Author	Thread: Need advice: Friend with emotional only benefits
Admin	Need advice: Friend with emotional only benefits Posted : 26 Oct, 2009 09:32 PM Need advice from you guys. The father of my daughter's best friend and I hang out with our daughters all the time. We have been doing so for over a year. He also was a great friend to me during my divorce. We have never touched--actually he avoids touching me. When I explained that our friendship would have to change should either of us start dating someone and I was concerned about how it would affect the girls, he admitted he had feelings for me but wasn't ready for a relationship.I admitted them back and asked what he wanted. He said he wanted to leave the door open to a possible future and for us to continue being supportive friends and getting together with our kids three to four times a week. That was four months ago. Nothing has changed. He is not dating anyone else as he spends all his free time with me. His parents came to visit this past weekend and he wanted me to participate in activities with them, which I did. We both have complete custody of our kids. OUr kids are not only attached to each other but are attached to us. I feel like a fool and I don't want to hurt his daughter, but I want to start dating because I want the chance to have a real marriage and family--I know that is what God wants for me. We spend every weekend together and go to church together. What do I do? Post Reply
View Profile History	Need advice: Friend with emotional only benefits Posted : 1 Nov, 2009 04:26 PM not to be harsh or anything, but if it were me, and just going on the information you've given i'd say to myself "self, you're in a rut. chuck it." Post Reply
View Profile History	Need advice: Friend with emotional only benefits Posted : 8 Nov, 2009 02:35 PM Hi Tabitha, Several years ago at my former church I was having a discussion with the singles Pastor and he had informed me that there was a survey done among Christians nationwide and the survey concluded that there is a major epidemic of Christian men in America who are unwilling to commit to a relationship. This guy you describe seems to be scared of committing to a relationship. By hanging out with you he receives the benefits of a relationship to a certain degree but this way he negates the responsibilities that would "normally" go along with it. The reality is that a man after "dating" or "hanging" with a woman he is interested in for one to two months should know what his desires are and if he sees a potential for entering a "Courtship". Anything beyond that length of time is a waste in my opinion unless it is expressed you are going to be "just friends". If that is the case then clear parameters must be established and communicated and then you move on to date men who have the courage to step up to the plate as a man of God should and date properly,...in my opinion. Blessings! Walter Post Reply
RamblinReck89 View Profile History	Need advice: Friend with emotional only benefits Posted : 10 Dec, 2009 08:26 PM I can't be certain, but it looks to me like he is getting what he wants without having to put any effort in or put himself out there by deciding to pursue a relationship with you. If you would like a relationship with him, you need to up your game. Maybe you're just dropping your daughter off at his house, maybe you need to drop her off so you can go home and get some cleaning done. Flip a coin before you go over to decide whether to act interested in him or not. Most importantly, start casually dating other men. If he really has feelings for you, he'll pursue you. Not getting everything he wants without trying and seeing you with other guys will drive him crazy. Don't let up until he commits though. If you don't want to snare him with your feminine wiles, the plan of action doesn't really change much. You start dating other guys, but a little more seriously. You don't hang out with him as much, but guard yourself emotionally when you do spend time with him. You call him a good friend a lot, with emphasis on the word "friend." What you can't do is just let things go on the way they are. It's unhealthy for you. Maybe he's still traumatized about relationships from his divorce. Maybe he's just a selfish jerk. Maybe a million things are the reason behind his behavior. Whatever it is, you have to move on. Post Reply

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