This is a follow-up to my topic, "multiple choice question about winks" (http://www.christiandatingforfree.com/forum/forum_details.php?topic_id=6291&forum_sub_cat_id=9&start=0) from a week ago. I asked why a guy would send a wink to someone who is attached. In an attempt to better pinpoint an answer, I'm starting this little *experiment*.
A little bit ago, I went through a few pages of my winks and selected 10 men at random to send a message to. I copied and pasted the same message to each of them... The message expressed my uncertainty regarding responding to winks and asked why a wink was sent. As I receive responses from these men, I'll assign them a # and then update this... (If the response I get from a guy is super personal, I may edit it for privacy reasons.) I'm probably going to send messages to more, but will just include the 1st 10 in data here.
Guy #2 read my message last night but hadn't responded by this morning, so I sent him off a follow-up message:
pixy- "I saw that you read my message, but there's no reply yet =( Did I say something wrong? Or, did I just get lost in your pile of admirers =)"
And I heard from Guy #3:
Guy #3- "Based on my experience and from talking to others on the site... a wink is sent as a way of saying "I like what I see/read, come check me out and see if i'm of interest to you". Like, I will send a wink if I find interest in a woman, but not enough on her profile to start a conversation with. To be honest, I just reread your profile, and am unsure as to why I sent a wink. I see that you're "attached" so I wouldn't have sent it for that reason.. Maybe I missed that part, although that is highly unusual of me..maybe it was late and I was half awake... *shrugs* Either way, that is the reason ( to my knowledge) as to why guys send winks. Sorry if i bothered you."
pixy- "No, it wasn't a bother. I was just curious and you've been a big help. Have a great day =)"
Guy #4- "Hi..fair question...I liked reading your profile...I am not open to pussing any envelops...I would be very interested in your opinions as to the kind of man that a wonderful woman of GOD desires...fair enough?"
pixy- "So, just to clarify... You were aware that I was attached, so you sent a wink as a way to let me know you like my profile w/out pushing the envelope? As far as the kind of man a wonderful woman of God desires, let me do something on that and I'll respond back after your next response =)"
Okay, WOW, lots of messaging today, although I'm still waiting on 2 of the guys (#9 and #10) to read their messages! So, I closed the conversation with #3 and haven't heard anything new from #4 yet (though he did read the message; may need to send a follow-up in the morning!). And, you'll notice that I'm still not finished speaking w/ all of the men below either. This may take a couple more days...
Even after talking to these men, I'm confused, though... LOL Some of them obviously never read my profile. Others seem to have read it, noticed that I'm attached, and just didn't care and decided to pursue me anyway. Others seem to be "pretending" that they didn't notice I was attached and are just being real passive and letting me lead to see where I'll take things.
Anyway, here's what we have for #1, #2, #5, #6, #7, and #8:
Guy #1- "A wink means the guy is interested,u can wink back if u are interested also"
pixy- "Did you read my profile? What did you like about it?"
pixy- "I know I should wait until you reply to my last message before sending another, but I guess I'm just overly eager... lol =) I have another question: When you say that you're interested in me, you mean just as friends, right? Or have I misinterpreted that?"
Guy #1- "i wanted more but i see you have a b/f..."
pixy- "Sorry if this is overly nosy... You must think I'm really dense! So, did you send the wink then so that we could just be friends? Or, were you thinking that there would be a possibility for more even though I have a bf? I guess I'm just trying to figure out why guys are sending me winks when my profile says that I'm attached? I don't know if it means they just want to be friends or they're hoping I'll break up w/ my bf to be w/ them, or what?"
Guy #1- "well this IS a dating site...most people dont have a b/f on here it would be Christian friends for free.i read the first paragraph and your cute so i wink...i read later your whole profile and saw you had a bf.Not to sound mean but why are you on a dating site if you have a bf?? :buddies:"
pixy- "I was single when I joined the site in April and then became involved w/ someone in May. I've made some friends on here and enjoy the forums, so I've stuck around. I saw no harm in that since that 1st paragraph of my profile does say that I'm not available. It's not like I'm misrepresenting myself. Not to sound mean here either, but it's not really my fault if a guy just sends a wink because I'm cute and doesn't actually read my profile."
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pixy- "I saw that you read my message, but there's no reply yet =( Did I say something wrong? Or, did I just get lost in your pile of admirers =)"
Guy #2- "just acknowledging you hoping you'd acknowledge me."
pixy- "Well, I've acknowledged you =) So where do we go from here?"
Guy #2- "well since you are "attached" not too far lol."
pixy- "I appreciate you respecting the fact that I'm attached. So you just sent that wink along then w/ the goal of becoming friends?"
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{Creepaziod below! BEWARE! :goofball:}
Guy #5- "Finally heard from u was wondering if u saw me here,Lets get a beer sometime."
pixy- "You mean like a double date? That could be fun, though I don't drink alcohol and am not comfortable in bar type environments."
Guy #5- "No u an me baby no other couples"
pixy- "Do you really think that's fair to my boyfriend?"
Guy #5- "Dont tell ur boyfriend."
Guy #5- "IR very sexy love that spot on ur sholder by ur bra strap would love to kiss it. U still onkine."
Guy #5- "Ill bring unicorn an koala wit me"
pixy- "Okay... First of all, that's not a bra strap; it's a camisole strap. Secondly, as my profile says, I desire to be loyal to my boyfriend. I was curious as to why you would wink at someone who is attached and you've conveyed that you don't value the sanctity of my relationship or respect my wishes. I appreciate you taking the time to satisfy my curiosity."
Guy #5- "Dont tell me it over so soon baby"
pixy- "Well, it is over (though nothing really began!). As my profile says, I must separate myself from those who attempt to push the envelope. Furthermore, even if I was not attached, I would not be interested in someone who tries to lure woman away from their boyfriends."
Guy #5- "Call me 000 000 0000"
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pixy- "I saw that you read my message, but there's no reply yet =( Did I say something wrong? Or, did I just get lost in your pile of admirers =)"
Guy #6- "Hey, sorry I was gonna reply last night but I was too busy finishing some details about my research that I postpone it. I just got your second msg now. How are you? Do you have a facebook so we can be friends there? I read that you wanna have a Koala as a pet lol. They stink hahha. I haven�t been to Australia yet, but I was living in N. Zealand last year, so I kind of have an idea of what Koalas are like in the flesh, or in the fur if you will. Anyways, this is my email address if you wanna be friends on facebook.......... ___@___."
pixy- "No problem! I suppose I'm not the most patient person ever! I'll maybe look you up next time I'm on FB. Your job sounds really interesting, btw! So, you just sent me a wink because you just want be friends then? Nothing more?"
Guy #6- "I like your profile, very much actually. And, I�d love to get to know you in person, go for a walk, go to the movies, have a nice diner or coffee, make you laugh with my funny accent etc. But, we live far from each other, I am not saying that�s a hindrance coz nothing is impossible for God, but we can start out getting to know each other as friends. I like joking around, if you go to my FB you�ll what I mean, and you can also see hundreds of pics there."
pixy- "Okay. You did happen to notice that I'm involved w/ someone romantically then?"
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Guy #7- "I liked your profile .You l just what to chat with you and get to no you.God bless you"
pixy- "So you sent a wink so that we could get to know each other as just friends then? With no possibility of it being anything more than friends, right?"
Guy #7- "I sent the wink l hope to get to now you better.I like to now you better then friend God bless you"
pixy- "Do you really think we should know each other as better than friends when I have a boyfriend?"
Guy #7- "I am sorry have a good night."
pixy- "I hope you have a good night too."
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pixy- "I saw that you read my message, but there's no reply yet =( Did I say something wrong? Or, did I just get lost in your pile of admirers =)"
Guy #8- "Hi Pixy.Yes I have seen your message,and thank you very much for it.I am very keen to talk to you,for many reasons.But am very busy with something that has to be completed today and did not want to be quick and therefore seem disrespectful.Please accept my apology and I will write real soon. P.s. I really like what I have seen and read so far. God bless you abundantly, xxXXxx"
pixy- "Thanks so much for your reply! I suppose I was just being a little overly eager there. I'll look for a reply from you in the next couple or so days. Hope the project you're working on goes well!"
Thank you Pixy for letting you see what you go though, honestly if I was in sticking distance of number 5 (I think)I would have B*$#@ slapped him literally. I have been hearing such reports from my close female friends, and I find it unacceptable. On behalf of my gender I apologize Pixy :bow: you deserve more than to be harassed like that.
Btw, this is the message I sent to all of the guys initially...
Subject: your wink
Hi there-
I received your wink... This may seem like an odd question, but I am wondering why it was sent??? I get a lot of winks on here and am never sure how I should respond to them (or if I should even respond to them) because it's difficult to know why they're sent in the first place. And w/out knowing why it was sent, it's difficult to know if the guy is just looking for someone to chat w/ or what?
pixy
@Rabbit- No problem! It's been interesting, because I don't normally respond to winks... And these guys have convinced me that I don't need to respond to any in the future!
I've sent out a couple little follow-up messages and #9 and #10 have read their initial messages and responded:
Guy #9- "hello. what are u looking for?"
pixy- "Well, I was just wondering why you winked at me. Were you looking to hook up? Or just be friends?"
Seriously...! Is it not obvious what I'm looking for? What does he think...? My lost keys? My mind? Really! I asked questions. So, clearly, I'm looking for answers to my questions. And since I'm attached and just looking for a chat/email buddy... *sheesh* And this particular guy is a missionary... Even if I did not have a bf, I wouldn't talk to most of these guys! Anyway, after seeing that he read my message and was still online after another 20 minutes or so, I sent a follow-up message:
pixy- "It says you're still on! Did you get my message??"
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Guy #10- "Hey sorry been busy with work I work graveyards and saw u wrote me and all the time I had was to read it sorry how are you doing I just got the jobalmost two wks ago"
pixy- "Hey!! That's great that you got a new job! How exciting! I'm doing okay. So, you must be pretty interested in me since you sent me a wink, eh?"
