Author	Thread: Lost art?
thatjennygirl View Profile History	Lost art? Posted : 1 Aug, 2009 09:53 PM Have men forgotten the art of pursuing a woman? Or is it just that us ladies have become so bold in our own pursuits over the years that men have become used to us taking the reigns? Or a combination of both? Would love to hear the men's perspective on this! Peace, Jenny Post Reply
View Profile History	Lost art? Posted : 1 Aug, 2009 11:45 PM Hi Jenny If a guy is mature in his faith and has a regenerated spirit, he will be selfless, kind and generous. And if he acts on those qualities with common grace and manners, he will be a class act. Then he will have the wisdom to value a Lady as from the Lord, and he will pursue her with a genuiness of spirit, and truth. So very natural, and with purity of motives. I know mature Christian men have been chastised enough to know what kind of Father a Christian woman has. And they will keep one eye on the Father as they act in faith towards those whom the Father brings their way (He is sovereign). They will be a pleasure to her. If a guy is not acting as such, he may be shy or has had negative experiences. So sometimes, if she is interested, she may have to prod him along. But if she senses something "off" in her gut feelings, she should be very upfront about it tactfully. She might discover that he was waiting for the ok to pursue her in a greater fashion. She should also inquire about his daily time with the Lord. If he is in the Word and prayer every day, he will be healthy in spirit, and able to pursue a Lady with righteousness. And it is always great to be doing the right things. If he is not practicing his faith daily- run fast and far. If you like him, pray, and he might get it together of his own accord (and not just going through the motions for you). A Lady should be pursued ! She is heavenly and of greater value than rubies... Post Reply
View Profile History	Lost art? Posted : 2 Aug, 2009 04:51 AM dear jenny, im an ole pursuer from way back.. hehe i believe the man should be.. although it is flatterin when a woman pursues sometimes. though i dont usually give em the chance..less they really quick hehe and ds welcome to the forums. ole cattle Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Lost art? Posted : 2 Aug, 2009 12:00 PM Well...if you're talking about "online" I think it's a little different...once again...only speaking for myself. But on here you can't see body language, can't hear voice inflection...and I don't know about other guys...but I need to know a girl is at least attracted already before I make a move....otherwise I feel pushy. I think that's why the Website Designers, in their infinite wisdom, put the "wink" option. :peace::peace: Post Reply
godlymom2 View Profile History	Lost art? Posted : 2 Aug, 2009 12:42 PM So, do Christian guys think a woman is "forward" if she makes first contact even if it is just a wink? I've been very tentative about sending "winks" because of that concern. I understand that it must be tough for men to make that first move (possible in fear of being "shot down"). It must be especially difficult on line as DontHittheMark said. If I find someone's profile interesting, he'll see that I've viewed it and possibly more than once, but I'm cautious about making the "first move". For me personally as a woman, I prefer to be the pursued not the pursuer. So I'm wondering, gentleman, what do you think are appropriate ways online or in person for a woman to let a man know that she finds him interesting without being forward? Post Reply
View Profile History	Lost art? Posted : 2 Aug, 2009 01:09 PM dear folks, hitman,, dont feel pushy for just sayin hi and showin interist.. youll miss out on a good women that way... its only pushy when she dont show an interist back.. or if she looses interist after youre talkin.. gm2 , me personally i dont respond to winks.. its a free site to write so no escuse to not just say hi.. you actually say hi to people on the street so why not here.. that aint too forward.. ole cattle Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Lost art? Posted : 2 Aug, 2009 01:34 PM Well, that's what I was trying to say. In real life I don't feel pushy because I can sorta tell when a girl is interested without her saying anything. On the internet it's just different...how can I tell if she's interested? And for me to stick my neck out...not knowing if the girl I sent an email to will even return it...is a little much. It's probably just me...but I have a hard time with it. If a girl isn't interested, I'm not going to pursue her, and MAKE her interested...that seems pushy doesn't it? But I'm also not going to "guess" and get my neck cut off. It hurts a little. In real life the way a girl talks to me, looks at me, moves around me...all tells me if she's interested. On the internet, it's anybody's guess...someone viewing my profile doesn't mean they are interested. I found that out the hard way. However, when they wink...I can take that hint. It's just nice to know a girl is interested in me before I move, just like it would in real life. :peace::peace: Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Lost art? Posted : 2 Aug, 2009 01:39 PM Here's a link to my forum post about the same stuff. http://www.christiandatingforfree.com/forum/forum_details.php?topic_id=2569&forum_sub_cat_id=10&start=0 Post Reply
thatjennygirl View Profile History	Lost art? Posted : 2 Aug, 2009 05:05 PM Your responses are all so great! I personally prefer to be pursued - I believe it is the man's responsibility to make the woman know of his interest in her prior to her becoming vulnerable in any way (including putting her interest out there first). Call me old fashioned... The response about not wanting to get hurt because you're not sure if she's interested back (it being internet and all), how will you know if you don't try? I know rejection cuts deep, but wouldn't it be worth the risk if you find the woman of your dreams? I think a lot of guys choose someone less than their ideal out of fear instead of choosing the woman God has for them simply because of their own insecurities. I've had a great conversation with a male friend of mine about this topic and he stated that due to manipulative women in the past and men having cuts and bruises from prior relationships, they are more timid about being the pursuer. My stance is that when men do that, they are passively putting us women in the position of having to "hold your hand" (emotionally speaking of course) through the courting phase. I believe this sets up the dynamic of passive husband/controlling wife. Also, it has become so culturally accepted, and expected, that the woman will show her interest if she is interested. Well, where does that leave the old fashioned women like me? On a side note guys, if you haven't seen the Love Comes Softly series, watch them. The men in those movies are Godly and strong, and when they find the woman they love, they take a chance and put themselves out there. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Lost art? Posted : 2 Aug, 2009 06:52 PM I have tried. A lot. In the Love Comes Softly series...did the godly, strong guys find the woman they love online? Those godly, strong men probably had a chance to observe their intended to see if they were really compatible before sticking their neck out. You take those good, godly men and put them in front of a computer, and that series might have ended differently. All I'm trying to say is...it's not...the same. But you're right, my insecurities don't play out well on the internet. In person, you can walk up to a girl, start talking(i.e. showing interest first), and in 2 minutes you can tell if she is interested also. If a guy walks up to you in person, do you go stone-faced and emotionless until you know he's interested? Probably not. And I bet you don't just completely ignore him until he walks away in shame either. That wouldn't be very nice. But that's what happens on the internet...a lot. Not cool. :peace::peace: Post Reply
thatjennygirl View Profile History	Lost art? Posted : 2 Aug, 2009 07:16 PM Actually, in the Love Comes Softly series, the women those men had a thing for showed no interest in the men and even rejected them at first, but they were still man enough to "stick their neck out" more than once for them. I'm guilty of not responding to emails and I never respond to winks (that's just lazy, c'mon guys if you're interested at least send an email!). On the flip side though, how much is sending an email "sticking their neck out"? Seriously, if a man is feeling rejected due to a lack of a response from just an email there are bigger issues that need to be resolved. Also, there has been a time where I didn't initial respond to an email, but then a man sent me another and said something that won me over. That's part of the art of pursuing, knowing how to win the girl over and knowing when she really isn't interested. If a fear of rejection (or any kind of fear for that matter) is clouding that ability, then the man has no business dating in the first place and should seek Jesus first to heal whatever his wounds or insecurities are. Most women are not on here looking to (nor do they have the ability to) "fix" or "heal" any broken man, at least I'm not. Post Reply

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