Okay � You�re still there, good, because usually by now the white guys start to leave � :laugh: ... But really ...
Ethnicity truly doesn�t matter to me and I�ve talked to guys across the whole spectrum. However, this problem only arrises when I talk to white guys, I�ve had varying responses like, �you know I could never introduce you to my parents, right?� Or, �I just wanted to know what it would be like,� as if dating another ethnicity would give them magical powers. When I go out and meet people, guys will talk to my white girlfriends, but seem to overlook me. Now, I�m wondering if that it because:
�black� is simply unattractive to them,
they fear the culture is different,
they assume I will be an �angry black woman,�
they are intimidated by me,
they�re scared I won�t like them because they are white?
I maybe overanalyzing the situation too much, maybe I�m just straight up ugly and boring and that�s why they�re not interested� :goofball:
And no need to say "they're the one missing out," lol, because I know God has someone in store for me. :MrT: "I pity the fool!" (ah, I had to, never thought I'd use that emodicon!)
So I guess my question is, why do white men not seem to be interested in me?
:stop: For the brothas reading I have nothing against you, I�m open to anyone as long as they are God fearing and it is evident by their fruit.
This on is kinda long due to my response to twosparrows! Feel free to just read a particular response to an individual. I suggest reading the last paragraph to twosparrows as I feel that is the most important. I'll put an exclamation point by it.
twosparrows:
I don�t mind that people have different preferences, because that�s what makes us unique, creative individuals. As for me being an ageist, yes I would be. The definition of an ageist is someone discriminating or not considering someone because of his or her age. I do not consider anyone over the age of 35 to date; therefore I�m an ageist. My reasoning however has nothing to do with attraction, but their place in life and how much they remind me of my uncles and dad :goofball: That is why I posed the question do the white men I�ve encountered not like me because they are not attracted to me as a black female, or because of the stereotypes that go along with being black? Like, maybe not all 45-year-old men would remind me of my dad but I�ve already counted them out because of age, despite the fact I find them attractive. Do you see the difference? I hope I am being clear.
I also feel that you think I am making color an issue, I�ve already stated it isn�t for me. I was told it was an issue by the two examples I gave. One guy said he couldn�t introduce me to his parents because I was black, and another one told me that he just wanted to see what it�d be like to date a black girl. Funny now, hurtful at the time. Both of these statements took me off guard as I / we had never had problems with our race. We cracked jokes, all was good� Until it was parents� day at college and I was told I had to leave� So no, I do not wave a banner and shout with trumpets �I�M BLACK I HOPE THAT�S OKAY!�
As for the �I�m black� statement, for one it was sarcasm! Lol, because obviously I�m black. And for those who think it�s a tan. Yes, I�ve had people message me wondering how I had such an even tan, when I said, �it�s permanent,� they never responded back. So I�m glad that for you color isn�t an issue, my question is really for those that it IS an issue, and I�m asking them why it is.
:stop: I have no chip on my shoulder. I am LOVED BY GOD! Zaohagios said �I get you are very intelligent which would scare of many men� and �the farther south you go in the US the more race seems to matter� which are valid reasons as to why men seem to show disinterest; whether you agree with his statements or not they delve into the issue and it�s a valid response to my question. Repeatedly saying to forget about race does not answer why men seem to show disinterest. The whole topic was designed to discuss race and why it IS an issue for some, and not why it�s NOT for you. Thank you for the loving advice, I hope I have clarified my topic for you�
Zaohgios / klmartin62:
I think it does depend where in the US you are reflects how much race matters. However, I can see what klmartin�s saying because it is location specific. So maybe we shouldn�t generalize as to where is more racist than others, I think it also depends on our different perceptions to a situation. You could find something racist that I do no. So maybe I should check my location? Maybe I�m just in a bad spot!
Thank you for your words tempered with grace. I hope that I may do equally well ! I would like to clear a couple of things up;
I was speaking of shoulder chips having to do with race in general and what they produce, and of my shoulder chip specificly...NOT that you have one; I don't know you well enough to say. Although I did warn of the trap of getting a shoulder chip. I feel it needed to be said and said from a "white male's" perspective; isn't that what you asked for?
As for the two guys who stated race was a problem for them: It seems to me that part of you wants to own that, when in truth it has nothing to do with you... but everything to do with them.
I have been on both sides of this fence; once having a black girlfriend and dealing with the pressures of others, and once a cambodian girlfriend whose family shunned me because I was white, or to be more specific; because I was not cambodian. Therefore I felt you would appreciate and benefit from some of my experience in the matter you have described
As for being a "age-ist" ; I don't blame you! ..LOL!, I'm one to!
On a lighter note (pun intended): :rolleyes: I have a friend who is black married to a white woman, they had a daughter who had a baby with a mexican. The baby is now 16 years old, she must be one of the most beautiful young women in the world!..seriously!
I am from New York so i know what its like their. I lived in a 50/50 black/white town. People were not racist were i lived. We refused to even let the KKK march their when they kept trying to.
I do not consider Texas south and my answer is wrong i do admit to a point but my friends in SC,NC and Alabama when i talk to them they are constantly talking about how racist it is were they live. My one friend in NC if he was to bring home a black gf his parents would disown him and have nothing to do with him and on top of that his parents are Christians. My friends in Florida do not see racism very much but i also do not consider that south. What i should have said is your location may be a more racist area because racists tend to migrate to the same area's.
I'm personally not attracted to black women. Same deal with Asian women too. I'm sure there may be rare exceptions but that's usually how it is for me. As people we have ethnic preferences which I think is healthy and should be encouraged rather than discouraged because it might be perceived as being racist.
People tend to gloss over these differences when it could be crucial to the success of a marriage. For example, I know of a German and an Italian who are married and are constantly fighting because of cultural differences. He can't understand her fiery Italian temperance, and she can't understand his calm, cool, almost emotionless demeanor which is usually typical of German people. Stereotypes exist because they're true more often than not. If you ignore how these cultural divides can impact a relationship you do so at your own peril.
There are always exceptions to the rule of course especially when God ordains the relationship, but it only makes sense to gravitate towards people who share the same culture and personality that you do.
There is nothing wrong with being attracted to a certain type woman. I am more attracted to dark complected women, but my ex was very light colored. I think it is only wrong if you completely exclude someone because of that alone. Like the boy scared to take her to meet his parents. Obviously there was attraction there, but he let skin color stop him.
Moses married a black wife. But keep in mind he was also raised by Egyptian royalty. So the black kids are who he grew up with.
"And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman." Numbers 12.1.
Most people are homo-genetic and they marry people of the same genetic type. But the bible does not say it is wrong if you don't. Why disqualify potentially good prospects. In some ways it may be better because the two would have to be really in love.
I would definitely not reject a black woman. I may be much more cautious of a baptist. :ROFL:
Shepard, I wish I wasn't on my phone so I could use the ROTF emoticon! That was pretty good. As for this topic, I 100% agree with Lincoln. I'm hating on him cause I couldn't have said it better. There is nothing wrong if a white man prefers a white woman. I desire a man who is intelligent and quick-witted and I'll wait for him. If you want an opportunity to get with a white guy then you have to wait for one that's down with being with a black woman.
Sorry, I got to my text limit. But I also wanted to add that I have a preference for an older (than me) black male. I happen to be flexible as I have corresponded with or dated a Hispanic guy, Iranian guy and a few white guys. A black guy here told me I was very nice and attractive, but he prefers white women. More power to him. Isolating a certain race may be limiting, but it is everyone's right to choose. Inflexibility does not necessarily equal racism.
I had a black friend who only preferred dating black women too, just couldn't work up any attraction for white women. I totally understood, but what's funny about our discussions then about the topic was how some of his black friends reacted. They didn't think twice about him only preferring black women, but the fact that I only preferred white women made me a racist in their eyes. It was beyond stupid, but I did find it disconcerting that they could be so completely oblivious to their double standard. :nahnah:
