The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 12 Oct, 2011 03:39 PM
Man: "I was wondering if you would llike to chat?
I love you smile and enjoyed your profile.
Let me know either way"
Me: "No I will not. You're not the kind of man I am looking for.
God Bless on your search. :)"
Man: "wow, that was very rude, best of luck to you"
This is to show the typical response of a man I have responded to to tell him I was not interested. Some guys go on to say how rude it is to ignore messages, and then these very guys get offended when you reply to them with rejection. The simple conclusion is, they think it's rude to not respond to them with interest.
He said to let him know either way. Which means he wants to know whether I will like to chat or not. My response is: "no I will not". And to avoid another message from him asking why I wouldn't want to chat, I kindly give an explanation: "You're not the kind of man I am looking for". And to further being nice and not come off as mean, I go on to give him good wishes on finding the girl that WILL be interested in him: "God Bless on your search"
After all that, I am still seen as rude. So, let's see: Reply to message with disinterest = rude or Ignore message = rude. Gee, which route should I choose??....I'd rather pick the latter where I am not wasting my time sending a message just so I can still end up as being "rude".
So this really isn't a question. Just a little insight to why SOME women ignore messages that could maybe help you understand there is no need to get offended by a rejection. Don't think of it as that you are not the right kind of man, you're just not the right kind of man for that specific woman and there are plenty of other women who will appreciate you for who you are. :applause:
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 13 Oct, 2011 08:44 PM
I still do not agree that "You're not the kind of man I'm looking for" is any more or less different than "I don't think we will make a good match" for the simple fact they both receive the exact same negative backlash. I don't see the first option as being negative either. I find: "You're not good enough for me" to be very negative and shows that whoever says something like this thinks they are God's gift to the world.
But of course that is just our different opinions, and I have no problem with that. I appreciate all of your responses. I will still continue to ignore these messages because I simply have experience testing a variety of approaches to rejecting somebody "straight to the point from dripping with syrup" and all in between while ending up with the same responses that end up with someone getting their feelings hurt. Do you guys experience the same thing with women when you express your uninterest? Or do they kindly say "Thank you for letting me know". I'm curious to know what you guys experience. In my high school days (14-16), I've used excuses (lies) to not hurt the guy's feelings. Now that I'm a Christian, I realize that isn't the right thing to do even if it is an easy way out with no feelings harmed.
So Statie, I got your advice that I'm better off ignoring them lol. And ISeeYou, I got your advice that I should send a very polite message anyways (even though the person still ends up hurt), and IOnlyDateCheerleaders, I am unsure what your advice is other than my advice isn't helpful and would like to hear what advice is more helpful than mine. Any advice that helps a man not to feel bad about themselves is great advice to me.
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 14 Oct, 2011 10:25 AM
Cuddle...I totally understand what you are saying.
Guys, for women, if you tell a man you aren't interested, (for ANY reason) they will usually assume 1. You are mean, heartless, etc OR 2. You are playing hard to get and keep trying.
So, sending a message works for some, while others it is best to simply not respond at all. PLEASE, don't take it as a personal attack on your masculinity, because it's really not about that. It's about compatibility...and sorry, you aren't going to be compatible with every woman you find physically attractive. Also (in case you don't realize) women DO feel just as much rejection as men do, so, if you feel lead to respond back, please be as tactful as you wish women would be.
However, Cuddle, the guys are right.
"You're not the kind of man I am looking for." (With nothing further to explain why) is automatically translated in guy brain to mean "I'm not good enough. There is something wrong with me. Why did she reject me?" They find this rude and offensive. The bolder ones will respond back negatively and tell you so, while the more sensitive man will just feel crushed, because he put himself out there, risked his ego and contacted you, only to be told he wasn't good enough for you (remember, in guy brain, that IS what you are saying). He will never dare contact you to tell you how it made him feel, but he will also probably hesitate to contact another woman for a while, in fear of getting the same response. He's got to work up the courage again to risk being rejected again.
Not everyone has a thick skin.
Basically, the guys are say that there is a more TACTFUL way to say the same thing, that would result in a lot less backlash from men you are not interested in pursuing something with. If you don't feel you should be more tactful, then it is better not to respond back at all and hurt their feelings even more.
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 14 Oct, 2011 12:35 PM
I understand now. It's about miscommunication. Maybe if I was more tactful and just as sweet as pie (which I've tried), I will still get the backlash, but at least the guy won't misunderstand what I meant to get across and won't be as offended. That's the beauty of female to male communication lol, This really is a gray area with messaging etiquette where no one seems to agree on what the right thing to do is. So I think it is safe to say that the best thing to do is what works best for you, and what you feel is right to do and check if your heart is in the right place. :)
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 14 Oct, 2011 12:37 PM
In the first post, all I was saying (albeit, with some sarcasm thrown in, which might've thrown you off) is it wasn't really that insightful since everybody already knows the only reason women reject men is because they aren't interested. You can go or not go into the specifics of why they aren't interested all you want, but it still comes down to the same thing. The second post should be pretty self-explanetory.
You: So I do not see how this wouldn't be helpful to the average guy that is interested in a woman that is not interested in him. What is your advice to them then?
Me: There's nothing to advise. To them I say find a girl you're interested in, do your best, and most likely have it blow up in your face. I was just saying that what you said wasn't really that helpful (about her not being interested in him specifically) because he doesn't realize that before it's too late. It was a pretty simple statement to get.
"There's no nice way to say this, so I'm just going to say it: I'm not interested. Sorry." How hard is that? The point of sending a message back like that is just to be courteous enough to let them know that they shouldn't wait for nothing and that you aren't playing hard to get. What do you care what they do with that? It's not like you cared about or were interested in them anyway.
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 14 Oct, 2011 01:43 PM
If I did not care, I wouldn't have wrote this post. Just because I am not interested in them, doesn't mean I want to disregard their feelings. Since there really is no way of rejecting someone without harmed feelings, the best advice I can give is to guys and everyone is to not criticize themselves so harshly themselves about it. If this is advice they already know, then there shouldn't be any reason for people to question "What's wrong with me?" "What am I doing wrong?" So this post was to tell guys who feel this way that they are more than likely, not doing anything wrong and there is nothing wrong with them.
Me: "A little insight to why SOME women ignore messages that could maybe help you understand there is no need to get offended by a rejection."
Many women ignore messages because she doesn't think the man is a good match to her, and not because she thinks he is unworthy or that she is better than him. Not all guys know this and is why I'm just making it clear to the "woe is me" crowd that I used to be a part of. Just passing on advice that I've been given. :)
My advise is not "women reject you because they are not interested", if you thought that was what I was trying to say, I can see why you thought it was silly haha. That's definitely "No duh" advice. :goofball:
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 14 Oct, 2011 03:20 PM
Okay. That is reeeally splitting hairs though. Not really sure how that's better either. I mean it's not like she thinks they wouldn't make a good match because there's nothing wrong with him.
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 14 Oct, 2011 03:59 PM
"I mean it's not like she thinks they wouldn't make a good match because there's nothing wrong with him."
Are you saying there has to be something wrong with the person someone rejects and not because they simply do not match? I look for men who want to have children, but I never think there is something wrong or that I am better than a person who doesn't want children. I acknowledge the mismatch interests that we have.
