Author	Thread: How much do you want or need to know?
Admin	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 27 Aug, 2011 03:50 PM How much do you expect a female to tell you about their past relationships? I ask because I had an off and on relationship for about 13 years. We broke up almost a year ago. The emotional pain is healed, I've taken responsibility for my part, forgiven him for his and truly moved on. I rarely think of him at all. I dated someone earlier this year that was very frustrated that I did not talk about this past relationship more than I did. I was frustrated that the details of his past relationship continued to unravel over time. There was definitely a personality conflict going on here, but is there more to it than that? Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 31 Aug, 2011 06:48 PM I've heard it said that a couple should have one good "airing out" session. This should take place sometime after the couple starts to date very seriously, but before the couple gets engaged. One of the things that should be covered during this session is past relationships. I personally think that just the basics should be covered about past relationships: when the relationship started and ended (approximately), how much physical intimacy was involved (if any), how the relationship ended, current feelings toward the person, and how much contact they have with each other at the present time. Each person would get a chance to share their own history, and ask questions of each other. Hopefully, this would be an honest, open, non-judgmental, and educational time for both people. It could be "risky" to be so open with each other, but if the relationship is heading towards marriage, neither should there be secrets. Post Reply
View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 1 Sep, 2011 11:53 AM bcpianogal I agree with what she said here. I met a Reitred Marine in 2009 on another Christian website. He Aired everything about himself from A-Z. I did not ask all this of him, I was trying to get to know him not all about his past gays, and relationships.:excited: I met him Once in person and that was it for me. We never got along after that on Phone because we kept arguing. He was not a real Christian either, that was revealed early on. Post Reply
View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 1 Sep, 2011 12:00 PM (all about his past gays, and relationships.) Oops... that should be Gals, he liked women as in girlfriends. At least I think he did! And he wanted a Christian Wife now.YEEEK:toomuch: Post Reply
View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 1 Sep, 2011 02:26 PM Thank you ladies, I agree that there should be one airing out session, where the basics are discussed and that is it. IF it's heading someplace serious. Guys are too competitive to handle knowing more than what is necessary. I do not think it is healthy to continuously refer back to past relationships at any time and especially inappropriate when you first start seeing someone. Someone mentioned that it's natural to want to know things. I find it quite natural to have little to no interest at all in the girls that a guy dated before me. Weird. A time frame and what they learned from it would be just fine for me. Also, it is harder to respect someone you are dating when they are venting to you everything that they hated about their ex. Sooner than later, it's going to be them venting to others about you. Post Reply
View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 3 Sep, 2011 07:26 PM Honestly, if anyone isn't willing to talk about past relationship issues/problems, then I probably wouldn't be interested in them at all. If they think they might've made a mistake in a previous relationship, then they need to be willing to admit it. Why??? Because "honesty" is one of the main characteristics that I'm looking for in a companion. If they aren't willing to fully explain what happened leading up to the end of their previous relationships, then it indicates to me that they aren't willing to be vulnerable by trusting me with that information...or they're prideful and aren't willing to admit that they might've made a serious mistake in a previous relationship, which could've been what caused it to end...but either way, it's still a "deal breaker". Truth is, I need someone who is willing to be honest...and not only admit how they might've messed up in their past relationships, but also be willing to keep an open mind to avoid making the same kinda mistakes in the future. I've also realized something important about relationships...someone who is prideful and/or selfish, will walk away from a relationship that their own sinfulness has crashed...and without any intention to repent and try to correct the problem. However, a "Believer" (someone filled with the Holy Spirit) is unable to do such a thing because the Holy Spirit will not allow them to simply walk away. That's one way you can know whether or not someone has the Holy Spirit within them. If they can walk away like it doesn't matter even though they've clearly violated scripture, then they either don't have the Holy Spirit (not born again), or they're disobeying and grieving the Holy Spirit (and trust me, in such cases, they will eventually repent of what they've done wrong). That's how I know I'm a child of God...because I know in my spirit when I've done something wrong. However, you also have to be careful sometimes by making sure as to whether or not you actually did something wrong. Why??? Because satan and his demons love to throw false guilt on people, (also known as the "guilt trip") and I've had that happen many times. If you've kept an open mind to the other person's view of things, and were willing to allow the other person to explain to you "their side of the story", yet afterward you're still 100 percent sure they're wrong, then pay no attention to the lies and deceptions of "false guilt" from the enemy. Remember, you've only sinned if scripture plainly declares you've done something wrong...and if you think you've probably done something wrong in God's sight, then own up to it quickly by apologizing and asking the other person for forgiveness before it's too late to resolve the situation. Remember, scripture tells us not to let the sun go down on our wrath...so it's in our best interest to resolve issues by "apologizing" and/or "forgiving" the same day. Post Reply

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