Author	Thread: sex! =)
Admin	sex! =) Posted : 21 Aug, 2010 02:34 PM This is just an experiment to see how many people will click!!! Okay, kidding. I really do have a question :goofball: The question is this: What is appropriate to discuss with one's boyfriend regarding sex? And, no, I'm not talking about anything like phone sex. I mean things such as discussing birth control. And discussing expectations. And talking about anxiety and hang-ups. Things like that. And what is the time line for discussing them? Post Reply
View Profile History	sex! =) Posted : 22 Aug, 2010 04:52 AM There are no right or wrong concerns for somebody to have and no right or wrong time to bring them up. The only person it's right or wrong for would be the other person, but you shouldn't discount your concerns because that's who you are and you shouldn't bury it just to avoid rocking the boat and that they won't understand. If it's valid to you, then it's valid. Post Reply
View Profile History	sex! =) Posted : 22 Aug, 2010 10:43 AM As a guy I do need to know somethings.My x told my some doctors from her country messed her up and she could not have anymore kids.You can ot get malpractice in some countries.It is tuff luck if the doctor messes up. I do not feel graphic sex is something couples should talk about.No dirty mags or movies rated above R should be watched. I am conservative in my thinking so I would discuss kids but not to many details.I am private.Dennis Post Reply
View Profile History	sex! =) Posted : 22 Aug, 2010 03:47 PM Brandon, you said: "Sex and love are not the same thing. I say, truly get to know, love, trust, and respect each other, and your wedding night will be wonderful and the stuff you're worried about won't be an issue. " I just cannot agree on that. Trusting that, just because you love each other and are coming together as married people who are not lusting or just interested in sex...... and the whole thing will turn out just "wonderful"??? Oh, no. I believe that is totally unrealistic. There is too much *JUNK* out there, bombarding us. Unrealistic body images. Innappropraite and unrealistic movie depictions of sex. Performance anxiety (from both or either), possible past really bad experiences tainting your view of what even love is (from both or either) -- I could go on and on. Adults who want to get married should be talking about their past experience(s) (or not, as the case may be) honestly. My personal opinion is that it is best done in the company of a marriage counselor, whether another couple or a Pastor, to facilitiate what could be an uncomforable talk. Post Reply
View Profile History	sex! =) Posted : 22 Aug, 2010 11:44 PM Sex isn't lust but it is intimacy and intimacy can't be built if you don't know, trust, respect, and love each other. All the concerns I've been hearing would only come up with a total lack of those things prior to getting married. I say focus on those building those things because that's how you get close as a couple. As far as talking about those things with a counselor goes how is that any different or who says you can't do both? Also for the record, definitely talk to a counselor before getting married. Post Reply
View Profile History	sex! =) Posted : 22 Aug, 2010 11:48 PM I guess I was the one mixing up sex and lust on that one. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	sex! =) Posted : 23 Aug, 2010 07:12 AM I think you should definitely talk about it. No question. When? Depends on the couple I suppose. I would start talking about it when you are both at the point that you're heading for marriage. "Hey...this is someone I could spend my life with...I'd better make sure". I mean...you probably don't want to marry someone that has opposite views of sex, just like you probably don't want to marry someone with opposite religious/political views. Marriage would still be possible, but it would be rough. I sure wouldn't want to end up in a marriage with someone that only thinks sex is for child-bearing, or that thinks it's dirty, or that withholds/uses sex as a punishment/reward, or that is completely obsessed with it, etc...and I sure wouldn't want to find those things out after I'm already married to them. So, I think it's healthy to talk about it. Not vulgar/perverted/phone-sex talk...just the basics. Just like you would talk about anything else important to the relationship. :peace::peace: Post Reply
Rabbit32 View Profile History	sex! =) Posted : 23 Aug, 2010 09:14 PM sigh... See we go years of school and no one ever teaches us the things that really matter most. So to all STUDY THE OPPOSITE SEX INTENTLY...spend a season or two learning why God made them male and female. lol it would answer some questions ;) @Pixy I think God's Lamb hit the nail on the head...move with the Spirit. :) Post Reply
View Profile History	sex! =) Posted : 23 Aug, 2010 11:04 PM Thanks for the responses, everybody. I guess this is just something I kind of struggle with. Because of certain things in my background, I didn't really learn any boundaries at all in the area of sex and the Bible doesn't spell absolutely everything out. I do have some conversations with men regarding sex because there are some things that I do feel need to be talked about before engagement/marriage, but I always wonder if I'm crossing a line. I want to be appropriate, but I'm just never sure where the boundary is there. Post Reply
Rabbit32 View Profile History	sex! =) Posted : 23 Aug, 2010 11:40 PM The more you prepare now, the less obstacles you will have. :) Post Reply
View Profile History	sex! =) Posted : 27 Aug, 2010 12:54 PM wow what a score - 433 views!!!!!!! now we can see what kind of topics the christian singles are interested in :nahnah: anyway, I think there are some things that need being discussed between two people before they end up getting married. Especially if one part (or both?) has some issues or bad experiences which can later affect this - how very important - aspect of married life! however I am not even going to give it a try guessing where the boundary lies. Maybe it depends on the two people and the general way of communicating? for instance I am kind of blunt and upfront, and given that I am a midwife - well, I have no problems talking about sex at all. Nevertheless I am well aware that for some people it is more like a taboo... Delicacy tactfulness and godliness would be the keys here! Post Reply

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