Author	Thread: Friendship First ???
Admin	Friendship First ??? Posted : 23 Oct, 2009 04:38 PM I would like to hear your view on �Friendship First�. What does friendship between a man and a woman mean to YOU? Most of us state on our profile that we seek �friendship� first and how important it is to have that established in the relationship before exploring a deeper committed relationship. Ok, so then what doses �friendship first� look like to YOU? Is flirting appropriate between �friends�? Do you feel there is a time factor for the �friendship first� stage? How and when do you know to take the �friendship� to the next level? Basically, share what ever is on your heart regarding �friendship first�. Thank you for your input friend! :glow: Post Reply
View Profile History	Friendship First ??? Posted : 24 Oct, 2009 04:34 PM oo, my bad. i only answered your first question. here's what i think about the rest: Is flirting appropriate between �friends�? Yes i think so. The cool thing about flirting is it pushes the limits of friendship to be more than just a friend. Do you feel there is a time factor for the �friendship first� stage? Yes. In the beginning you meet, and from there you build trust and respect. Friendship is when appreciation is added to the mix. Sometimes you can be friends for too long and the romantic potential and desire are dead. How and when do you know to take the �friendship� to the next level? to an extent. look for signs that the other person wants to, then take a chance. Basically, share what ever is on your heart regarding �friendship first�? One other thing, i can't imagine anybody that wants to be romantically involved or have a deeper connection with somebody BEFORE having a strong friendship with the other person first. It doesn't make sense. There are just different stages in building a relationship that hopefully leads to a happy marriage. And always go slow, there's always something you can do, but there's nothing you can undo. Post Reply
aceets View Profile History	Friendship First ??? Posted : 25 Oct, 2009 03:15 AM Dan, I did not mean to imply anything regarding self-confidence. Rather, I was only trying to say that you tell some things to aperson in the early stages of friendship and deeper things as friendship progresses. You do not go and tell a friend everything about you at once Post Reply
View Profile History	Friendship First ??? Posted : 25 Oct, 2009 09:13 AM Dan, I "pretty much" agree with your points of view, but I treat each case differently. If I think she is spiritually mature (or emotionally strong) I am much more candid and I pretty much get right to the point. I will also tell her everything about myself that I can - as soon as is "reasonably" possible. But if she shows signs of being fearful (emotional baggage) I move much slower. If she has too much emotional baggage I will abandon communications promptly. Having too much exposure to emotional problems with give a person emotional problems. 1 Corinthians 15:33 (KJV) 33 Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners. The biggest mistake I made early on was judging women's maturity level and/or emotional stability by what they say in their profiles. Post Reply
View Profile History	Friendship First ??? Posted : 25 Oct, 2009 09:33 AM As far as flirting, I do it quite a bit after its established that there is a mutual comfort level. It's mainly done with a lot of humor and I see no harm at all in it. However; when first getting used to this Internet stuff here (recently) I got some really adverse reactions from emotionally unstable women. That wasn't all bad though because if a woman goes bullistic over a little firting its a sure sign she has emotional baggage - so it created some painful experiences for me but it also prevented me from wasting time on women who have too much baggage. Although certainly - I would day that there is some danger in a woman flirting with a man if she does not have a really good sense and at least a good amount of information about who he is. Of course there are predators and emotionally ill men out there too. Post Reply
View Profile History	Friendship First ??? Posted : 26 Oct, 2009 03:06 PM Some really great input on this topic... thanks everyone! Post Reply
View Profile History	Friendship First ??? Posted : 26 Oct, 2009 11:50 PM We appreciate you MicJ. Its obvious that you are an emotionally healthy lady. Somewhat rare on this site it seems. Thank you for the topic. Post Reply
rickc View Profile History	Friendship First ??? Posted : 27 Oct, 2009 02:21 AM I'm new on this site, and can see that MicJ has thanked folks for input. I have further input which I hope may be helpful...and also to myself for clarification! (I apologize in advance if there's huge spaces between paragraphs, which, I don't know why that happens). I just changed my profile's header from "Wherever God Leads (friends first)" - to - "Wherever God Leads (in fellowship)." Actually, it was reading this thread that made me think about it: Thanks! So what was my reasoning behind it? I'll try to explain, briefly as I can. As a Preamble to what follows: First, my feelings and/or opinions about "dating" is that we Christians, generally speaking and as a rule, may have never stopped to ask if "dating" as it is commonly understood and practiced in our culture is the right thing to do. Now what would I mean by that? The world, by which I mean, the non-Christian population, has set the standards for "dating" (which we may have never considered could be wrong). I have personal grievances against the basic presuppositions re: "dating" as it is usually understood...and done. I'll just-say what they are. First, in "dating" people commonly see it as something like a "trial period" and/or some kind of "test" in which the other person is seen as: Will they make me happy? How much of my heart and sould should I give to them? Then, as the relationship develops (if it does) - ALL TOO OFTEN (caps for emphasis) something is found in the other person's character that one doesn't like, or, otherwise, and for whatever reason, they suddenly "don't meet my needs," the relationship stops, hearts get broken, expectations are lost, and the relationship ends. This is effectively RENTING PEOPLES' HEARTS - and hurting people is a SIN! "Friends first" is a great priority to have in the order of things. Yet as Christians we (all) are already friends in Christ. Brothers and Sisters alike, in Jesus. This isn't to say we'll all become better friends. Nor that we'll necessarily become acquainted (online or in person). What I'm getting at here is that Christians have a basic love and regard for all of humanity and are friendly toward everyone, whether they believe or not. Thus, "friends first" seems like an oxymoron for Christians (if you see what I'm saying). "Friends first," after I thought about it, as I have been since first joining dating sites earlier this year, has a "worldly tone" to it. By this I mean, that whether we realize it or not; it has the "see what I can get" worldly mentality. "Friends first" could point toward a subconscious attitude - or at least potentially so - should we be "thinking like the world." "Befriending" someone, if it's not GENUINE (actual befriending), is a form of manipulation. Putting on a front of "being nice" or anything else like that, to merely "impress" the other person.... Of course, being friendly and having a pleasant demeanor is so apparently "good!" And all of us probably have it in the backs of our minds that a member of the opposite sex we meet (if we are "open" to eventually getting married, ready for it, whether we meet them online or in person or, eventually, both) - that that person could be THE ONE. Nothing wrong with this: It's human nature! So. My changing my profile to "Wherever God Leads (in fellowship)" makes several assumptions. 1) Christian fellowship IS friendship. 2) Christian Fellowship, in an online or an in person setting, is "communal." That is, we all are sharing together in the worldwide fellowship in Christ's Body, the Church. 3) Thus, my "(in fellowship)" let's everyone know - IN ADVANCE - that if we come into contact on whatever level (chat, messages, regular emails, etc.) - that our communal fellowship in Christ will have then made a "next step" to "personal fellowship." From beginning to end, all is effectively "lined up" with Christian priorities. I've seen "God first" on profiles. Sure, yes, amen! But isn't the merely BEING a Christian that? Yes, it is. It's also an oxymoron like "friends first" (if you see what I'm saying). In closing. My attitude toward "dating" is IN CHRIST'S FELLOWSHIP. As I make PERSONAL friends of the opposite sex, things continue in HIS Fellowship. This Fellowship is OURS. And if we remain true to God, being transformed in our minds from "thinking like the world" (Romans 12:1-2) - in prayer, worship, and in service to God and one another - How could we go possibly wrong? (Caps for emphasis, not hollering, I may have missed some typos/other mistakes, if so, sorry)! Thanks for reading and God bless you and yours!!! Post Reply
rickc View Profile History	Friendship First ??? Posted : 27 Oct, 2009 02:35 AM Errata: I caught and wanna correct one boo-boo: (In my closing paragraph it should have read): "How could we possibly go wrong?" Take care! :waving: Post Reply
View Profile History	Friendship First ??? Posted : 27 Oct, 2009 06:04 PM A married friend sent me this quote adding his view: "Flirting is the perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire." Its interesting when you think how easily people in this society commit adultery - its as though flirting has become a socially and spiritually acceptable form of adultery. Post Reply
View Profile History	Friendship First ??? Posted : 27 Oct, 2009 06:24 PM dear mic,, hadnt ever heard of that one. but its true somewhat huh..... ole cattle Post Reply

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