Author Thread: How can I explain to him and get results?..
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How can I explain to him and get results?..
Posted : 27 May, 2009 01:27 PM

I am currently talking with a gentleman who appears to be a very good man, but can be very blunt without any empathy for ones feelings (on occasions)... For example; the current situation is that I have some past debt and issues to clear up, in-which he volunteered to pay for., so he told me to see what all has to be done and tell him the final cost... okay, after doing so I called him and explained everything in detail and gave him the amount... He replied with me bringing baggage into the relationship and that he isn't pleased with it (and really copped an attitude)...



He then got upset because of my present obligations (of me having to be financially responsible for rent, until my current roommates can afford or have someone to pay what I'm currently responsible for)... So by me living on limited income (which he was already aware of), all of my money's go to bills... I never asked him to take on the responsibilities of me, "he volunteered"... For when I told him not to worry about it, that it was a consequence that I had to pay for "he gotten even more angry and said that it was his obligation as a man that was currently in my life"...



Questions:

1. How do I get him to see, "that it's not what you say, but how you say it", and that I didn't ask for any hand outs "he took it upon himself, so he shouldn't have an attitude with me?" (Without him becoming angry or offended)...

2. Am I wrong for getting my feelings hurt?

3. How should I resolve the matter (with giving him credit of being the man and satisfying him, "without angering him any further or adding fuel to the fire").

For everything I say, digs a deeper hole... Please be honest with me, for I am a woman that wants to do right by my man (in all thy ways), and be able to handle future situations successfully without arguments or dis-respect... Thanks in advance, for all of your response's!...



Sincerely, 1WomanofProverbs*

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How can I explain to him and get results?..
Posted : 29 May, 2009 04:35 AM

I agree with you, Tristan. Why do you have to leave the site to experience more intimacy with God? I believe that I can speak for most of us when I say that we spend quality time soaking in the Word while maintaining fellowship with other believers on this site, and in our circle of influence.



Proverbs, I pray that you surround yourself with accountability partners who will pray and continue to provide Godly counsel to help you resist temptation. Christians were not meant to live lives as lone rangers.



Praying for you...



Jocelyn.

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How can I explain to him and get results?..
Posted : 4 Jun, 2009 03:38 PM

It seems really fishy to me that a guy whom you've only known for a very very short time would even offer to pay your debts. I'd bet there's something else going on . . . maybe he's just trying to win your favor and move things along a little too quickly for his own benefit. And especially since he reacted the way he did when you told him the total amounts - I'd say he's just trying to get you to like him and do what he wants and he doesn't really care about you.



RUN!

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WHISPERRED110AC

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How can I explain to him and get results?..
Posted : 5 Jun, 2009 09:26 PM

I don't think you're going to able to "explain" anything to this guy and get results other than more condemnation and anger. I see the issue of the money as not him volunteering, he's seeking a contract! A THIS for THAT. The "this" would represent the money and the "That" as you being completely submissive. When you help someone you don't put conditions on that help. That would be like me saying I'll give you my feedback on this question if you promise you'll never ask another question. We all make choices in life and they all have consequences. Some good, bad and indifferent. When he suggests to you that you're "finacially irresponsible" He's not saying you're irresponsible he's saying "I'm responsible and I'll show YOU how TO BE responsible!" The man is looking for control, not a friend or a mate. Just control. I'm basing this response assuming that all you've said is factual. Although I have no reason to doubt you. If I were you I would ask him this one question in this manner. " When was the last time you were irresponsible?" The way he answers the question will be a dead giveaway as to his personality and his own view about the world/relationships. He has made the choice to be unyielding in his feelings and perceptions of life and other people. The consequence is that he's probably going to isolate himself and blame others for that isolation which in turn becomes anger. Please forgive me if I am a little judgmental of this fellow. I don't see a red flag. I see a lot of red flags and I don't like to see people get hurt. If I was the woman he was talking to I would either tell him to take a hike or run like heck in the opposite direction. Hope this was helpful. God Bless. David

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How can I explain to him and get results?..
Posted : 23 Jun, 2009 02:16 PM

:waving: Greetings to "Everyone", and thanks for all of your replies and prayers!...



I'm back on track and moving forward!!!!!! Smile... The Guy was just another storm and test... I recieved an "A" for effort and my diploma is in my hands... For I am now passing onto the next level God has for me...



I am finnally happy with self, and if I meet my soul mate and companion for life "great"... but if I don't, it's fine with me too!.. For the relationship I have with God, is more than sufficient!!!! :applause::yay:



I pray that everyone is well and of good spirits... I'll be fixing my page back up and looking forward to talking with you soon.... May all of you have an abundantly blessed and prosperous week!



Your Sista N' Christ, 1WomanofProverbs :glow:

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