How would you feel if a girl asked you out? I mean, like, in real life?
Wouldn't that make the guy feel less manly, as in, how in the world is this girl asking me out while I sit here listening, then look at how she comes up with a date, place and time while I just sit here and decide on whether to agree or not?
O_O
I don't know about y'all, but from where I'm from, the girl is never supposed to ask a guy out, EVER, and I just ask myself whyyyyyyy? And this has just become subconscious culture over time because like I just mentioned, it's somewhat like a huge men-demoralizer to do such a thing xd
The majority of Christian women complain that men are NOT being "LEADERS" these days.
While I DO agree that there should be a 'fifty/fifty' sort of initiative involved in the mating game.... what the poster presented is NOT that...It is based on current and accepted 'secular social construct'. And it's that secular social construct that also dictates the permissiveness of an over SIXTY PERCENT DIVORCE rate..... celebrated single motherhood, unwanted AND wanted teenage pregnancy, and is raising COWARDS for boys and men involved in it.
A "take total charge woman" in the situation presented by the poster will only propagate further degradation of the man's role in the household and family unit later on down the road IF they continue a relationship after said 'planned date'. Any man saying "GO FOR IT" is only condoning his own demise as a male in the end.
We have completely forgotten how to teach women to be women...and men how to be men....
A woman who knows her 'womanly wiles' will know exactly how to get the man or boy in question to 'DO THE ASKING'. By 'dropping hints'.....or by 'making suggestions'.... and then letting the guy do his part. In fact....she is leading through "subtlety".
After that, he needs to "MAN UP" and take the lead... and he needs to show her he knows HOW to lead... He needs to take initiative in the planning. If he was too daft to figure it out after she laid the pathway for him to get to her.... He, in fact, is showing the woman that he is...well... rather clueless in most every other aspect of his life as well... Some women these days MIGHT prefer that. But most Christian women are looking for a LEADER.... NOT a guy who sits around all day playing video games and goes..."uh...yeah...sure...let's go out DUDE"
While I understand that it SEEMS such an innocent thing to allow for this type of situation to happen..... boys need to learn how to be MEN.
Well... a girl asking a guy out would not automatically make her this kind of psycho-female you're describing. While I have a serious problem with psycho-women, I also have a serious problem with the other option...the psycho-caveman just "deciding" that he likes a girl, and then pouncing on her until she gives up. If you're not promoting some form of that option, then the only thing left is the middle ground, where the girl is allowed to giggle and smile until the guy gets the message, and what I'm saying is...if it's "allowed" for a girl to do that(how would you know if she was doing it on purpose or not?)....she might as well just ask the guy out and I don't see a problem with her picking the place/time.
I understand that the scenario presented in the original post can be taken as the action of a domineering woman, but it can also be innocent enough not to emasculate the male gender. I'm just of the opinion that the aggressiveness that is displayed by the psycho-faction of either gender should be toned down....a lot. If you get married are you going to control everything? Are you going to let your wife decide little stuff like...whats for dinner...or what time you're going to eat? Because it's kinda the same thing. I think the bible promotes a 50/50 approach except for spiritual things, then the man(if he's a good godly one) gets the final say. I think it encourages everyone to take initiative as long as everyone is modest and humble about it. I just think you're assuming some things about this post...but I suppose I could be too. Where's the topic poster?! Eh...she probably did this on purpose to watch the pathetic little men fight over stuff....pawns on the chessboard, man...pawns...
Anyway...the bible says that in the intimacy of marriage, a man's body is no longer his own, and a woman's body is no longer her own..that doesn't sound like tyrant/slave to me...sounds 50/50. It also says that a woman who is industrious and takes initiative is also good. And while I agree that men are supposed to be the "leaders", I don't think that gives us license to control everything, or be the initiator of everything. I guess it depends on you religious view of this, but I don't believe Christ forces us to accept Him...and if men are supposed to be humble examples of Christ...then maybe we should be open to someone coming to us of their own free will like He is. And like I said before, the guy could offer to pay for everything(like Christ did:laugh:) if He was asked out...meet her half-way. That would also be a good test to find out if she was the "domineering kind" too...if she refuses, then she IS the kind of woman that wants all the control.
So i now see i didn't read the question that closely. I still don't think it's as black and white or dire as some of us are making it out to be. i get your points, but i think it would really depend on the situation, the people, and just how it unfolded. As it unfolds is where it is revealed if a person is a strong gentleman or a sloven doormat who deserves to be single and/or if she in turn is a woman with a good head on her shoulders, or a wire-haired type-a chick.
If a girl is interested in a guy i see no reason she can't express and pursue that the same as him. Maybe there will be chemistry and work and maybe it won't.
part- nay most of the fun in being in a relationship is being reckless anyway.
Bottom line: I think it just depends on the people involved.
dear folks, yawl know im an old fashioned and concervative man so i believe the man should do the original pursueing and asking ... after thats been established then i find it ok for the lady to say hey cmon my families havin a dinner and we are invited .. and ask the man out.. but to me original pursuit should be done by the man.. thats just my ole way of thinkin..
like a man said here a lady can let a man know she would like him to ask her out by using subtle hints to let him know she likes him.. that way the mans takin the lead as he should in my belief..
I'd also like to add if there were a girl out there so inclined to pursue, remember to be careful and safe. Maybe in that aspect it is better for the guy to do the pursuing in that aspect since we aren't so defenseless and rely more on logic than emotion in how we take in things.
Dear piano, I'm gonna agree with remp. While the complete "control freak/take control woman" is absolutely out there, as are the same kind of men, Thankfully they're not all that way. It's all in how she does it. There's a huge difference between one of the girls in Bible study asking "
you want to grab some ice cream after this is over?" Vs. Your "date of marraige" in mind woman. You said woe to the man that goes out with this kind of woman, and with good cause. However, I'll counter that with "praise" to the woman who's finally figured out that you just look the guy in the eyes and tell him how you feel. Men don't listen, nor do they pay attention. I think most women will tell you that. Most of my past relationships have been initiated by the woman, guess that makes me less of a man? But I'll tell ya what-they were for the most part all amazing, and while I don't miss em, I'm glad I had a chance with em!! Thanks ex's lol:applause:
dear skinny,, nawww it dont make you no less of a man.. it just means you havent learnt or been taught to take on the role of leading yet is all.. hehe...
but ill tell ya the only thing that can make you less of a man is if you see yourself that way...
i see you as a man.. a good feller too.. so dont ever think yourself less..
This has been a very interesting thread to read! :) Thanks guys!!
I'm one of the old fashioned type women. I wouldn't ask a guy out. But... I would give him some hints that I'm interested!! Most of the time, I like to get to know someone a little bit before I "go out" with them, just so I feel safe. But, let's say that I'm friends with a guy and I take a liking to him... I might ask him to come over and help me with a "manly" job at my house. That could help out two fold! He gets to see that I can let him be a man, and he gets to show me he can be a man!
I think it's fine for a girl to ask a guy out. The only thing I think is weird is when a girl proposes to a guy. That seems odd to me. And yes, I have seen that happen.
dear als, how do ya recon they got the nerve to ask a guy to marry them in the first place? could it be that they got that neve by asking guys out and them acceptin? i ponder as to why one would be weird and not the other..
