Not to be confused with "playing hard to get", because no one likes that, it's generally considered to be a bad thing.
Would be more attracted to a girl, or more likely to go after her if you thought she was uninterested in you, or if you messaged her once, maybe, and she replied back but didn't seem to take much interest in you?
Is a woman who seems unattached a lot more likely to gain your attention, because you had to do a lot to impress her, or you felt you had to say something just right?
Does her turning you down seem to add more value to her or maybe subtly saying some things to you but then turning her attention elsewhere for a time , somehow, make her seem like a prize you have to win, and you're in competition?
I hope these questions didn't offend anyone, if so I wholeheartedly apologize, I just wanted to know, because this is a reoccurring theme I see in different scenarios, and it's kind of bothering me.
(And yes, this could apply to women who want men's affections as well) I'm just asking all general audience.
After thinking about this for sometime, I will answer you with the following:
The online deal is kind of difficult, because the rules and norms and social manner/graces are not so well established and are still in flux.
In the real world that is face to face, when someone approaches us and speaks to us, social convention dictates we should that we respond back, even to shoot someone down, unless however, we are rude people.
On here, some of us, may over-think and worry that the person might feel rejected or hurt if we express disinterest. So we say nothing back, when they message us and we read what they said.
Others may withhold any expression, because we are looking for more from them before ruling them out as potential spouses. Fence-sitting, so to speak.
Others play hard to get, or make you work for it, in varying degrees.
Some have an idea that his/her pursuit of us tells the how serious we are wanted/needed. "Win my heart"
The question then becomes...
How much peacocking is required to woo us? How great an investment of self are they prepared to lay it on the line?
On the other side, in the "manzone", a lot Guys give up after a lack of response/interest. Rationale being something like, if it was meant to be, she would have least acknowledged what I expressed with a response.
Every user of this site knows when a message sent was read or not. If she read two email, and didn't respond, how can you miss her lack of interest. If I keep emailing her, will she think I am a weirdo stalker... I better move on.
So a guy gets left wondering... was it my breath or something I said?
"Princekermit, that was a very intelligent response, I think I do not perceive as much as you do, but you are right."
Thank you for the complement. You implied I was smart, and perceptive. Let me say this:
"to God alone be the glory" Also, on that, Paul says: "It is no longer I who live, but He who lives in me".
There was a time, where my God given high IQ, was a source of pride, just as it is written "Knowledge puffs up" and I was an insufferable know-it-all jerk.
I have come to a point, in my new life, where I acknowledge that the fact, that I really don't know much at all. Most of what I thought I knew, is really meaningless.
If there is anything left at all to know, it would be knowing how to really and practically love God, His word and His creation. I wonder if it can be done in just a single lifetime.
To answer your first question, I would definitely not become more interested or attracted to a girl if she acted uninterested. I don't like to play mind games. If a girl is interested then she should act interested. If a girl views my profile but doesn't send a message or at least a wink, then I take it as a sign saying "not interested."
If a girl views my profile, but messages with me a one sentence message or something to the effect of "hi, how are you?" then I take it as a sign of laziness or disinterest on her part. At the very least a girl could write a few sentences or a few short paragraphs about why she is interested or what caught her attention in my profile . . . anything to get a decent conversation going.
Even if I get one of these short messages I will usually try to get a good conversation going, but if she still writes short, disinterested messages then I will politely tell her I don't think we would be a good match.
If a girl "winks" but does not send me a message I take it as a sign that she is interested, but is more traditional and wants to be pursued by letting me send the first message. I actually prefer a "wink" over a short disinterested message especially if the girl has a fairly filled out profile that allows me to get idea of her personality.
To answer your second question, if I feel like I have to constantly impress her just to maintain her interest then I will politely tell her I am not interested. I do not think there is anything wrong with a girl wanting to be pursued or have a guy be romantic to win her affections. I actually think this is a good thing. What I don't like is constantly having to "battle" her disinterest to the extent I cannot show any weakness or imperfection at all. No one is perfect, everyone has personality their own failings and personality quirks but a relationship is about choosing to love another unconditionally. As the Bible says in I Corinthians, charity (love) does not vaunt itself, it is not "puffed up" meaning love is not prideful. It does not have to boast, impress, or pump itself up. If I feel that I have to do that to show my interest or "love" for someone in a relationship then that is not the kind of relationship I want to be in "until death do I part". I want to be able to lower my guard around my partner and be able to rely on her for support when I need it as opposed to me constantly having to keep my "shields up." I want to be able to love someone for who they are in Christ and for them to love me in the same way.
Like I said earlier I don't mind pursuing a girl or having to "win" her over as long as things stay fun, light, and playful. These things definitely depend on the context and how things are being treated. For instance, if a girl constantly flirts with another guys when I am around for the sake of trying to make me "jealous" then that definitely crosses the line.
Yes and No to all your questions. The kind of bait you use determines the kind of fish you catch.
I think the best bait is openess and honesty, holding just enough back to add a tinge of mystery and having enough restraint to 'let things happen' instead of 'making things happen'.
Rachel, my answer to all three is no. If I thought a woman wasn't interested I would move on, a woman who seemed unattached would lose my attention in a heartbeat, and if I got turned down I would move on. If she came back I would remind her she turned me down and I have moved on and she needs to as well.
