Author	Thread: Does this seem unfair?
Admin	Does this seem unfair? Posted : 27 May, 2010 11:00 PM I was talking to a guy for awhile, and he got extremely offended that I didn't immediately respond to his messages. He said I was being rude and disrespectful to him by reading and not responding. I told him in one message that I don't always respond immediately, but that doesn't mean I won't respond it just means my response will come a few days later. I also told him I am not looking for anything more than a friend. I almost never respond to a message/email immediately after reading it, it is the same with my closest friends and family. Does this seem unfair, rude, or disrespectful? Post Reply
View Profile History	Does this seem unfair? Posted : 27 May, 2010 11:16 PM No, I don't think so, Katie. I've done the same thing. Sometimes, I need time to think, pray, etc. before responding to something. Or, sometimes I'm reading something and then get interrupted before I can reply. I think it's reasonable for there to be a delay b/w reading and responding. Post Reply
InHisHonor View Profile History	Does this seem unfair? Posted : 27 May, 2010 11:16 PM I would say that if you told him, or have it in your profile, then he has nothing to whine about. Sounds like he was throwing a temper tantrum and he needs a time out.:dunce: Post Reply
View Profile History	Does this seem unfair? Posted : 27 May, 2010 11:18 PM Yes, a time out is definitely in order! =) Post Reply
InHisHonor View Profile History	Does this seem unfair? Posted : 27 May, 2010 11:21 PM Oh and watch to see if these little tantrums are patterns of his. Last thing you want is a grown child to have to deal with. I call these "red flags". Post Reply
View Profile History	Does this seem unfair? Posted : 27 May, 2010 11:26 PM Yeah, that's definitely a red flag if he exhibits a tantrum trend. It's such egocentric behaviour--very selfish, short-sighted, and immature. But, if it's not a pattern, then maybe he's just having a bad day. I'm not always perfectly delightful in conversation either. Post Reply
View Profile History	Does this seem unfair? Posted : 28 May, 2010 12:01 AM The only rude one in the conversation was the guy. You must be careful in handling the situation so what he said about you does not come true. Ask him where he thinks this friendship is heading he probably thinks something more then friends. So make it crystal clear that you are only looking for a friend and that true Christian friendship is built on a mutual love for Christ and a love like Christ and that what he has said is NOT like Christ. Post Reply
View Profile History	Does this seem unfair? Posted : 28 May, 2010 05:55 AM In the online dating world, having several days or a week go by without a response is a very long time. I am talking about over 36 hours. Now 24 hours, 48 hours --- that is not long. If he had expectations you would respond right away, he needs to make that clear. And he needs to be flexible with people who may not have the same expections ---- or be able to live up to his. I don't see that you did anything wrong. Post Reply
stormcountry33 View Profile History	Does this seem unfair? Posted : 28 May, 2010 10:41 AM Okay katie I'm going to go against the rest here, sorry. I myself find it discouraging when I send out an email, here or elsewhere and see that the person has read it but not responded. I feel like I got the cold shoulder. Now I normally won't say anything and sometimes but not always I'll end up gettign a response. what bothers me is when someone replies sometimes and not all the times. I guess I think that if you have time to sit down and read through your emails you should have time to respond to them. It kind of makes me feel like I'm not important enough to that person to deserve a response. Now I understand what Pixie is saying about praying before responding but I think for the most part. When someone emails you and you take the time to read it...you should send a response. Even you just say "Hey I'll respond to your email later. I want to but I need time to pray about it...think about it...or I'll respond to this when I can sit down and take the time to respond fully." You know somethign like that. Don't leave people hanging, you know. sorry, just my thoughts Katie! Post Reply
IFBJack View Profile History	Does this seem unfair? Posted : 28 May, 2010 12:54 PM You've read it and not replied. If he's the kind of guy who always reads and replys, he might wander do you really like him? Still I wouldn't say anything. I'd be wary of taking advice from people who say unkind things, that would be my advice. Unless he's swore at you etc. I would say reply when you read his messages, or tell him your not interested in him anymore. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Does this seem unfair? Posted : 28 May, 2010 01:52 PM I don't think you were being rude, especially if you told him that you might not always reply right away. Now, if you already replied immediately to his emails, then decided to ignore one for a week, yeah that might seem rude. On the subject of replying right away or not... Sometimes I reply right away, but just as often, I'll wait a couple days. It really depends on the email that I'm answering. If I can send a quick reply, I do so. If I need to take time to think about my reply, I do that. Once in a while, I'll be emailing back and forth with a guy, but the conversation is getting "stale." It's hard to send a reply when his last email was only one sentence long, and really said nothing much. It's very hard to answer an email like that, so I wait until he sends another one, or I wait until I have something to write about without relying on his previous email for conversation topic. A conversation is similar to bouncing a ball back and forth. As long as each person bounces the ball hard enough in the right direction, the other person can catch it and bounce it back. If the person catches it and doesn't return it, the game (ie. conversation) is over. If one person only halfway bounces it so that it never reaches the other person, or bounces it in the wrong direction, the other person has to continually chase it to keep the game going. That gets really old after a while, and it's easier to just let the ball bounce off and ignore it, or let it lie in the middle until the other person picks it up again. s Post Reply

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