I've had this conversation with my brother: why don't guys seem to want female friends? His response was that guys don't seek out female friends. He couldn't really give me an answer as to why not.
I think he's right because I've seen personal ads on other sites where men will basically say 'not looking for friends' or 'don't respond if you only want a pen pal.'
But, I'm wondering ... WHY? If neither person is seeing anyone and you could do social things with a female that you enjoy the company of but have no interest in- why wouldn't you?
Also, I guess my question would be directed more toward older guys ... as younger guys in their teens and 20's still seem to have friends that are women, but single men in their 40-50's don't.
The bottom line is that men need affection to, I see it in horses, dogs and cats, it is the male in all these species that are most desirous and appreciative of physical affection. Now don't automatically go to the gutter and think sex, I am talking heartfelt touch. A guy can express their affection by being there and doing things, thereby meeting a womans needs without her investing in a relationship or meeting his needs, a terribly one sided relationship. Been there, done that, and probably will again cause I like helping people, but when I become the unrewarded pseudo husband, it is time to distance myself from that relationship and move on.
I help people with their horses, many of them young ladies who appreciate my help and are not afraid to show affection cause it is safe. As for me I get affection where I can get it, a starving man can't be picky.
I have several female friends but I'm sympathetic to some of what has been said.
I've been used in the name of "friendship" to do "stuff that guys do" (aka move furniture, jump cars, etc.). Basically, I had been friends with some girls while living on campus during undergrad but once we moved off campus, they'd only want to "hang out" when they had a job for a guy to do at their house. It's pretty disheartening when you figure out that you may as well be the cable guy. I started hanging out with my guy friends more because they didn't pretend to be friends. With guys, you are friends or you are not...there just seems to be less opening for problems.
I'm also learning that it's sometimes tough for a guy to be friends with women because right now it seems every time I say something, one of the females around me gets mad at me. It's a sensitivity thing. I can mess around with guys and no one gets hurt but some days it seems like I'm walking on tacks trying to be friends with women.
Anyway, just some thoughts. I'm gonna hope no one throws a shoe at me (it's happened....heels hurt when they hit you in the back!)
I might be an odd duck, but I have more female friends then guy friends.
9 girls/6 guys, core friendships.
20 female internet friends, 12 men.
On this website I have developed a good internet friendship with two women, and 0 men... but then again, I am not looking to date/marry a guy either. :ROFL:
Never mind the fact that Mom and my Aunt are two of my best friends. (and they about kill me sometimes with handyman stuff)
As for falling in love with friends & unrequited love... Been there, done that & I am long since puberty.
No... the real heartbreak is finding out most american girls/gals have forgotten how to cook. Which is kind of worrisome, cause when Daddy-Hubby gets home from work, he better get in the kitchen and get to cookin' cause theres a houseful of hungry bellies. (And no.. hot pockets don't count.)
After reading your profile I feel the urge to apologize. I thought your question was "hypothetical", I had no idea you were my age, from your pic, I assumed you were in your 30's. When I read you are only interested in a email/chat buddy, it all made sense.
To answer your question specifically I would say most Christian guys are looking for a serious relationship, they are not on here for fun, after awhile it gets to be work..lol. It takes up alot of time for a guy when he would rather being doing something else, but he hangs in there hoping for a return on his investment. And there you are (no offense intended) saying right up front you just want a chat buddy which a guy reads as 'no return on investment'.
I have met some gals and chatted and emailed for awhile, but it was with a purpose; to get to know one another better and see where things go. It is fun to get to know someone you are interested in, cause it is not the subject matter that counts it is the person. However with you saying right up front you are not interested it then becomes the subject matter that counts. That is probably why guys prefer guy friends to women friends most of the time, we have similar interests, therefore subject matter.
I could think of a many biblical verses here on the spot about kindness and giving without expecting a return on "investments".
No one's asking that you be a doormat for others to walk on, or that you don't deserve thanks and rewards, and hugs. Surely anyone would give those to you willingly.
Even more so I know the Lord would reward you for your acts of kindness, whether they be towards cute 20 year olds that give you hugs for helping them with their horses or a 99 year old man who's having trouble walking without help.
In Matthew 6
3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Agreed MsMarvel, however I am not going to get overly excited and spend alot of time being a online Chat buddy with a woman that wants nothing more, unless she has something interesting to talk about. I think this is what Lynn is asking about.
