Author	Thread: Guys, I need your help!
cowgirl1984 View Profile History	Guys, I need your help! Posted : 14 Oct, 2010 06:42 PM I have been communicating off and on a little bit with a guy on another site. He approached me first. He asked how I was and if I would like to chat. We have exchanged a few messages, but most have been very short. It was a little boring, so I asked him what he liked to talk about. He wrote back and said he liked to talk about God. That was it. I mean, that is totally fine, but that is such an enormous topic and so general that it was completely unhelpful in starting a conversation. We hadn't messaged for a bit, and then we sent each other a couple more messages. A couple days went by, and then today he asked how I was doing. To be quite frank, I am tired of carrying conversations with people who don't give me anything to work with, so I wrote back and said I was alright and asked how he was doing. His response was: "I am doing well because of who God is and that is the only reason that I am doing well" At this point, I have two issues. The first is that there is no conversation (we might have had a couple decent messages) and yet he wants to talk off the site, which I do not do very quickly anyway as a rule. It has been painfully boring trying to carry on a conversation with someone who, from his profile, I thought I would have a lot in common with. My second issue is, if his response when I ask him how he's doing is, "I am doing well because of who God is and that is the only reason that I am doing well," it feels to me like he is trying too hard to "sound Christian." This is something that has been a big pet peeve of mine with Christians. Everything is happy-happy smiley-smiley plastic Christianity because God is perfect (which yes, He is) so life is always wonderful (which no, it's not, even God said it won't be). Is my impression that he's trying too hard to sound Christian instead of just being real with me the correct impression? This is not the first time I've had something like this come up, so an answer would be helpful. Also, I don't really want to invest a lot into talking to him, so I don't want to lead him on, but I also don't know how to just properly out of the blue say, "I don't want to talk to you anymore," since from another thread it appears what I always thought was good is, in fact, not good, haha. Help!!! Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Guys, I need your help! Posted : 14 Oct, 2010 07:00 PM I'd say, just be honest with him. Maybe even give him one more chance to catch your interest. Who knows, maybe he's thinking the same thing about you:laugh:. I wouldn't chat off-site though, not unless you're interested in him. He sounds like a possible "fakey". A lot of people put stuff in their profile to catch attention, not necessarily to describe themselves. :peace::peace: Post Reply
View Profile History	Guys, I need your help! Posted : 14 Oct, 2010 07:11 PM I agree do not chat off site. However, why do you expect him to carry the conversation? Are there some things about God or Christianity which you feel passionate about? If there is ; use these passions to formulate pointed questions and soon enough you will find out if he is for real! Post Reply
cowgirl1984 View Profile History	Guys, I need your help! Posted : 14 Oct, 2010 08:06 PM Thank you both for your advice! @Mark. Me? Boring? HA! Just kidding. I definitely have my boring moments. I'm glad to know that, regardless of whether I'm right, my suspicions are not unfounded. @twosparrows. You raise a good point. I guess to clarify, I didn't mean I expected him to carry on that particular conversation, but I probably could have made more effort. It's just that every time I ask questions, he doesn't give responses I can "work with" or ask questions back.. I meant conversation in general. It's impossible to have a conversation with someone who does not actively participate in it. If you want to get to know someone, wouldn't you ask them stuff? I posted something about this point specifically in the Ask a Girl forum. Since you both agreed I should not talk to him offsite, this raises another question I've always had. What's the general rule of thumb to when you start talking to someone off site? I know it should only be someone you genuinely want to get to know, but is there a "timeline"? What are some signs that the guy is safe/genuine or not safe/genuine? Post Reply
SilverFire View Profile History	Guys, I need your help! Posted : 14 Oct, 2010 08:58 PM If a guy trusts you with stuff that he doesn't tell just anyone, then it's a good sign that he's genuine. If he's interested, but not controlling, then it's a good sign that he's genuine. If he doesn't fit any creepy stereotypes, then...you get the idea. I wouldn't say there's a timeline, but I would agree that you should only talk to people off-site that you are interested in getting to know. As for this guy, it sounds like he's throwing back stock answers and isn't really interested in you. Believe me, when a guy is interested, it's hard to shut him up. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Guys, I need your help! Posted : 14 Oct, 2010 09:14 PM It looks like your initial question has been addressed pretty well, so I'll take your second one. There isn't really an exact timeline. The best rule of thumb is when you feel comfortable. I'm kind of weirded out by long distance internet relationships, so I'll leave that kind of advice to people who have tried it. As far as local people go, just meet up in a coffee shop or some other public place. You aren't exactly in any danger while you're in Starbuck's at 3 in the afternoon surrounded by 30 people. If he sketches you out, you can leave. If not, you can see him again. I like meeting fairly quickly so that we don't build up expectations o of each other that don't line up with reality when you actually do meet. It's not inherently sketchy to want to go off the site fairly quickly. Is it sketchy if a guy gives you his number in the first or second message though? Yes. Regarding how to spot sketchy guys, your best bet is to go with your gut. I would recommend staying away from guys with gelled up hair, necklaces, graphic t-shirts, flat brimmed hats, skater shoes, sleeveless shirts, etc., but I think that's just my own personal prejudices coming out... Post Reply
cowgirl1984 View Profile History	Guys, I need your help! Posted : 14 Oct, 2010 10:51 PM @SilverFire. You said, "As for this guy, it sounds like he's throwing back stock answers and isn't really interested in you. Believe me, when a guy is interested, it's hard to shut him up." If you read in my post, HE approached ME. I had stopped talking to him (I hadn't been on the site) and then when I was back on, we had left it hanging so I let him know I was back. We started talking, then it dropped off, and he just messaged me. He has asked me a couple times to talk on facebook or the phone. So, the stock answers are not a lack of interest. That was why I was suspicious... @Tulip. Your personal prejudices just tossed out 90% of the guys in the Valley HAHAHAHAHA. You've basically left me with no one. Maybe I will move to Hawaii and marry a hot beach bum in tattered khaki shorts and a blue plaid button up collared shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows and with sandy hair and some scruff on his face and bright blue eyes and a good tan and nice and muscley from all the surfing... Yeah that sounds about right! :laugh: I'm actually not too terribly picky about looks, but the beach bum fantasy was kind of nice I must admit! Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Guys, I need your help! Posted : 15 Oct, 2010 06:52 AM 90% of guys in Oregon are UFC fighters? Post Reply
DEEDEE72 View Profile History	Guys, I need your help! Posted : 15 Oct, 2010 07:04 AM Cowgirl- I so know what you mean. I usually take this to mean they are not interested. I mean they will not put in the slightest bit of effort. I sometimes think these men expect something magical to happen adnd then they will open up. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Guys, I need your help! Posted : 15 Oct, 2010 07:53 AM When I started talking to my girlfriend, we moved "off-site" pretty quickly, but we just moved to other online chat things like AIM/Skype. We never did talk on the phone much, and we didn't meet in person until almost 6 months later. That was just us, but "online" is a scary place, and I'd be wary about phoning/meeting anyone after just a month or two unless you had a really good idea of what he was like. Especially if it's "long distance". I guess the basic rule would be, do what you feel comfortable with. Look for honesty more than anything. If a guy is telling you what you want to hear all the time, then I'd be cautious. He needs to be honest/smart/considerate about the whole online thing, and realistic about how fast relationships should progress on the internet. :peace::peace: Post Reply
View Profile History	Guys, I need your help! Posted : 15 Oct, 2010 09:24 AM Yep, sounds like he's not interested. He'd ask questions if he was. I was msging with a guy on here the other day and he started replying with short answers and no questions back. I only carry a couple times before not responding anymore. What I answered to his original question wasn't interesting enough for him :rolleyes: Post Reply

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