From a man's perspective (as I have discovered, men and woman think differently - Big Revelation!), when is it appropriate to become exclusive with someone you are intersted in?
As in, when do you stop "looking" and talking with other ladies?
Is it okay to continue to browse if you are not engaged?
Just curious out here in the frozen tundra...
Be blessed and Held in God's hand this year...:glow:
I stopped looking to meet other women, the day I was convinced that the woman with whom I was corresponding to was serious about what she wanted in starting an online realtionship. Some of the ladies here are simply flirts, looking to snag that "ideal man", who will show them a "good time".
There are men here, who are like this as well.
They are not serious,but will contact you, and attempt to start a relationship, even though you have posted that you are looking for a marriage partner.
I don't believe in contacting someone, unless I discern that there is a genuine interest, and a strong potential for success in establishing spiritual unity andl compatability.
These people don't care, they simply want what they want. So you have to be very discerning, and protect yourself from investing too much time with them. Don't change or remove your profile unless you are certain that the guy really wants a serious realtionship with you.
MAKE HIM TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS FUTURE WISE, AND PUT HIM IN A POSITION WHERE HE HAS TO DEMONSTRATE HIS SERIOUSNESS IN THE MATTER. DISCUSS IT FULLY WITH HIM.
When you are convinced that things are serious enough, adjust your profile to reflect that, if you are not ready to totally remove it. Say somthing like "wait to see how things go". Then change your status to looking for a friend,
or talking buddy, until YOU ARE SURE things are final.
When they do become final, then make the announce online, and then both of you can celebrate by sharing some wedding photos. ( If you choose to let us rejoice with you guys) :applause:
Chiming in here & picking up on the OP (original post). Cherri wrote: (Quote) "From a man's perspective (as I have discovered, men and woman think differently - Big Revelation!), when is it appropriate to become exclusive with someone you are interested in?" (Unquote). My Reply -- I'm an introvert and have not dated for a long time. In fact, I have never 'dated around' in my entire life. What I've done is wait. Wait till I find someone I 'like' and then, focus on her, and her alone. On one hand this might seem as if I'm a 'one woman man'. And I am in terms of I want to get married, etc. However, in my online-dating experience (which has been about a year now) I've tended to this same approach generally speaking. What happened was: I was writing a lady I 'liked' (quite a bit) --- but after a while I learned that the feelings and/or attraction were not mutual. In other words, they expressed that they weren't interested in me in a 'romantic sense'. This threw me for a loop. I had assumed there must be at least *some* interest or 'she' wouldn't be writing back. So. From here on out, I want to ensure that whatever 'attraction' there is between myself and a lady --- that it is clearly communicated -- and understood by both. I've also thought about and come to see that having a 'romantic' interest in someone doesn't necessarily mean that much. That is, outside of whatever initial 'attraction' one may have for anyone. So, I'm trying to be more patient and 'less serious' from the start. We introverts have a tendency to 'tell a lot too fast' (when we think we finally have someone who is interested in us, and often mistake 'friendliness' for 'romance'. Well, I know I have, anyway)....
Cherri also wrote: (Quote) "As in, when do you stop "looking" and talking with other ladies?" (Unquote) My Reply -- I'll stop looking when and if I find a lady who ants to do that with me *in reality* -- not in my active imagination!
Cherri added: (Quote) "Is it okay to continue to browse if you are not engaged? (Unquote) My Reply -- I regard engagement as if it si betrothal. That is to say that I see it as already being in a *state of marriage*. In other words, when and if I ever get engaged, it will be 'beyond' the realm of 'looking'. For I will have found my wife.
I hope this makes sense. I'm an INTP. We're kinda complicated! :bouncy:
cherri.. I know this is for the men but I can't hold my tongue... (I been doing this alot lately-not holding my tongue... lol)
rickc wrote..."mistake 'friendliness' for 'romance'. That made me want to share here.
Well, I think a man may have several women he's "interested" in, rather women who peak his senses in one way or another. He communicates with all of them, then "suddenly" something hits him in the face, and he becomes faced with a situation that gets out of his control, because he may very well have developing feelings for all of them, yet there is "really" only ONE that captures his heart. Thus, he will ultimately let all the others go, and of course that means somewhat of hurt for those women that were hopeful that maybe, just maybe "they were THE ONE".
Not that you asked us women, but I'm interjecting here anyway.... I think that for both sexes... from the onset... we ought to be able to tell a new found potential friend, mate whatever... as we peruse this site... be honest with each other and just say it, "I got others that I've gotten close to on this site, but I find you interesting". That makes things better on everybody I think.
What Rickc said about mistaking 'friendliness' for 'romance'... lots of truth in that. Men and women are sincere about befriending, BUT not necessarily being honest that it's not about romance with them. And that sometimes can cause problems, because "mixed signals" can often be there in unawares, and give us false hope that it is romance. So we must take care at all times with how we leave the conditions of others hearts as we communicate back and forth with them.
GraceMae wrote: (QUOTE) "rickc wrote..."mistake 'friendliness' for 'romance'. That made me want to share here....Well, I think a man may have several women he's "interested" in, rather women who peak his senses in one way or another. He communicates with all of them, then "suddenly" something hits him in the face, and he becomes faced with a situation that gets out of his control, because he may very well have developing feelings for all of them, yet there is "really" only ONE that captures his heart. Thus, he will ultimately let all the others go, and of course that means somewhat of hurt for those women that were hopeful that maybe, just maybe "they were THE ONE".(UNQUOTE)
(MY REPLY) -- Thanks for replying and adding your feedback, GraceMae. As I mentioned before, I've been doing 'online dating' for a year. Otherwise, I have not 'dated' since 1994. Getting back to who I was writing (a woman I was especially interested in), and others I was writing; I *did* let it be known to other ladies I was writing and/or talking to in Yahoo Messenger that I *already had a woman of 'special interest' in mind*. In fact, I asked some of them for advice w/r/t this other woman. They were helpful and were in 'another class' of online lady friends. They, too, had asked for a 'guy's input' from me w/r/t guys they were writing. I was able to help one woman in particular (who was really thankful). Virtually all of the ladies I had written were --- we agreed we might do something together (if we didn't live so far apart. None were close to where I live). To my knowledge, I never gave any of these women an impression that I wanted to write them exclusively or that I had a 'special interest' in them. I will add that, I had met one woman (in person at my church) who I would have 'asked out' but didn't -- as I still entertained ideas of 'going exclusive' with the lady I mentioned in my first post. I've been trying to find her in my very *large* church but haven't located her as of yet.
GraceMae also wrote: (QUOTE) "Not that you asked us women, but I'm interjecting here anyway.... I think that for both sexes... from the onset... we ought to be able to tell a new found potential friend, mate whatever... as we peruse this site... be honest with each other and just say it, "I got others that I've gotten close to on this site, but I find you interesting". That makes things better on everybody I think. What Rickc said about mistaking 'friendliness' for 'romance'... lots of truth in that. Men and women are sincere about befriending, BUT not necessarily being honest that it's not about romance with them. And that sometimes can cause problems, because "mixed signals" can often be there in unawares, and give us false hope that it is romance. So we must take care at all times with how we leave the conditions of others hearts as we communicate back and forth with them."(UNQUOTE)
(MY REPLY) -- I didn't say earlier that the lady I was writing (who I met on another site, btw) had told me from the start that she was writing other men. She told me she *had* been writing some of them. So. She was 'fair' -- and honest -- from the beginning in telling me this. As a result, though I would have *liked* to have become (shall I say?) 'closer' to her; when that didn't work out I wasn't let down *by her*. I had a measure of 'disappointment' but learned a lot (about 'online dating'). Namely, "what you said" -- in that we would serve one another and God better by being honest and 'transparent' in our exchanges on sites such as this. To make sure we aren't sending 'mixed signals'. And but of course, in RL ("real life") too! (Amen)! And thank you for your reply, GraceMae. Take care. Thanks!
