Hi guys, I've been wondering about this for nearly 10 years, and finally am being brave enough to actually ask about it! They say that curiosity killed the cat, but I'm hoping that's not the case here!!!
My question: what are some things about a young woman (say, college aged) that might keep a guy from asking her out?
I'm asking because of my own experiences, and those of my sisters. Over the years, we've noticed that our friends are asked out, but we are not. One of my sisters and I both had our first-ever dates this year (we are 27 and 24). My sister is still dating that same guy, and I've not been asked out since my one and only relationship ended in mid-April. My 19 year old sister has never been on a date. I'm thinking that it may not necessarily be a BAD thing that we didn't date in college, since it's saved us a lot of heartache over the years. Still, I can only assume that there must be something about us that keeps the guys away, but I've yet to figure it out!
I know that you can't tell me why no one asked ME out, but just generally speaking, what are some things that would keep you from asking a girl out? Physical characteristics? Personality traits? Attitudes? Mannerisms? What? Be specific!
Well since my other brothers in Christ jumped the gun lol :) Ill make my inference :D
There are 148,418,500 people on the US
of those people there are 117,272,059 are men about 34% have never been married or you can look at the age range and see that there is about 31,191,566 of all men in the USA are men between the ages of 20-34 and 61.4% were never married so thats like...19,151,622 men. half of that is probably under the age of 25 so there are about 10million men left. Out of those 10milion how many do you think are virgins? I would say maybe 15% are so that leaves about 150,000 men, but to be fair since they are all virgins maybe 2/3 of those are hard core lost in love believers of Christ. So what maybe a 100,000 that meet your standards. Unfortunatly GA has a higher population of single females, where as most the west and notheren states have a high desity of single men. Of the men left how many of thos mens' standards will you meet?
Yeah why non virgins are not allowed? Everyone has their own past. And everyone in Christ is a new creature (2Corinthians5:17).
I'm just asking this out of curiosity :) I had one American guy approached me and told me that he was looking for virgins only, he told his reasons but I still don�t get until this time.
I know this is a "Ask a guy" section, but well u know how sometimes we can't help to just hop in here hehe :goofball:
My experience, before I accepted Christ, I hated men (I hated it when they looked at me like a piece of meat, and they said �impolite� words toward me). So, I always withdrew myself even before guys could approach me. And, only few really really brave men that would come and approach me, most of them would backed off before they even took their first step in trying to approach me. After I accepted Christ, my view on men started to change, and I didn't withdraw myself as I see it is not quiet a wise thing to do since Jesus never withdraws Himself, and God helped me to see men the way He saw them. Men are men, that�s just how God designed them, just like how God designed us, women. Men didn't approach me as much as they have done ever since I was saved. I believe that it's usually us (the women) who build a fence or something in our attitude that keep men away from us, I'm not speaking for all cases, but the conclusion I got from my experience is that. Based on my observation, I think men are interested in women who are open and enjoy being around men. It�s kinda attract men to the women. I�m not saying that you�re not like that, that�s just what I have in mind of experiences I have my whole life dealing with opposite sex :)
Other thing is, to be called as having a boyfriend, I still get that a lot. Their questions would be like �Where is your boyfriend?�, �When are you getting married?�, things like that. When I told them that I am still single, at first they would think like I was lying. Maybe it�s just the general thought that everyone is in a relationship and the chance of guessing someone is already in a relationship is bigger than someone is being single. Maybe.
BC, for years my coworkers thought I was married. I don't get how people make those kinds of assumtions. My guess is similar to yours, that I don't go around hitting on women all the time.
Don't let the guys here try to talk you out of looking for someone who is not a virgin. There are those of us, including myself, that are older and still virgins. You have stated in other post that you have saved yourself, I don't see why you should not expect that in your future husband.
I have heard the excuse too many times from people that you just can't expect a guy to remain a virgin, so therefore one should lower their standards. Don't do it.
The only exception to that rule would be if he were a widower of biblically divorced. I would allow no other exceptions.
Personally, the only reason why I haven't tried to get to know you is because you are 14 years younger than me. That is a little too young to me.
I am a virgin and I have myself pure but I dont care of people's past. I can accept that people had wild sex life before they got saved, as long as after they accepted Christ, they repent totally. I just dun understand why, thats all. And I think none of us are not trying to convince each other about our own opinion but we all are trying to find the truth here, rite ;)
First, I am well aware of the fact that there are very few guys in my age range who are not divorced, and I am well aware that out of those few, even fewer are still virgins. However, I am not divorced, and I am still a virgin. Why would I want anything else in a husband? He will be my "first", and I want to be his "first" as well. I know that there are some cases where maintaining virginity is not at all possible (rape and child molestation come to mind), but those are unique cases that I've not come across, and have been blessed not to experience personally.
Second, I totally agree that losing one's virginity before marriage is no worse of a sin than any other sin. BUT, it does seem like it's one sin that can be avoided fairly easily if one is determined to remain pure. I know, I know...it's a LOT harder for a guy than for a girl, but it CAN be done.
As for drinking, I don't think it's a sin at all to drink in moderation. But I don't drink, and it's not something I'm comfortable with. I also feel that it would harm my testimony and hinder my ability to witness to my unsaved relatives if I drank, and the same thing would happen if my boyfriend/husband drank.
Cobbler, thanks for sticking up for me like you did. I really appreciate it, and I have no intentions of lowering my standards or compromising what I believe to be right.
By the way guys, you aren't saying anything that hasn't already been said to me in rather hateful messages on this site and other sites. You are just saying it in a bit nicer way.
I guess curiosity does kill the cat, huh? The original topic that I hoped to start appears to be dead.
there are so many reasons why a guy doesn't ask some girls out..
first.. appearance
second.. intelligence
third.. age
.. guys doesn't usually date girls who are.. lets say,, not as attractive as they are.. they'd rather take dumb, but pretty girls than smart but not so pretty woman.. most guys think that girls should be their trophy.. that's why "trophy girlfriend" was invented..
..intelligent women, are often times intimidating for not so smart guys,, and most attractive guys are not that smart.. (I said most) so don't tell me i'm being judgemental..
.. a lot of men, believe it or not,, loves dating WOMEN.. and by that i mean, ladies who are a lot more older than them, i don't know why but it happens.. but when it comes to older guys,, they love dating younger ladies.. ironic isnt it..
I think the "only non-virgins" thing is a little unfair, only because some people may not believe it's really wrong, or they were not Christians and were not raised to be "pure" at all. There are probably many more situations where we shouldn't hold something like that against them if they have repented and changed, or converted and are now "new creatures". Would you let that stipulation slide a bit if the guy was perfect for you in every other way, or it was obvious God brought him to you? It's definitely your choice though, and it's definitely not the most shallow preference I've heard. The shallowest one I came across was "I'm not interested in you because you're a vegetarian". I mean...it's pretty bad when it's all the way down to eating...
No one is saying that you can't expect a guy to stay a virgin. We're saying that Christ's blood washes sinners clean. How is it not prideful to say that your sin is no worse than someone else's sin, but that you're really proud of yourself for not giving into that particular sin and that entitles you to expect your husband to have not made that particular mistake in his past?
To me the #1 reason a guy doesn't ask a girl out, even if he wants to: He doesn't feel like getting rejected. The funny thing is the more attracted a guy is to a girl, the less likely he is to succeed and totally vice versa. So with more experience we learn to harden our hearts and just not care about or be easily swayed by immediate things like looks or personality or feelings.
Would you rather not be asked out?
-OR-
Get attracted make the best attempt you know how to and get rejected?
Which do you think is more devastating? Particularly early on when you don't know what you're doing and don't understand anything and just go all out thinking it's worth it and just lose everything. Women probably don't understand this let alone care and just think it's just pathetic, but trust me, it still really really hurts.
So that's why we don't ask girls out. Because for most of our experience failure is more likely than success and the bigger the risk, the bigger the gain/loss.
I would have to agree with you on that Brandon, the more I find a person attractive, the harder it gets for me to ask someone out. From what I understand, the more attractive a woman is, the less likely it is that someone will ask her out because the guy doesn't feel like they would measure up. It can be hard to overcome past failures.
