Most men I meet like to lay it on thick in the beginning and do all the things that make a woman say "awww". They send you sweet text messages, call you for no reason but to tell you hello and ask about your day, send you flowers and always want to be close. BUT THEN... there comes a time around the ummm 3rd or 4th month of dating where they just know they have you... everything stops.
Now see... when that happens to me, it leaves me wondering; did I do something wrong? When I ask that question I suddenly turn into an "insecure woman". Then the relationship starts to break down and I feel betrayed. Why?
I think if you do those things in the beginning you should be consistant and do them through out your relationship. If not, it tells me you are trying to be something your not.
Why can't men just be themselves, be consistant about who they are and let us like them for themselves? I know I for one don't need to be impressed to like a man.
I think you're right about being consistent. That's why you're going to have to find someone with the heart of God who will love you like God loves you cause his love will wear away. It will not be like it should be all the time. If you have a godly man who truly is after God's heart who loves you like Christ loves the church, his love will always be there. Because Christ doesn't stop loving the church.
Unfortunately, I think this would be a very impossible question to answer for two reasons that are evident to me(maybe more that is just invisible to me at the moment). Your asking for consistency in an ever changing world. Everything, including people, change. The only thing that stays true and consistent is God. Humans are always changing, moving either closer to or farther away from God. Now we should always hope and pray that this "change" is for the better. In your case, we would pray that the man that gives you affection would actually not stay consistent in that affection, but grow deeper in it.
Now to the other reason and the "why" that doesn't happen. Which is a very relative question to the person. If you dated 5 men that all did the same thing(love you deeply for 5 months then it dwindles away), their reasoning for stopping might not be the same. It could be Identity problems, Cross-Gender Relationship problems, Cross-Cultural Problems ...etc. The list can go on for miles
A typical reason might be insecurity in his own identity. He might be struggling with questions like: Who am I? How does God fit in my life? What does God want me to do? What do I like to do on my Saturdays? "Some" of these questions might sound unimportant, but all have a detrimental effect on a persons Identity. Throw a relationship into that mix and you add some of the following questions: How does he/she fit in God's picture for me? How would God want US to honor him in our Relationship?...etc
A couple suggestions from me I guess would be as follows:
1. Have your own Identity figured out. Figure out who you are and what God wants you to be, and start working towards that. You'll NEVER have this completely figured out, but the more you do the better you are for it. A friend of mine put it eloquently this way. 'If your at point "A" and God is at point "B" start running that direction. Once you get moving in that direction start looking around you and see who is running with you. These people will be the ones that could be potential dates.'
2. Check to see if your significant other has their Identity figured out. If this man/girl is your "running" mate. Them having their own identity figured out is gonna help you figure out if they will continue growing closer to God and closer to you in the process.
3. I haven't spoken of this yet, but it is just equally important. Figure out YOUR love language and your PARTNERS love language. You might express love through visible affection, and expect visible affection in return. This isn't wrong! Your date, however, might express love through some other means. Some people are OK just saying "I love you!" that all they need to say and that's all they need to hear. Others might show love through public displays of affections. There are many more... and none are bad. Just different. Understanding of this leads less heart ache. Some of the guys you met might have been following a pattern of expressing their love that isn't there own. Once they got comfortable in the relationship they MIGHT have started expressing the love they had in a different way. Both of you having a clear understanding would help see the picture a little more clearly.
I know this is alot... and this is only the tip of the iceberg really. I really don't know everything about it. This is some of the information that I have learned over the past 5 years that helps(doesn't cure) the problem. You have a great question that needs to be asked and followed up. And if you have any more to ask or follow up on the topic just ask again...
most folks men and women are gonna be on their best behavior for maybe the first six months of a relationship.. and if you see problems arise in that time you should leave them be.. cause if thats their best behavior is the first 6 months and it aint good . then know its gonna be worse after that time.. so youll wanna see who is good for 6 and then see what you can live with after that time hehe.. nobodies perfect and no one can continue that honeymoon phase of perfection.. so dont make your expectations so high that no one can live up to em..
There have been some good things said here. I just want to ad my thoughts.
No one is perfect and other things in life can take away from the focus of the relationship. Allowing for some of this is good but also realizing that sometimes people are falling back into who they really are is good as well.
I would just be up front and explain in a loving way. Hey those things are important to me.
I wonder if you know what your love language is? A simple search should bring up a test you can do online to find out. The 5 love languages is a great book to read with a couple preferably before you get married. It helps both of you to see what you need in the relationship to make it work day in and day out.
As long as my primary love language is being met then I am good to go. If you are trying to do the others but not my primary then there will be communication problems.
Wlt.. GOOD books. I have read I think 4 of his love language books.. they give a good insight both to our own ones and to that of those in our lives...
Also I would like ot add that this is not a male thing to get comfortablle and stop doing special things. we much ALWAYS work on making the ones we love KNOW we love and care for them.
I think it bears reminding that love is not something you feel, but something you do. My love for my husband should not depend on what my day was like, if I feel good, or if I have myself figured out. My love for him should be consistent because it should be God's love running through me. I think some would tend to make excuses for people not consistently showing you the love they should and why you're seeing what you're seeing, LisaMichelle. But I say to you, don't settle for less and don't settle for excuses. If they are not consistently loving you with God's love no matter what is going on around them, God has better for you. And don't you feel like it's your fault. You love them with God's love and expect someone to love you with God's love. Don't stop until you find them. :) God bless
