Author	Thread: Friend or boyfriend?
IamIsabel View Profile History	Friend or boyfriend? Posted : 11 Sep, 2010 08:09 PM Just want to see if you guys can see through this because I am very confused. Background info. I have a guy friend who I absolutely love and he has said the same to me when we were just friends. We are reallly close friends. I've never had a friendship with a man with so much unconditional love. I know his dirt and he knows mine and we still care so deeply for each other. When we met he was ending a 20 year marriage and still has some depression and stuff he is dealing with, I understand. We hung out as friends only but started getting more intimate like holding hands, kissing, nothing too intimate though. Anyway, he has mentioned topics that only serious people talk about like how he would marry again, honey moons, etc. With all of this going on he might text me a few times a day but only calls a few times a week. He lives in another town so we see each other about every other week when he does not see his son. I text him and inquire if he is interested or not. He texts back to say "I'm sorry. You are my friend. Maybe we went down the wrong road". I'm heart broken because the last time I saw him he had stars in his eyes and I know he thinks the world of me. Does anyone have any insight about this that a woman cannot see? He loves me? He loves me not! He loves me? He loves me not! Post Reply
View Profile History	Friend or boyfriend? Posted : 12 Sep, 2010 12:40 AM I think you should give it as much time as it takes and let your relationship grow and see where it goes. It sounds like you're not getting the full picture and the only way to do that is to wait for the TRUE thoughts and feelings unfold. Just keep it going, communicate, listen, be honest and be patient and not push him or yourself too hard. Either he is the right guy for you but not yet, or he's not and won't be. Either way, imo, you should hang in there till you know. Stay strong :) Post Reply
View Profile History	Friend or boyfriend? Posted : 12 Sep, 2010 12:51 AM Also, it sounds like there are just some things about himself that he doesn't quite understand and he doesn't want to do get you involved because he doesn't think that would be fair to get you involved or make you a part of it and deal with it if he wasn't certain that he wouldn't be doing wrong by you in doing so (Making you the rebound chick. Using you to get through a hard time, etc). If that's the case just back off a little and let him figure it out in his own way in his own time, and then as he does let him be the one to get closer to you rather than you pushing or pulling. Not saying you are, no bad people in this, but if that's the case and in my expert guy opinion it sounds like it is and that his intentions are good (getting divorced after 20 years can't not be at least a little confusing). But at the same time us and our (sometimes too) logical brains are very aware that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Again if you really value your relationship, then give it time. Post Reply
View Profile History	Friend or boyfriend? Posted : 12 Sep, 2010 12:54 AM Also when I said TRUE thoughts and feelings I'm not saying what you guys felt wasn't true, but it may not quite be complete or balanced. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Friend or boyfriend? Posted : 12 Sep, 2010 01:27 PM Well...it may be that he feels like he's not good enough for you. If he's depressed and just out of a relationship then he probably doesn't feel very highly of himself...and since he seems to feel so highly of you, he might not want to drag you into anything with him. He also might have some trust issues and is waiting for you to basically pressure him into a relationship so he knows you really want to be with him....but he needs to take care of those problems before he gets in another relationship, otherwise it will be a unhealthy one. :peace::peace: Post Reply
SilverFire View Profile History	Friend or boyfriend? Posted : 13 Sep, 2010 05:10 AM OP, when a guy wants a real relationship, he will SAY IT TO YOU PERSONALLY. This guy has let loneliness get the best of him, as the folks above me have said. Kudos for the guy for realizing that he was going down the wrong road and saying to take a break to preserve the friendship. If you don't listen to him, OP, you'll lose the friendship. Post Reply
IamIsabel View Profile History	Friend or boyfriend? Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 09:33 PM I'm learning so much from all of you. Thanks so much! Post Reply
man8bible View Profile History	Friend or boyfriend? Posted : 5 Nov, 2010 09:57 PM I am quite sure that I am coming to this conversation late...but I read what others said, at least I think I did, and as a man I would have told you that he does not love you. What he needs right now is an emotional crutch and you are it or certainly part of it. His depression is the rule of his life and that has to be worked out before he can even think about building a serious relationship. And that should definitely be one of your criteria for even thinking about moving forward with him, regardless of what he says .... Part of his emotional state right now is a ongoing ambivalence that is going to make him move towards you and then back away from you and move towards and then back away....he will really back away if you come towards him and profess to be really interested...which is exactly what he did. Do not ...I repeat...do not get into a serious relationship with this man....at this time...if you are both really interested, and I doubt he is, then let him get into counseling and establish a pattern of healthy growth over 6 months to a year and then revisit your feelings. I am sorry that you got caught up in his emotional baggage but take solace from the fact that you didn't step too far into this relationship where you would have suffered real hurt. Perhaps this is all moot by now, but as I said...I am just reading it. Hope the very best for you and pray fro your (FRIEND!) Mark Post Reply

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