Okay so Explain to me what this is and how it is suppose to be better than dating??? Because from personal experience, I say it is just as faulty as dating..
1. Court until marriage.
-okay. that means you plan on sticking with this person correct? to live, learn, and grow with them. so how is it any different than dating when your "courting" partner breaks up with you?
2. Work with each other. Learn each other in different situations...
-Is this a free ticket to judge me then? To put me in situations that may cause fatigue, anger, etc...and see how I react? To analyze me like a science experiment? If I remember correctly, humans have NO right to judge. Now, this didn't really happen to me, but that's what all these "courting" books say. To do activities to see how well you work together. Riiiiiight. Sounds more like judge each other
3.Hands off til marriage
-I agree that you must be pure before marriage. But is it wrong to kiss hello or goodbye? Not a long lingering one that will obviously give w rong feelings, but seriously fellas, can't you kiss a girl without getting turned on? Sorry to be blunt but I"m curious? I couldn't even get a little kiss on my cheek from him. Really??? I'm not sure what to think on this subject but some of these courting people (not my situation but what i've read) won't even hold hands til engagement, or give frontal hugs. COME ON!
So for those who are into all this courting stuff, explain to me how it is better because to me it is just as flawed, if not more flawed than dating.
"Kelly, I'm getting the impression that there are parent issues there, which may be leading to your protests ... or one might say panic? Perhaps your parents are not saved, or maybe not walking in full submission to the Lord. I can understand your hesistance."
I can't be the only one that missed this connection entirely. Judging by Kelly's posts and general demeanour - if you can judge a person's parents by that, which I don't think you can - I would say all roads point to her parents being quite secure in their faith.
Preferring dating over courtship, or not seeing a difference between the two, has nothing to do with anyone's spiritual standing. How hurtful.
Where this idea came from that dating doesn't involve commitment, I have no idea. When I look at courtship, I see a lot of good principles, but I also see a lot of fear and trust in a system to save them from ever being hurt.
You can't create a perfect system to find love because love is not scientific. Is it a good idea to have Christians in your life who give you guidance on who you should date? Of course. Is it wrong not to have your parents take a back seat for a while after high school? Of course not. If there were a specific rule somewhere in the Bible that parents have to oversee the process of finding your spouse, it would apply to all people, not just people with strong, alive Christian parents who are present in their lives. Once you start throwing in assigned elders to be a parent for older women without parents, etc., you begin to see the absurdity of these arbitrarily applied rules.
What you do get is a lot of pride, shame, and disappointment. The people who had their fathers choose their spouse at an older age and then courted very purely become prideful that they found their spouse the right way, unlike those sinners who dated. Because courtship is so often paired with Joshua Harris' emotional purity philosophy, the people who have to court more than once (or even who dared to date multiple people before they were Christians) are shamed into feeling like they are less of a person because they gave away pieces of their heart. It is a broken system.
If you really feel the need to follow some sort of system, go ahead, but don't sideline Christian dating with straw man arguments about how it is all about gratifying the flesh and only for people who aren't serious about the long term. There are plenty of Christian couples I know who are involved in discipleship and accountability, have healthy boundaries both emotionally, spiritually, and physically, and are committed to each other and the goal of marriage.
