Thread: How can I explain to him and get results?..
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How can I explain to him and get results?..
Posted : 27 May, 2009 01:27 PM
I am currently talking with a gentleman who appears to be a very good man, but can be very blunt without any empathy for ones feelings (on occasions)... For example; the current situation is that I have some past debt and issues to clear up, in-which he volunteered to pay for., so he told me to see what all has to be done and tell him the final cost... okay, after doing so I called him and explained everything in detail and gave him the amount... He replied with me bringing baggage into the relationship and that he isn't pleased with it (and really copped an attitude)...
He then got upset because of my present obligations (of me having to be financially responsible for rent, until my current roommates can afford or have someone to pay what I'm currently responsible for)... So by me living on limited income (which he was already aware of), all of my money's go to bills... I never asked him to take on the responsibilities of me, "he volunteered"... For when I told him not to worry about it, that it was a consequence that I had to pay for "he gotten even more angry and said that it was his obligation as a man that was currently in my life"...
Questions:
1. How do I get him to see, "that it's not what you say, but how you say it", and that I didn't ask for any hand outs "he took it upon himself, so he shouldn't have an attitude with me?" (Without him becoming angry or offended)...
2. Am I wrong for getting my feelings hurt?
3. How should I resolve the matter (with giving him credit of being the man and satisfying him, "without angering him any further or adding fuel to the fire").
For everything I say, digs a deeper hole... Please be honest with me, for I am a woman that wants to do right by my man (in all thy ways), and be able to handle future situations successfully without arguments or dis-respect... Thanks in advance, for all of your response's!...
dear 1woman, it is my belief that if youve only known each other one month. its not that he feels obligated to pay your debt off. as you say hes not worried about even paying his debt off. so it is my opinion that he just wants you to feel obligated to him. i dont believe he will ever pay anything for you. and if he does itll be so he can hold it against you . and use it against you to get what he wants.. is he tryin to buy your love ? or is he tryin to get you in a bad situation. ? neither ones good. to me if hed of been just offering it out the goodness of his heart. he wouldnt be fussing at you now for it.
The Bible clearly tells us to avoid the appearance of evil...
1Th 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.
My sister do you really believe that a true man of God would ask you to move in with him? What's next then? Please my sister, can you not see that this man is trying to lead you down the wide path that leads to destruction?
He clearly has no respect for you or concern for your Christian witness, that will be diminished by the two of you shacking up! I am sorry to be so blunt my sister but you should be running and not looking back!
Do you really believe that our God would send a man into your life to lead you astray this way? There are many pretenders out there my sister, wolves in sheep's clothing, they are not from God, but from the enemy.
1Pe 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
Dear Sister, I've been praying for you that your ears would be open to what the Spirit of the Lord is clearly trying to convey to you.
Sister, you were bought with a price. A price that this or any man will never be able to match or afford. Jesus is the benchmark that all of His daughters should be using to measure the value of a mortal man's intentions towards us.
You are a precious gem, that pearl of great price(Matt 13) that must never settle for someone who is clearly far beneath the standard that God has set for you. God gave us His best, Jesus, so that is what you can expect to obtain by allowing God to be the matchmaker in your life.
You are royalty, don't ever forget that. You have a rich inheritance in Christ that includes being adored and cherished by a Godly man who will honor God by treating you in such a way that you will never question his love for you.
2Ti 3:1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2Ti 3:2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
2Ti 3:3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
2Ti 3:4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
2Ti 3:5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
2Ti 3:6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
2Ti 3:7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
Let me ask you this my sister: are you going to be one of these silly women who are led captive by a man who claims to be a Christian, who wants you to go and live with him in sin and thus destroy your witness as a Christian?
Miss 1Woman of Proverbs, finances caused much strain and pain and ultimately had a part in my divorce, sad but true.
In this aspect of your relationship (finances) there are a bunch of red flags by your description of him and his character and you are only 1 month into this...
your words,
"but can be very blunt without any empathy for ones feelings (on occasions)"
"He replied with me bringing baggage into the relationship and that he isn't pleased with it (and really copped an attitude)..."
"He then got upset because of my present obligations"
"he gotten even more angry and said that it was his obligation as a man that was currently in my life"...
Are these the ways you would treat someone you love being a child of God? And then leave them feeling guilty, confused and belittled?
"Am I wrong for getting my feelings hurt?"
"For everything I say, digs a deeper hole..."
It's just my opinion but when I first read this post yesterday my first thought was exactly Jocelyn's first words...Run for the hills!
Just a little leaven leavens the whole lump, if he's controlling and has anger here it's gonna show up in other areas too... God bless you.
Wow.... I thank all of you and yes, you all have given me much "confirmation" (I do have a gift of discernment and sight, however when it comes to revealing my own situations sometime I'm in a fog)....
But I thank God for all of His angels such as yourselves.
"you all":applause:.. For my fog constantly and mirracuasely turns into:
F avor
O f
G od
.... and He sends friends, christians, brothers & sister's in Christ "to the rescue"... Thanks for all of your prayers!
Although I'm leaving the site for a while, "you all will not be forgotten"... For God and I are gone to get cleaning supplies in order to clean some things and people "up out of my life" (It's one on one prayer time "with God")... May all of you be forever blessed in all of your endevours! THANKS!!!
:peace: Peace be unto ALL OF YOU...:waving:
Sincerely, 1WomanofProverbs*
PS...for he inwhich doesn't hear or see of me, God must have cleaned you up and out of my life...:yay:
