Author	Thread: Single for a reason...
xSoldOut4Himx View Profile History	Single for a reason... Posted : 18 Apr, 2010 07:41 AM I think it's important to realize that MANY of us (not all of us) are single for a reason... Whether it would be a loss of a loved one, a divorce, we go to a church with people that aren't our age, we are looking in the wrong places, we are too shy, we are more abrasive than sandpaper, we are insecure, we are prideful, we are still dealing with past hurts, we don't know who we are and obviously we don't know what we are looking for, we try too hard, we don't try hard enough, we... and the list goes on and on and on... I think if this site serves no other purpose than to serve as a Christian community that can show you love (in truth and support) and help you understand/deal with your singleness. The only way/reason people can truly love you is because they were first loved by God and they share that love with others. 2 Corinthians 13:5-6 5 Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you�unless, of course, you fail the test? 6And I trust that you will discover that we have not failed the test. Post Reply
View Profile History	Single for a reason... Posted : 18 Apr, 2010 11:33 AM Perhaps... In the sense that everything is for a reason, I suppose. BUT, I think it's important to recognize here that flawed people get married every day. We're all flawed, and the fact that we are does not preclude us from getting married. What can even be dangerous about thinking that you're "single for a reason" is that it can lend itself to you beating yourself up and changing yourself for the purpose of being marriage-worthy. The truth is that our main goal in life is not to become marriage-worthy. A spouse is not our prize for being "successful." That concept just isn't Biblical. The bottom line is that we need to be glorifying God with our lives. If, in the course of doing that, we meet someone who we think we could glorify God with, then great. But if you're best able to serve Him as a single person, then that's fine. It doesn't mean you're lesser of a person. We should only marry because we're able to glorify God better together with our spouse than without him, and that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with personal flaws. Post Reply
View Profile History	Single for a reason... Posted : 18 Apr, 2010 11:53 PM boy really good posts you two. to add my two cents i need to learn to be happy with myself. maybe that's universally true for everybody, but i don't know. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Single for a reason... Posted : 19 Apr, 2010 01:26 PM Be careful looking to be happy with yourself. There is a lot of temptation to go down the "have high self esteem" route, but we shouldn't be trusting in ourselves. We should be trusting in Christ. Forget self esteem. We need God esteem. Outwardly they look similar, lots of confidence and not looking to others for approval, validation, etc., but they're rooted in two different things. One is rooted in the passing flesh, while the other is rooted in the fact that you are loved by the eternal God of the universe. Post Reply
View Profile History	Single for a reason... Posted : 19 Apr, 2010 03:16 PM IF we are single it is because it is God's will at the moment, that may change or it may not. But we can still serve, love others. As you stated in your original post, we can love others (including our enemies) because Christ first loved us and showed us how we are to love each other. Will we still serve, worship, Gorify God regardless? Rachel Post Reply
View Profile History	Single for a reason... Posted : 19 Apr, 2010 03:17 PM Amen PIXY!!! rachel Post Reply
xSoldOut4Himx View Profile History	Single for a reason... Posted : 19 Apr, 2010 05:25 PM Picy Shouldn't we be striving to become christ-like? I agee with you that you must consider your motivation; are we doing this to be more attractive to a guy/girl or are we doing this to draw closer to Christ? Plus you must consider some of if not all of those things can get in between your relationship with you and Christ. We can "play" Christian, but God knows the serenity of our heart. I agree we are all flawed and we all have weakness and tendencies and if you aren't aware of them the devil can destroy you with his lies. Therefore, I believe it's important to work on things that are getting between you and God while you are single rather than thinking this other person completes me and will make it easier to follow God. I would venture to say it makes it more difficult to follow God after you get married ask anyone who is divorced or married. Tulip Romans 12:3 Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment (real sense of yourself), in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. I can think I'm awesome, but that means I just think of others as even more awesome than myself and that's pretty cool. Therefore, it creates a perfect atmosphere for humility if everyone were to take this to heart. God has blessed each one of us with gifts to glorify Him, therefore there is no need to have a false sense of humility if you are good at something because ultimately its all about God. Aleithia If it's God's will for me to marry a specific girl and I'm too shy to ever ask this girl out then what happens? Isn't there an element of choice in being single? I don't believe EVERY choice we make is right or wrong. Do you think there is one specific person out there for you? Do you believe we must make the "one" right choice or be miserable? If so where do you find this in the Bible? I believe we have gotten this whole "One" from books/movies. Love is a commitment and I believe you should be wise with your decision on who you are going to marry because it can make the marriage more difficult. This was not said in anger or pride, but rather to inspire thought and debate. Thanks! Post Reply
View Profile History	Single for a reason... Posted : 19 Apr, 2010 05:50 PM I didn't say that we're not supposed to be strive to be more Christ-like. In fact, all born again Christians are undergoing sanctification. But, sanctification is a process. None of us become perfect (glorified) until we're in Heaven. Until the consummation of our redemption, we are all imperfect beings. So, I really do think that the concept of "single for a reason" is flawed. We should each be following God's will for our lives and that may include marriage even while we're still terribly, horribly flawed. Or, it may not include marriage even after someone has worked through stuff and is living a disciplined, obedient life. God desires to accomplish His will in our lives in spite of the fact that we're sinners. Furthermore, God calls us to serve Him and to experience His goodness all of our lives, not just after we've worked through our issues or whatever. Marriage, if we go into it with the proper mindset and submit the marriage to the Lord, is an act of service and part of the process of sanctication. Relationships that are given to the Lord keep us humble and help us grow. If you personally feel that it would be more difficult for you to follow God while married, then perhaps God is calling you to be single. As I said above, I really only think that one should marry if he believes that he can serve God better with this object of his affection than without. It's about glorifying God, not us becoming good enough so that another imperfect human will want to marry us. Post Reply
xSoldOut4Himx View Profile History	Single for a reason... Posted : 19 Apr, 2010 08:21 PM I really don't think we disagree at all except on this one thing...(I believe there needs to be a level of maturity /a foundation for a marriage to be success). I believe people need to be somewhat consistent in putting God first and to know how to truly surrender their life as well as their issues to God. Character is who we are when no one is watching; the forming of good habits. Does this mean they are perfect... nope, but if Christians act like you say they do (we both know how Christians SHOULD act, but that's not the point) then... Why do Christian who get married go to pre-marital counseling? All Christians know they are suppose surrender all things to God and that He is to be at the center and be apart of every area of their life, but it's not just about "an intellectual knowing" but rather experiencing... Why do christian and non-christian marriages nearly have the same divorce rate (not sure how true this is)? Once again I agree with you that God needs to be the focus and God makes it work, kind of like... I can say, "Let there be light" and I'm still sitting in darkness, but when God says, "Let there be light" something amazing happens... Someone can know and quote scriptures and not truly believe, but when God speaks to you through His word something changes inside you- Pastor Chris I think it takes a level of maturity knowing "how" to deal with difficult circumstances with God and not by some other means.... I've been pretty open and I think we have mutual level of understanding, with different view points... Post Reply
View Profile History	Single for a reason... Posted : 19 Apr, 2010 10:38 PM I don't disagree that there needs to be maturity there. I guess what I'm saying is that if we wait until we're "perfect" we would never get married. And like I said, the focus needs to be on glorifying God. I don't agree with the thinking that you should constantly be nitpicking at yourself because you don't think you're good enough for someone to desire you and want to marry you. Some people make themselves sick over trying to be perfect enough... which, in some cases, is more of a legalistic thing than anything else. If someone is single it's not necessarily because they're unlovable or because they're completely horrible. We're all flawed and some of those who are married seem to be flawed than a lot of the singles out there. Like I said, we should focus on glorifying God and serving Him, and not worry so much about why we're single or turn ourselves all inside out trying to be the "right" person. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Single for a reason... Posted : 19 Apr, 2010 11:23 PM Soldout, I never said anything about having a false sense of humility. All I was talking about was avoiding going down the road of pop-self-help that is all about you, you, you, you. I'm not awesome because I found my inner awesomeness and let it out or whatever. I'm awesome because God created me, loves me, destined his Son to die for me before the foundation of the Earth, and chose to gift me with certain talents and skills. The same goes for every single other Christian. When I do well at something, I shouldn't exalt myself. I should be exalting Christ. As for God's will, if it's in his will for you to marry a certain girl, do you really think he wouldn't give you the courage to ask her out? Post Reply

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