Author	Thread: Affirmation
1jon310 View Profile History	Affirmation Posted : 11 Feb, 2018 02:59 PM I went to a marriage conference the last couple of days and it was taught that the wife should always be affirming her husband. So men: how about sharing the different ways that you think that other men or you personally would like to be affirmed. Remember that if you can't ask for something then you should not be surprised if you don't get it. Ladies: what have you done or not done to affirm the man in your life? Post Reply
Hikerchic View Profile History	Affirmation Posted : 16 Feb, 2018 05:28 PM I agree with affirmation for men. Men who have received affirmation just function better , women as well but I think that women get a lot of affirmation from each other and usually the men in our lives know that is expected of them, I don't think it is the same for men, I think affirmation for men is fewer and farther in between and they are not going to ask for it. I am single so the affirmation of the men in my life is extended to my sons, brothers and friends. My sons I give a lot of encouragement for a job well done or a situation well handled or just to remind them how very special they are to me. My friends, I just try to be mindful of expressing my thankfulness for them and the ways they touch my life. I also like encourage their walk by highlighting their competence, compassion and intelligence when ever possible... but sometime I definitely could do a much better job. Thank you for post. Post Reply
1jon310 View Profile History	Affirmation Posted : 16 Feb, 2018 08:38 PM Thanks HC I think that most women at least start out doing a good job affirming the men/boys in their lives. Then we fail to live up to the expectations one too many times and it dries up. That is not a dig at women but rather a understanding that too often both sides get too comfortable or lazy and stop making a real effort. Also the men who need the affirmation to thrive could often do a better job of asking for affirmation. I read an article a while back that stated that for their first job many young men would do best to work for a woman supervisor because the woman were more likely to encourage (affirm) the young workers. Just the fact that you replied first tends to illustrate that men have difficulty asking for affirmation. My guess anyway. Post Reply
Obediencetotheword View Profile History	Affirmation Posted : 19 Feb, 2018 03:19 AM I think I agree with your observation 1jon310, that men are not good at asking for affirmation. But, do they have to ask? I think the question is, are women recognizing the efforts of their man? If they do, then how else can she appreciate but to affirm. That is probably where the fall-out is... As human beings, we always tend to be selfish. If we open our eyes & hearts more, we will see that there are endless things to affirm about our man or woman. And an affirmation is like a fuel that keeps a human being functioning to his/her fullest potential. Great topic 1jon310, I love going to the forum to read, learn & share & thank you for starting great topics. ☺ Post Reply
1jon310 View Profile History	Affirmation Posted : 20 Feb, 2018 07:57 PM Obedience You ended with an affirmation. Good example. I am a little perplexed that there have not been any men to comment on this topic. I really am looking for what other men would like to hear or have done for them so that they feel affirmed or respected. Or what women do to show this because I personally don't really care about receiving respect as along as the job gets done and I am one of those people who thinks that words are cheap if they are not backed by action. So while I think that it would be good for others to read and discuss I would also like some ideas because I am not very good at affirming men at work or even at church. You bring up some good points though. It takes two people and the Lord to make a relationship work. Yes one person should be offering to the other but also if the other is not receiving then they should be able to ask and have their request heard. Hopefully a positive response will be made then. Thank You Post Reply
View Profile History	Affirmation Posted : 22 Feb, 2018 10:54 PM A lot of men generally have been taught to not blow their own horns (including offering suggestions for others on how they can do it), the one's that do get shamed into silence. We get taught that woman must be praised all the time and men must be in the background, that in a fight the woman is always right, etc. So the lack of response or even puzzlement that this subject was raised is not exactly surprising really.... men typically just don't think along such lines publicly. They fall back unto simply being the best you can be and any praise or affirmation being a bonus, this has actually led to a general discomfort at being excessively praised as the men simply can't understand how to handle it. Thus most men prefer silent indirect forms of affirmation that show the woman expects them doing what they do but are grateful for them doing it. The problem there is woman typically have come to expect direct affirmation of everything they do leading to the invention of countless stupid womans-whatever type days that completely baffle men and leads to resentment. The result of all this is a general internalized effect of woman does something she's supposed to do anyway "what a courageous hero", man does something he's supposed to do "what you want? a cookie?". Yes I know I said it a bit confused but it's what I got today. Post Reply
Obediencetotheword View Profile History	Affirmation Posted : 23 Feb, 2018 05:42 PM Guys, do not overthink this. Lead by example. If you want affirmation, five affirmations. If your woman does not get it, then you may want to think twice about pursuing her. Sincere affirmations given to friends & special someone sbowballs into something beautifu. Very soon you will realize that you feel joyful & loved because you are surrounded by people who does so... and it all started with you. 😇 Post Reply
View Profile History	Affirmation Posted : 23 Feb, 2018 05:42 PM I think we all need to give affermation, but in ways that our relevant to our partner. My brother told me that his wife once asked him something to the effect of this: Would you rather hear me say "Honey, you are SOO handsome!" "I love how helpful you are." "You are a genius!" or "Babe, you never cease to make me laugh!" She wanted to know in which area he needed the most affermation. Which of those phrases did he need to hear the most? He didn't hesitate to say he likes it best when she's praising his intellegence. With that info, she now is able to be more aware of seeing when he's being clever in various ways and can recognize him for it. Do any of the male readers know what trait or talent you have that you most want to have your lady be impressed by? Post Reply
1jon310 View Profile History	Affirmation Posted : 26 Feb, 2018 05:06 PM Rambo: You are right in many ways. The problem is that, as men, if we continue in this vein of thought then we are playing the flip side of the record where women are stereo typed as telling us that "if you really loved me then I wouldn't have to tell you what I want." Ladies: Thank You for your input. I think that some people give affirmation and respect naturally and do not give it a second thought. Some of us don't and need some advice and maybe some of us have been doing a good job but that does not mean that we cannot step it up and do better still. Of course those who do should be teaching. Thank You all. Post Reply
bushfire^ View Profile History	Affirmation Posted : 7 Mar, 2018 11:46 AM What is affirmation? Are you referring to being thanked for completing a task or complimented on our character strengths, talents and skills? In being thanked for being kind to another when someone else might have become angry? If its on being thanked, we're to do that all the time according to Paul. We are to give thanks for bad situations and good ones, thus everyone should be thanking everyone else, which requires taking notice that someone did something and not brushing it off (dismiss it). Post Reply
1jon310 View Profile History	Affirmation Posted : 7 Mar, 2018 04:37 PM Bushfire: You are asking the real question here. What is affirmation? Personally I thing that what is considered affirmation to each person can be very different from the next person. I cannot really tell anyone by my personal preference as when it comes to verbal affirmations I don't care. The people in my life who may want to "affirm" me can get frustrated if they can't just accept me as I am. I did not grow up with such talk and my adult life has had little and what has been there has largely been empty words with no actions to support the words. In short I have become too cynical to receive affirmation even if it were slung in my direction. So this is why I ask the men and the women these questions about affirmation. I don't really know it when I see it and if I might catch a glimpse of it I don't trust it. Soooo, help a brother out here and tell me how ya'll like to be affirmed. Post Reply

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