Author	Thread: Need some advice...
bcpianogal View Profile History	Need some advice... Posted : 28 Dec, 2011 09:04 PM OK guys, help me out here. (And this may be a little long...so try to read to the end!) I'm on another free dating site in addition to this one. It's a secular site, and there are very few guys on there that I would even consider communicating with, but I occasionally reactivate my profile just in case someone new joins. That's what I did about a week ago. After reactivating my profile, I looked through the list of matches and contacted those new guys who looked interesting. As always, there were two or three highly recommended matches that I chose not to contact for various reasons (usually because there was some obvious dealbreaker in the profile). Last night, though, I got a message from one of the guys that I chose to NOT contact. Normally, that wouldn't be a big deal, I'd just tell him that I'm not interested. But his message was pretty good...and when I reviewed his profile, it was very different from what I remembered. In fact, this profile was absolutely wonderful, and he clearly stated many things about himself that are exactly what I'm looking for in a guy. Hmm. OK, maybe my memory is bad? I answered his message, and he wrote back almost immediately. His second message was quite lengthy (nothing wrong with that), but I had this nagging feeling that something was not quite right. Something that I couldn't put my finger on. He wanted to read my "journal entries" that the site requires/encourages, but for some reason couldn't access them. Fine. They are supposed to be for anyone to read, so I waited a few hours, then copied them into a message and sent them to him. Again, he messaged me back within a few minutes. This time, he proceeded to go through my journal entries one point at a time and show how perfectly he fits with what I say I'm looking for in a guy. He agrees with absolutely everything I say, and is already talking about our first meeting and how wonderful everything is going to be for us because we seem to be perfect for each other. Now my brain is screaming "Run the other way! Something isn't quite right here!" 1) I initially saw something in his profile that made me choose not to contact him. 2) That something wasn't there when I looked after he contacted me. 3) He's "too good to be true" in regards to what I'm looking for. I'm overly specific on this site, and yet he seems to fit every single, teeny tiny, insignificant detail. 4) He's already talking like I've agreed to meet him very soon, and he's even talking about long-term plans. Am I being overly paranoid here? Or should I heed my gut reaction? I've never been in a situation like this before with an online match. Help! Girls, feel free to weigh in on this issue as well. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Need some advice... Posted : 30 Dec, 2011 05:56 AM Thanks for the further advice. I re-read his messages carefully, and decided to tell him "Thanks, but no thanks." And I didn't base my decision just on the profile being different than I remembered. There were a few other red flags hiding in his messages. For example, he admitted doesn't go to church very often, and when asked about his testimony, all he said was "I became a Christian at age such-and-such" and offered no further details about his salvation or his current walk with God. He also kept referring to astronomy...which in and of itself isn't bad, but what he said bordered more on astrology than astronomy. And, of course, there was the over-eagerness to meet me asap. There were other red flags, but those were the most obvious ones. All that to say, even if he's a great guy, and even if we have lots in common, we probably wouldn't actually be such a great match after all. Post Reply
cowboybuck1969 View Profile History	Need some advice... Posted : 30 Dec, 2011 02:00 PM You have quite the situation there... and if it were me, I would be cautious too. First off, I'm not sure if 2 emails and even if you have alot in common with the person... if it's really a good idea to talk about meeting just yet. It's ok to suggest one party is open to that option, but not a good thing to push it. On the flipside, I'm not sure I'd completely cut off all contact with no valid reason other than seeing ghosts. Ask him more questions. If he lives somewhat nearby you... see if he's familiar with places you've been to at some point in the past... and just see if there are things in his profile that if he's making things up, you'll be able to detect them. See how much he can back up what he says. If he really does want to meet you and is that interested and is sincere... he should be able to offer up enough to convince you he is as advertised. If he cannot do this... your gut feeling may have justification. Post Reply
Gourd00 View Profile History	Need some advice... Posted : 2 Jan, 2012 09:24 PM I think you made the right decision pianogirl. Simply going through someone's journals and going point by point on how that person would be perfect for you is over the top, imo. Healthy people don't need to flaunt who they are, because they know if they are going to be a good match, it will happen. Also, I wouldn't ask to meet someone in person after like two emails either, because people need to be safe on the internet. Wish you well in your future endeavors. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Need some advice... Posted : 2 Jan, 2012 09:45 PM He was pretty nice about it when I told him that we weren't such a good match after all. I did notice, however, that he deleted his profile the next day...which seems strange. One rejection shouldn't make him do that! Post Reply
View Profile History	Need some advice... Posted : 3 Jan, 2012 11:20 AM I think you made the right choice. The over eagerness to meet and assumption of long term potential after communicating for merely 24 hours online. The fact that he seemed to fit every single thing you said you were looking for in a guy which gave the "too good to be true" feel more likely means he was tailoring everything he sent you and his profile to match what your profile and emails said. Reality is part of what makes a relationship interesting is our differences, one complements the other or one balances the other. Even if he genuinely lined up exactly how boring would that be, you'd be dating yourself basically. that his profile was gone days after you said you weren't interested is to me confirmation you made the right decision. He will probably pop back up on that site under a different user name, with different profile tailored to someone else that he want to latch on to. Never let a guy push you to the point where you are not comfortable, and if slowing down is not acceptable then good riddance. A man should lead a relationship gently, not dragging you along at a fast pace. Post Reply

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