Thread: Why do guys start to talk to a girl, but when they find out about their children, they run far and fast/
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Why do guys start to talk to a girl, but when they find out about their children, they run far and fast/
Posted : 19 Dec, 2008 01:51 PM
I have three boys who have beenthrough alot in their short lives. whentalking to a guy, and they ask about them, they seem to run. Why ask, if you really don't want to know?
Why do guys start to talk to a girl, but when they find out about their children, they run far and fast/
Posted : 20 Jan, 2009 01:14 AM
Let me preface this by saying that it's not right, but you asked what guys think. I'm only one person and voicing my personal opinion - don't know about other guys.
Whoever posted that maybe guys think it's easy being a single mom - that's absolutely untrue - where would you get that impression? I think part of the problem is rooted in how hard it is for the single mom. When she's looking for a mate, she's not only looking for a person to love her, but a person to love her children and help care for them as a father. So the man is already coming into a situation with higher-than-normal expectations, which can turn away some potential suitors.
Another reason is that not only does he have to get along and"click" with the woman, but the children as well. How many men do you truly click with? It's hard enough to find a match where two people hit it off, but when you start trying to get 3, 4, 5 people to hit it off at once, it becomes exponentially more difficult.
Another part of it, for me, is figuring out why the father is not around anymore. Why were the vows not kept? Is the separation indicitve of a problem of his? Of hers? Or were they not even married when the kids were born? Whose fault is that?
Probably the biggest reason for me, though, is that I don't know how the kids were raised. The father is out of the picture for some reason. Is that because he's a deadbeat dad? Didn't love the children? Didn't love the mom? Has he engrained a bad example in the children's head already? Are they rebellious for having no father figure? Will the children accept me?
I want to raise my children to be respectable citizens. I've been around some very well raised children, and some very poorly raised ones. What about these kids I'm about to take on with this relationship? Are they well-mannered, or out of control? How old are they? Are they "too far gone" to be raised right? I believe that too many people don't start instilling proper manners/etiquette/etc until the kids get older, and that it needs to be done early on. Bad habits start young. So, to me, the younger the children are, the more willing I am to step into that relationship.
There are just a lot of "what if"s that need answered, and a lot of times it just isn't worth the hassle. What if the girl is the woman of my dreams, but the kids hate me - isn't that worse than never getting to know the woman in the first place?
Another reason is that I want my own children, of my seed. I don't know if that would be considered selfish, but that's what I want. Is my partner going to want the same if they already have 2 or 3 kids? In theory I'd be able to love them all the same, but can that truly happen? I don't know.
Don't get me wrong, there are single mom's I've been more than willing to step in as a father figure for, but for one reason or another things didn't work with the mom.
Bottom line is that there are a LOT of additional questions that need addressed in order to go down the road of dating a divorced mother. There are definite red flags that go up. It's not impossible to overcome, though - and every red flag may be able to be addressed and eliminated. I realize nobody is perfect, including myself. I'm not trying to judge others out there - just answering honestly as to some of the thoughts that go through my head when asked that question.
A lot of it boils down to selfishness. Not right, but it is what it is.
