Author	Thread: babies
Admin	babies Posted : 26 Aug, 2010 09:11 PM Just out of curiosity: 1. How many children do you want? 2. Would you date and/or marry someone who wanted a different # of children than you do? Would you try to compromise or is that a dealbreaker? 3. Would you adopt? 4. Would you leave your wife if she got pregnant after the 2 of you agreed to not have children? 5. Would you leave your wife if you agreed to have children but then she couldn't get pregnant or carry a baby to term? Post Reply
View Profile History	babies Posted : 28 Aug, 2010 01:38 AM Tulip, don't be silly bringing up the wisdom teeth issue. It's hardly the same, removing one tooth if there's 31 other left, or depriving someone from the ability of conceiving/ever having a baby! You're a smart guy so I know you do get the difference :nahnah: However, in my view, removing a completely healthy tooth is stupid (unless it is for some major health reasons, like if your teeth are too big to fit in your jaw and you have some of them pulled in order to let the dentist put braces on to make them straight which helps to prevent cavity/tartar). I must say I quite agree with Pixy regarding the use of contraception. No artificial hormones thank you very much. I once had to undergo a hormonal treatment which was supposed to help with acne and PMS. I am not convinced whether the treatment helped, but for sure I know it messed up my cycle which used to be very regular. It took me almost a year to have regular ovulations again. So I say no to hormones, and no to IUDs. Abstaining from sex might be bothersome I guess. But I will think how to cross that bridge when I come to it :angel: Having read a lot of scientific reports, and watching my friends using these forms of birth control, I think the natural methodes are very effective in determinig the fertile/infertile periods of a woman's cycle. So I can enjoy a total freedom for the most of the month and use a condom/cervical cap during those few days around the ovulation time. Well anyways, I am open to discussion. I am going to talk about our expectations and concerns with my future husband. Godslamb, thank you for your input. I fear though that most people would say they can't afford another baby when it means they would have to sell they Porche or their summer lodge in Cayman Islands to provide for this baby. Too often people aren't ready to give up some of their luxuries for the kingdom of God. I am not saying that everybody has to do that, but personally I long for a simple life where there would always be room for another baby, born or adopted, according to God's will. Oh and becoming a surrogate mother - no. I wouldn't agree to carry another woman's baby, nor would I ask someone else to do that for me. The fact that humans are clever enough to invent such methods does not mean we Christians should embrace them. I think we need to protect our hearts - such procedures put our hearts in very vulnerable positions! If my husband and I couldn't have own babies, I would go for adoption. In fact I'd like to adopt one or two kids also when I have a child/children of my own. Again, this is something I am going to talk through with my spouse :) Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	babies Posted : 28 Aug, 2010 09:14 AM It really isn't a silly comparison though. They're both elective surgeries. The surgeon is doing what I ask to make my life more convenient. If I request a vasectomy, I'm not being deprived of anything. If I was kidnapped and woke up with one, that would obviously be a serious deal. If you look at large families, like the Duggars, they got to a point a long time ago where they couldn't take care of all their kids. They had to assign an older kid to take care of the younger kid. As a parent I only have a limited amount of time, and I would much rather invest heavily in two or three kids than be run ragged by 5 or 6. I want to be able to make it to all my kids' games, plays, recitals, etc., but if there are three games at once, one kid is going to have to play without a parent watching. I have to work too, which means I'll only have nights and weekends to spend time with my kids, and once you get to 4, even knowing what's going on in their lives becomes a huge challenge. I also can't leave the spiritual guidance of them up to church or even Christian schools. They need an active father figure in all of their lives. I'm sure God calls some people to have large families, but children are a lot of work, money, and responsibility, and people shouldn't just keep having them just because they like babies. Even if you can provide financially for them, can both parents really give all of them the attention and relationship they deserve? Even our family friends with only 7 kids have to enlist the help of the older kids to do some of the parenting. I would never want to place that burden on any of my children. There are plenty of reasons to want to make sure you don't have any more children, and I don't consider it being deprived at all if it means I don't have to deprive my fewer children of a strong relationship with their father. Post Reply
View Profile History	babies Posted : 28 Aug, 2010 10:17 AM You make some good points, Tulip. Marian - not every woman has a regular cycle that lends itself to natural methods. When I researched natural methods when I was much younger I could not use them. That's why God gave us brains and reasoning. Always keeping in mind that we should seek His will and make our decisions with lots of prayer. Post Reply
View Profile History	babies Posted : 28 Aug, 2010 10:18 AM Tulip made some very good points about family size. Those are my main reasons for deciding that 1-4 would be a more suitable # of children than 7. As much fun as Julie Andrews appears to have in "The Sound of Music," I just don't think I could parent that many children well. I want to know each of my children on a deep, personal level and spend a lot of time with them individually. In my family, there are 2 of us children. My brother is 2 years older and has autism and my father was gone on government/business travel a lot, so even with just 2 children, my mother seemed to constantly be stressed out and about ready to lose her mind. But she did make time for me individually. She stayed home with us (because she and my dad decided she would before they even got married and because my brother was probably too out of control to be in daycare anyways). My mom spent several hours a day with just me. She would get my brother involved in something that would occupy him for a awhile and then do crafts with me or play Barbies with me or read to me or whatever. I can't imagine being so busy with so many kids that I couldn't set aside a few hours to spend with just one of them on a regular basis =( I'd feel like I wasn't being a good mother and like I wasn't training my children spiritually. Post Reply
View Profile History	babies Posted : 28 Aug, 2010 10:25 AM RE: natural birth control methods Yeah, my cycle isn't always regular (it goes through phases). I can usually feel myself ovulate, though... Of course, a woman is fertile for a few days before she ovulates... She's most fertile in the 24-48 hours before, I think, actually. So, by the time I would feel myself ovulate, I might already by on my way to making a mini pixy! And while 1 or 2 mini pixies would be really cute, a dozen would be a total pixy zoo! Post Reply
View Profile History	babies Posted : 28 Aug, 2010 10:29 AM Oh, and about 1/2 the time, I feel myself ovulate on the left side, about a 1/4 of the time on the right, and about 1/4 of the time on BOTH sides. So I think that out of about 1 out of every 4 cycles, that I kicking out 2 little eggs, which means possible TWINS! Usually, when I ovulate on both sides, it happens a couple of hours apart. I'll feel the little popping/fluttering/cramp thingy on one side and then later on the other. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	babies Posted : 28 Aug, 2010 10:44 AM I think some women can have a bunch of kids and keep up a strong relationship with them. I think some men can do the same thing, although it's rarer due to having to work to support the family. When those two people get together, I don't see anything wrong with having a big family. However, if it isn't a mutual match, then I think it's unfair to the other parent. Can you imagine being a woman only equipped to handle two kids, but being left with five of them all day? Can you imagine being a husband and having to continually work more to bring home enough money to support your ever-growing family and getting to spend less and less time with them, but not really having a choice? Post Reply
View Profile History	babies Posted : 28 Aug, 2010 11:08 AM Yeah, I'm sure that some people can. And maybe it's just one of those things that you get a better feel of as you go along. Being childless right now, I really actually don't have much of an idea of what I can handle as far as children goes. But I know that when I get married, the future hubby and I will spend lots of time in prayer over the issue and rely on the Lord's wisdom. CDFF should start a site for married people, so that when all of us get married someday, we can post updates on our lives and how many babies we're actually having =) Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	babies Posted : 28 Aug, 2010 11:10 AM A dating site for married Christians? Somehow I don't think that would go over so well haha Post Reply
View Profile History	babies Posted : 28 Aug, 2010 11:17 AM LOL... Nooo... Not a dating site... A site for married people to talk about married people issues. You know how there's that wedding site called The Knot? They have this site called The Nest too for when after you get married and they post marriage advice and have forums where people can talk about married life. It would be cool to have a Christian version of that. Focus on the Family has something like that, I think, but CDFF could do something like that too! Post Reply

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