Ok, say you have a website where you can only see the profiles of those who not only match your criteria, but you match theirs. No one can simply browse your profile and take a look at it, you both have to match to see it.
Ok, so we all know that there are some very sensitive questions that many people have that are make or break for people, that if they knew up front, they would not bother to start a conversation with that person. I am mainly speaking of sexual purity and or reason for divorce. My question is, would you be willing to give an answer to those questions so that people can search against them? And BTW, the answer to those questions would NEVER be shown, even if you are a match, you simply could search against them.
Say, for example, someone is not willing to marry someone who is not a virgin. If you stated that you were not a virgin, then you wouldn�t show up in their matches, and you wouldn�t have to deal with being rejected by them. Their loss. In the same way, if someone believes that divorce is only allowed for adultery, and you have divorced for other reasons, then you would not show up in their matches either.
(If you are expecting a dating site to filter out all the liers and pick the perfect guy for you, then you are expeting more than what a dating site can give.)
The issue is our perception of this, and other online sites, is all wrong. They are NOT dating sites... they are introductory sites only. A chance to say hello to other people who's lives may otherwise never have crossed your path. The filters you are suggesting would speed up the process to getting to those questions, but they truly are things you will only know for sure when you take the time to get to know them. Hence, all social niceties are thrown out the window and people make comments to you without even giving you their name.
We all have a preconceived notion of who we are. And being online gives us a boldness we might not otherwise have face to face. We are more demanding.
The ones that I get a kick out of are the ones that say "I like sunsets and the ocean and warm puppies" and little else,... or "I don't know what to say about myself... you wanna know something, just ask" !! :yay: This is not helpful!
There are over 17000 people on this site. That is way too much work for the other person... you have to meet them part way by opening some doors!
I would much prefer someone to ask those questions directly, if they really want to know. Just because a computer says you are or are not a "match" doesn't make it true.
These kinds of set ups and questions take GOD out of the picture. What happens if someone is a destiny person for another person, but they answer those questions differently (based on their own personal preferences) , and never get "matched up" because of their answers?
Sometimes we think we want a spouse or a partner with certain qualities (and there is nothing wrong with that), but we should also ALWAYS BE OPEN TO THE PERSON GOD ACTUALLY HAS FOR US. Sometimes what we want in a person and what God knows we need in a person are two very different things.
Opposites attract for a reason...usually to help balance each other out. One person is more outgoing, the other more shy, for example. So, one person might have had an ungodly past before they came to the Lord, while another might have lived a squeaky clean Christian life since they were a child. We are all the same in God's eyes...all sinners, saved by the Grace and Love of Jesus...we should not limit God in our quest for a potential spouse, and that is exactly what site questions like that do.
I would have no problem answering those questions to help "narrow the field" in an ideal world, but unfortunately it is difficult to take everything into account because no one situation is the same. But it would probably be nice to have a couple more filter options. And as long as the answers were never shown, I would have no problem answering those types of questions. Of course, I have no problem answering them in conversation either as long as the conversation is appropriate. I just wouldn't advertise everything to everyone like I've seen in some profiles (to each their own, and if you are comfortable with that, go for it I s'pose!).
sexual purity questions:the way the question is phrased is too black and white. for example:being molested and had sex not by my choice. those that have been raped or molested would be caught in a catch 22. If this has happened to them, they are shameful of it even though the action was out of their control and would not want to broadcast it on the internet. But if they pick another choice they would feel like they have lied, which by being a christian is sinning. Also, this same response would be for maybe a teenager that was being sexual abused by an adult. This would also fall under the category of having sex but not by choice.
a better choice of questioning would be: are you okay with having sex out of marriage? yes/no
this would show more the level of sexual morals one has in comparison to the Word of God. A christian will either on side of the other on this question. It also shows one seeking if the one they are looking at have the same morals on this issue. After all, there are christains that believe living together if not fornication.
if someone seeking has a requirement that they will only meet someone if they are a virgin, they can always list this as one of their requirements under the requirement category.
reason for divorce: unless there is physical abuse in the home, people do not divorce for only one reason. Divorce is satan's work. Both in the people directly involved and those on the outside judging. However, there are teachings in the Bible of divorce and remarriage. Because of this and due to the different levels of christianity views on it, some general levels may be appropriate. But do have the choice, would prefer to discuss at a later time. this way, the one who is listed as divorced will not be affended if ever asked by someone who responded to their profile listing.
Either way, we all should keep in mind that we all fall short and are all forgiven by grace when we confess our sin, ask forgiveness, and repent of it. When we do this, God forgets it ever happened. Sin is sin, it has no levels like in the criminal court system we have. One who hates his brother has murdered them in their heart. One who is married and lusted in their heart after another has already committed adultery in their heart. Jesus knows our heart. Isn't christianity about accepting Christ Jesus and desire to be more like Him? Are we to be like the Pharases, or like Jesus.
One more thought: if one is going to lie, they are going to lie. It is satan's work-deception. Satan is the prince of the world and as long as we are in it, we will be around it. Satan tells one to lie in hopes to have more responses, however, it has only wasted their time and anyone they may have met together with's time. The truth eventually surfaces.
