Author	Thread: speaking up
shepherdess View Profile History	speaking up Posted : 9 Jan, 2011 07:55 AM Is it as hard for the men to speak up and start a conversation as it is for some of us? (some think the man should initiate anyway, or she is ..........whatever) Even when someone puts you in favorites, it seems they never write and ...how else are you going to find anything out?? Many don't frequent the forums, which I think is a great place to see what they are about. Do you feel if you email privatly that she will think you are "too serious" or something? Post Reply
View Profile History	speaking up Posted : 9 Jan, 2011 09:38 AM I would speak up if I was interested. Even being put on someone's list of favorites is no reason for me to contact her if I'm not interested. If I want to get to know someone better I'll make the first move. chevy Post Reply
View Profile History	speaking up Posted : 9 Jan, 2011 09:43 AM Let me clarify--- I meant if a lady put me on her list of favorites I may not say anything to her if I wasn't interested in getting to know her. If someone is on my list of favorites----- we've already had more than a couple of conversations. chevy Post Reply
SilverFire View Profile History	speaking up Posted : 9 Jan, 2011 11:23 AM I've never had a problem speaking up. The problem with most guys is not the ability to speak up; it's that they're usually pretty scarred from their previous experiences. Post Reply
SilverFire View Profile History	speaking up Posted : 9 Jan, 2011 11:25 AM Ack...I mean that's why guys don't speak up. Post Reply
View Profile History	speaking up Posted : 9 Jan, 2011 11:44 AM From what I understand, and I haven�t done any studies on this just taking the expert�s advice, women are usually a lot better a starting a conversation then men. This site tends to be a free-for-all kind of site, and it can be very overwhelming on who to message sometimes. Even if a guy puts you in his favorites, it doesn�t necessarily mean that he will contact you. All it means is that he thought you might be interesting and didn�t want to have to go back and search for you again. It also might be that he is exploring a possibility with someone else at the moment, but is keeping you in mind in case things don�t work out. I view it this way. If you see a guy at church that might be interesting, do you just stand around doing nothing and hope he walks up to, or do you get up your courage and go over to him and introduce yourself. For me it is one things to get a conversation going by stopping by and saying hi. It�s another thing all together to ask someone out. If you want to get their attention, you need to at least say hi. Most guys on this site don�t mind if you write to them first, just take the time to make the message unique, to let him know that you have actually read his profile. Or you could just sit there doing NOTHING and HOPE somebody will talk to you. Post Reply
View Profile History	speaking up Posted : 9 Jan, 2011 11:57 AM Being on a Favorite List probably has nothing to do with anything except they might be interested in talking to you someday and want a easy way to find you again. or It could be like me with a touch screen smart phone....opps, just added a favorite....oh well.. Post Reply
shepherdess View Profile History	speaking up Posted : 9 Jan, 2011 01:25 PM thanks for the answers. good to know it is not that different for you men~ Favorites is the easy way to find them again and not get "lost in the shuffle" thanks Post Reply
View Profile History	speaking up Posted : 9 Jan, 2011 10:39 PM The problem is that this is a dating site. When a man contacts a woman he assumes that she assumes he is interested in her romantically, and wants to date her right away (and eventually marrying her). This of course is unrealistic and can't end up good for him or her. It makes no sense to date a girl after reading 10 lines about her. It makes no sense to marry every girl we initially find interesting. That's why men sometimes are afraid to talk to a girl, because all they want for now is to know more about her, about her character, the way she thinks, her dreams, her thoughts on life, marriage, the role faith plays in her life, etc--you know, just to become friends. My advice for women is this: first become friends with the man contacting you, this way you both know the person before you take a more serious step in the relationship, and this way you both take your time under relaxed friendship atmosphere exploring the relationship and where you want it to head. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	speaking up Posted : 10 Jan, 2011 12:20 AM Is it hard for me to send a woman a message now? Not at all. I've done it so many times, it doesn't bother me in the least. If I really like her profile, I might be slightly disappointed if I don't hear back from her, but I know that if she didn't like my message, she's not going to like me in person, and it's better to figure that out from the start. It was a lot harder when I first started out though. By doing it over and over again, it became much easier. That's the way anything in life goes though. Want to get better at meeting strangers in public? Start talking to more strangers in public. Want to get better at football? Play more football. Want to get better at public speaking? Do more public speaking. I feel like the Church has encouraged this idea that if a woman does anything other than ignore a guy, she's pursuing him, will never find a husband, and will become a cat lady. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	speaking up Posted : 10 Jan, 2011 05:35 AM Tulip said: "I feel like the Church has encouraged this idea that if a woman does anything other than ignore a guy, she's pursuing him, will never find a husband, and will become a cat lady." Yep. And for those of us who fell for that encouragement for years...well, you can see where it got me. Apparently guys don't usually assume that being ignored by a girl means the girl is interested. Post Reply

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