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The joke thread
Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 07:26 PM

One of the things that a woman looks for in a guy is that he is funny. Here�s a chance to show your humor to the ladies. Just remember, everyone enjoys a different type of humor, some like it dry, some like it sarcastic, others enjoy a play on words, so don�t feel like you have to please everyone. This is an opportunity to demonstrate what kind of humor you enjoy.



Ladies, feel free to jump in and enjoy.

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Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 07:28 PM

Ok, I�ll start us off with a really bad one. See if you can top this one.



A horse walks into a bar. Bartender looks at him and says, �So, why the long face?�

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Tulip89

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Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 09:05 PM

A clumsy man walked into a bar. He said, "Ouch, that hurt!"

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Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 09:22 PM

How is a divorce like a tornado?

Either way, you're gonna lose the trailer.

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Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 09:32 PM

Ok, this ones a little better:





At the end of the age when all the believers were standing in line waiting to get into heaven, God appeared and said, "I want all the men to form two lines. One line will be for the men who were the true heads of their households. The other will be for the men who were dominated by their wives."



God continued, "I want all the women to report to St. Peter."



The women left and the men formed two lines. The line of men who were dominated by their wives was seemingly unending. The line of men who were the true head of their household had one man in it.



God said to the first line, "You men ought to be ashamed or yourselves. I appointed you to be the heads of your households and you were disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose. Of all of you, there is only one man who obeyed me. Learn from him."



Then God turned to the lone man and asked, "How did you come to be in this line?"



The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

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Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 09:55 PM

This is good. I'm looking forward to seeing what the men come up with. Tulip - try again. You can do better than that, I'm thinkin'

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Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 10:15 PM

A man arrives at the gates of heaven.



ST. Peter asks, "Religion?"



The man says, "Methodist."



ST. Peter looks down at his list and says, "Go to Room 24, but be very quite as you pass room 8."





Another man arrived at the gates of heaven, "Religion?"



"Baptist."



"Go to room 18, but be very quite as you pass room 8."





A third man arrived at the gates of heaven, "Religion?"



"Jewish."



"Go to room 11, but be very quite as you pass room 8."



The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quite as o pass room 8?"



ST. Peter tells him, "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.

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Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 10:41 PM

A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to heaven. At the top they met God and he asked them, "How do you like it so far?"



The mouse replied, "Its great, but can I have a pair of roller skates?"



God said sure, and he he gave him a pair of roller skates.



The next day God saw the cat and asked him, "How do I like it up here so far?"



And the cat replied, "GREAT, I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!"

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Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 10:46 PM

:ROFL:

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Posted : 11 Nov, 2010 01:27 AM

Mister zebra ponders his color.

he asks all the animals if he is white with black stripes or black with white stripes.

none can tell him but they all say mister owl is the wisest ask him

Mister owl says Even though I am the wisest I cannot give you that answer Only the who created you can answer that question

you need to talk to God

mister zebra asks God; Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?

God replies ; I made you you are what you are.

mister zebra still not knowing and afraid to ask again says thank you and leave still pondering his color.

weeks later he runs into mister owl mister owl asks him; so are you white with black stripes or black with white stripes

mister zebra replies I don't know.

mister owl asks what did God say

mister zebra replies ; God said" I made you, you are what you are"

mister owl says oh so you are white with black stripes

mister zebra says how do you figure that?

Mister owl says; if you wore black with white stripes

god would have said

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Posted : 11 Nov, 2010 01:35 AM

Mister zebra ponders his color.

he asks all the animals if he is white with black stripes or black with white stripes.

none can tell him but they all say mister owl is the wisest ask him

Mister owl says Even though I am the wisest I cannot answer Only the who created you can answer that question

you need to talk to God

mister zebra finds God and asks Him : dear God, you made me ,Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?

God replies ; yes I made you, you are what you are.

mister zebra still not knowing and afraid to ask again says thank you and leave still pondering his color.

weeks later he runs into mister owl mister owl asks him; so are you white with black stripes or black with white stripes

mister zebra replies I don't know.

mister owl asks what did God say

mister zebra replies ; God said" I made you, you are what you are"

mister owl says oh so you are white with black stripes

mister zebra says how do you figure that?

Mister owl says; if you were black with white stripes

God would have said :

I made you you is what you is.

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