There are 3 things that women must know about men. In her book, For Women Only, author Shaunti Feldhahn goes into great depth addressing these three, and a few other things women need to know.
Women must know that:
1. Men want respect. Just as we must love unconditionally, we must also respect unconditionally. That means, contrary to what we often hear, a man should not have to earn the respect of his wife; she should show respect to him no matter what.
Here are a couple of specific ways a woman can show respect to a man. First, respect his judgment. A man needs his woman to value and trust his opinions and decisions, even if they prove to be wrong sometimes. That means not constantly questioning his knowledge with a �why do you say that?� or challenging his decisions by asking, �Why don�t you just stop and get directions?� Second, respect his abilities. A man doesn�t want to hear something like, �You�re not a handyman, I�ll call the plumber� or �Sports isn�t your thing, I�ll ask John to teach him how to throw the football.� A guy doesn�t want to be shot down even before he gives it a chance. A man needs his woman to have confidence in what he does, whether it�s fixing the kitchen sink or changing a diaper. A man wants to hear, �Good work, honey. You�re the man!�
Respect should be demonstrated not just privately to your husband, but also in front of your children, friends and others as well. When your husband asks your child to take out the garbage, back him up by telling your child, �Let�s do what dad asked us to do right now, please.� When you�re out to dinner with another couple, let them know how your awesome husband surprised you for your anniversary.
2. Men want affirmation. If a man doesn�t think that his woman thinks he�s the greatest, he will seek affirmation elsewhere. He may spend more hours at work where he receives more applause, awards and accolades. He may look for another female to validate him and praise him. He may spend his time watching or playing sports in hopes that his competitive spirit will be satisfied by victory in the game.
On the other hand, if he hears the words, �I really admire you for reaching out to John and helping him. He�s had a tough time since he lost his job.� he will be uplifted and inspired. �The kids and I really appreciate how hard you work for our family. I know you�d rather be at home more.� would put wind beneath a husband�s wings. When a man is affirmed, it�s like a strong wind blowing into his sails. If a man feels his wife believes in him, he will excel and do better in other areas of life.
3. Men want to be wanted. Sure, we all know that men want sex�but men also want to be wanted. Sex with an emotionally uninvolved or reluctant wife, who only accommodates her husband to keep him �satisfied,� is not enough. A man wants to know that his wife wants and desires him. Having this kind of mutually enjoyable sex life is not only physically satisfying to your man, but also emotionally fulfilling to him. When a man knows he is wanted in this way, it�s like his wife saying to him, �You are more important to me than anything in the world.� This confidence building in the marriage relationship also spills over to a confident man in other areas of life.
I have this fear that Future Hubby will want sex too often. And how do you really know that before getting married? I mean, even if you ask, the guy isn't going to know what his sex drive is like if he's a virgin. And, even if he's not a virgin, he still might not really know. I mean, in my case, I would only marry a guy who's not a virgin if he's been living a life of purity for quite awhile and possibly even ever since he was saved (depends on the circumstances). But anyways, he would have needed to completely turn his back on having sex outside of marriage. And, if it's been awhile, he might not really know what his sex drive is like either.
I guess it's all about compromise, but it makes me nervous because I know that some guys want it a lot. One of my ex-boyfriends (not the most recent one) said that he'd need to have sex 5 times a day. And I want to be accommodating and all that, but the thought of doing it 5 times a day really freaks me out. I mean, I figure it probably takes a good 2 hours or so to really properly make love maybe (not like I'd really know because I don't). So that would be like 10 hours of sex a day, which only leaves 6 other waking hours. It seems like we'd be living in sex-land... I'd almost start to feel used at that point... I'd be like, "Don't you want me for anything other than sex?"
@Pixy relax, it sounds like the enemy is whispering in your ear. :)
God is sovereign and good enough to give you good things, people, etc.
Men who do it 5x a day aren�t as common as you would think, and typically there stamina is not high. Not all men are raving horn dogs lol, some of us require quality intimacy and if you get the right man, he will have an understanding of you (the woman).
Sex is just one part of the intimacy that can be shared by a wife and husband, and each couple has a different rhythm. Women take a bit to �warm up�. See women don�t necessarily have an �on switch� as they have...a �burner� (or kind of like a tea pot lol), and it may take a lil time to get them warmed up. It is good for a man to pursue his wife all throughout the day, even if he�s not ready, and you may not even do anything that day. So hubby should be causing mmmm tension to build in his bride so by the time they..well you know..she is just as ready as he, if not more.
It is true that men tend to have a higher sex drive than women do. I don't mean to gross anyone out by it, but Rabbit has it right: it's largely due to differing physical setups. Because of this, men may want sex 5x a day, but many men also want to be CEO, big game hunter, and basketball legend. If you're working 8 hours a day, like most guys, you just don't have the schedule to accommodate that, even if you could, physically.
Not to make things any more icky, but virgins do have some idea as to how high their sex drive is, because they, like other men, have to deal with the thoughts and they may have recoursed to other methods. Yes, the two are barely comparable, but it's a rough estimate.
I expect that once married, the two that are one will manage to work things out so that neither one is feeling used or deprived. In that sense, sex is like money, vehicle maintenance, and any other number of concerns that a couple comes to an agreement upon.
*A man wants to hear, �Good work, honey. You�re the man!"*
Only if it's the truth! I sure don't want to hear it when I do a krappy job. I'd want the truth, and if I found out that my wife was "faking" compliments or "stretching" them just to make me feel good, I'd lose a lot of stock in her opinion. Just sayin'. A man(or this man) needs to know that his wife is honest with him more than anything else. Men today don't need anymore false confidence then they already have:laugh:. I'd say the concept is almost backwards. Women shouldn't be focusing on building up their husbands self-confidence as much as they should be building up their husbands confidence in their wives. I mean...Jesus was nice to everybody, but He told the truth in love. People could trust Him. That's a big thing that men(or this man) needs. When I have confidence/trust that my wife tells me the honest truth, then I can have real confidence when she compliments me. I'm getting off my soap box now!
I think it's was Rabbit's last sentence that grossed me out...
What you said is fine, Silver. A little TMI maybe but since I'm like the TMI queen on here probably, I can't complain =)
And I agree w/ Mark. Honestly is really important. And if someone isn't already practiced at telling the truth in love, the single years are a great time to get the hang of it probably!
Women who have been sexually abused before marriage may find sex repulsive. I've had several friends in that situation. They went to counseling with their husbands and worked things out.
Couples with a healthy, satisfying sex life live longer. Couples who have a truly happy sex life have a gift from God.
If you really believe what you have written. . . . Well. . . . I'm packing up tonight and moving to Alaska. Do you have room for 6 horses and 2 bordercollies?
