any guy tell you that what you want is wrong, improper, unChristian, or anything else. I could speculate upon their motives, but the few thoughts that spring to mind aren't very charitable.
And for the record, her profile is NOT picky. She has the guts to spell out what she wants and not just take anything that stumbles by and that's bad? Even if she was attracted to only baldheaded Eskimos with a limp, again, what's it to you? I like tallish reformed redheads who appreciate metal and literature. Am I doing something wrong, too?
Now, finally, to answer the original question. There are many reasons why a guy won't ask a girl out. First, the guy has to be attracted. No attraction = no motivation. Second, the guy has to feel like he has a chance. If the girl has it all going on, or has a lot of guy friends, or is aloof, or very talented, and so forth, the guy will probably think he stands no chance. Third, the guy has to see some kind of commonality between himself and the girl (unless he's really suave and shallow). I could really be drawn to that astronomy professor who stands at 5'8" with beautiful locks of auburn, but I know precious little about the stars, so I'd probably never say a thing. It all boils down, though, to the guy being able to be in a position of strength. This is why very few women CEOs get asked out, but waitresses get hit on every hour.
