Author	Thread: Why do men cheat?
Admin	Why do men cheat? Posted : 24 Jul, 2010 04:46 PM I know. I know. You all are upstanding Christian men who would never consider/do such a thing. :-) It can come from your own experience (if there is anyone that transparent and brave), what you've picked up from locker room talk, friends, family, etc... Maybe you were tempted to cheat, but didn't. What was that reason(s)? We women talk about it amongst ourselves about what WE THINK the reasons are. Enlighten us! Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do men cheat? Posted : 26 Jul, 2010 09:57 PM Thilo, boy you better preach it!!! I agree with everything you said and I'm a little angry that you said it better than I would have. : ) Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do men cheat? Posted : 27 Jul, 2010 07:46 AM I guess what I'm getting confused with is the nature of the relationship for it to equal cheating. If you're bf/gf or married it's pretty obvious that yes there is a responsibility and priority that comes with that to be loyal. However leading up to that when you're just dating but not really sure? And understand I really believe in being upfront with women at that stage, but people need to understand that doesn't mean you're "together" yet. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't and you don't really know till you do. That's why we date. If it's not going to then you should still keep their best interest in mind and tell them. If you don't and just avoid it then that's leading them on. But if you don't get a chance to and things just happen like in skinny's case I don't consider it cheating, maybe leading her on if you have a big enough imagination, but hindsight is always 20/20. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Why do men cheat? Posted : 27 Jul, 2010 08:38 AM Wasn't saying it wasn't cheating...was just saying that non-premeditated adultery would be less of an offense against your partner, just like manslaughter would be less of an offense than premeditated murder. It's all sin and worthy of the same punishment, of course. Who else needs a soap box?:goofball: Apparently I'm handing them out. :peace::peace: Post Reply
skinnywhiteboy View Profile History	Why do men cheat? Posted : 27 Jul, 2010 02:11 PM Hey guys, thanks for not taking any shots at me:glow: Brandon, I laughed when I read your response:). Aside from my own story, I think men cheat because they're wired differently from women. Men are looking for one thing, and that's "release" once that's done, it's over with, and often, so is the desire to cheat. If one's in a loving relationship, he's already fallen for the woman, and his "mistake" is something physical. With women, it tends to run "deeper" into them I think. Most women wouldn't make the mistake of actually "doing" anything if it hasn't been running through her mind already. In looking at my own story, I would like to say that I called my girl early the next day, and left her, and never spoke to her again. The nurse I remain friends with to this day. I know it sounds horrible, but since it's out there... Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do men cheat? Posted : 27 Jul, 2010 05:30 PM Actually, Skinny, it doesn't sound horrible at all. On Facebook, I belong to the group, 'Why Cheat, Just Leave'. I'm a firm believer in whether it be a gf, bf, wife or husband, if u are getting ready to cheat, leave them. None of it is right, but u can omit inflicting the pain of deception. I have a problem with the selfishness of wanting your spouse and yo 'thang' on the side. BTW, my peeps that wish to be fb friends, hit me up in my inbox. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do men cheat? Posted : 28 Jul, 2010 06:45 AM Also, for those who may be interested, I have a 'group' on fb called 'Sharon Says...'. Charles (Edw) & some of you may remember Leslie (gracemercy) are my administrators. You have to join the group to post. Hope to see yall! Post Reply
Elimelech View Profile History	Why do men cheat? Posted : 28 Jul, 2010 12:24 PM Quote: "when you get ready to cheat, leave them" Ok, now I get the picture. So we are not talking about biblical teaching here at all, do we? Its all about "do what you want, as long as nobody gets hurt seriously". Just to point this out one more time. It always starts in the heart. If you foreclose the mere possibility of cheating ever, you will not cheat. No matter if you are man or woman. If you never even consider the possibility of fornication you will not cheat nor have intercourse with a person you are not married to. If you do not categorically bar these options, you are always in danger, at least in a very weak moment, which most likely will come. And here I think we see very obviously that all this starts in the heart. Again, it is a decision. A decision we have to renew all the time. And every time we have to think of who we are and who our God is. And yes, this decision is one of Yes and No, it is one of Light and Darkness. The bible simply does not offer any grayscale choices in this topic. And again. This is nothing about punishment. If you believe that Jesus is your saviour, he already took it all for you. Every cheating. He took all your punishment to render you holy. It is not the grace of god that we are considered children of god. It is his righteousness that does! God in his justice will never ever punish a sin a second time. Jesus took the penalty. We are free. But he also says: "Go, and sin no more!" (John 8,11) What I dont understand is that people who seemingly call themselves God loving Christians and believers, think that it is even possible to end a sexual relationship - and that this was no problem for them before God. Maybe someone help me here. I dont understand it. The bible says it absolutely clear:" I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Mt 19,9 NIV) Jesus: "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."() So please, someone tell me: Where in the New Testament in Christ can be found the slightest possibility of divorce? Where? And there are shattering consequences: "For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person - such a man is an idolater - has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God." (Eph. 5,5 NIV) Personally, I consider this really weird that so many people try to justify or qualify cheating or other forms of adultery. Even considering a divorce or a leave is not something I do not find in the bible - it is something we find in the bible very often! And always it is a severe sin. Against our own bodies and especially because I make another person sin against his or hers own body. So I really worry. And it does not matter to me if it is their own actions they try to brush up, that of others or only speak theoretically. So I have to ask those who are talking here: Are you believing Christians? What do you see in the bible? (really interested! think this is the most important question here) Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When the flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete. (Lk 6,46 NIV) Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do men cheat? Posted : 28 Jul, 2010 01:26 PM My question at the beginning asked, 'why do men cheat?'. So, I assumed, there was a unspoken understanding that I'm speaking of men who were not saved, Christian men who are tempted, but don't, and Christians who 'fall' in that area. I asked to find out the reasons WHY it happens, assuming we all already know that it should not. This is why I gave all the scenarios, so even those with no personal experience could pull from knowledge collected when women are not around. Inquiring minds want to know! Post Reply
Elimelech View Profile History	Why do men cheat? Posted : 28 Jul, 2010 02:40 PM That is quite a simple question, I guess. If we scrutinize all cases, we will find one thing in common: Somehow there is one partner who starts to neglect the most important piece of work in a relationship: Making the partner the only choice. Whatever reason there might be, we always choose. It is not anybody else, it is me making a decision. And if I start to shift my focus away from my partner, for instance to me (egoism), then I am already in the perfect state of mind to cheat. Putting our own needs above the needs of the so-called "loved one" is like a fly-fishing lure begging for a bite. Maybe absolutely not on purpose, but we just become bait for every hungry tracer out there. And there are plentiful. That there is a difference in type talking about men and women does not change a bit - and has got nothing to do with the reasons of cheating. Men tend to go for physical attraction, women fall for emotional, romantic stuff. Men are capable of almost everything we dont want to mention when sexually aroused, women do everything when you win them over emotionally. It is always starting with that we think we get a raw deal with our partner. I am worth more. I deserve more than this. I lose out on this. And there we go: We are shifting from a love relationship to egoism. Tracy Chapman says that very often an "empty love tank" is the reason for being not happy in a relationship. Empty love tank means no power, no affirmation etc. -> and Chapman says that it is almost always that the partners didnt learn the "love language" of the partner. This should happen when "in love", amorous, when in this stage at the beginning of a relationship when you just cannot even imagine being not with your partner. So there are more technical means to avoid cheating - like a Chapmanian "full love tank", because the partners learnt to speak the love language of the vis-a-vis. So dealing with cheating there are different "layers" of concern. Reasons (like egoism), circumstances (like fighting or alienation) along with evoking reasons for the latter, promotive configurations and - last not least - the big old opportunity that makes the thief... and maybe seeking it. Post Reply
Elimelech View Profile History	Why do men cheat? Posted : 28 Jul, 2010 02:42 PM Sorry, forgot: This is what I personally believe. And dont be afraid to challenge me in my thoughts, please! :) Post Reply

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