I have conducted my own informal research by asking guys if they would approach an attractive woman they don't know and ask for her number. Every man responded by saying that he would be too nervous to do that because of fear of rejection. Does this mean men can only approach women from the safety of being behind a computer screen? If that is the case there is no wonder there are so many single, lonely people. Gentlemen what are your thoughts on this topic?
truthfully, the girls in real life seem to usually like me and want me to holla, in comparison to the girls on the internet that don't like me at all and usually strate up block me right off the jump. the only reason I'm on this so called "Christian" date site is to see if they even still make any true Christian girls that truly love serving the LORD and studying HIS WORD. as I know none. "be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" (2cor6:14-17). its easy to holla at lost girls. I wouldn't say I'm scared of rejection, nah maybe everybody is I guess. I take that back on both sides of the coin. when a female approaches me in real life and I pretty much just shrug her off as not interested she instantly hates and is completely against me. I don't know, I guess its complicated and complex for everyone in their own way. there is a lot that comes with me and unless the LORD puts it in motion, I aint even interested. "a prudent wife is from the LORD."
I know that doesn't even really address on what you asked my dearest excellent and most inquisitive sister, but I am very sure, that better and way more prudent men of a higher degree and caliber will fill you in on the question in which you ask.
but don't get it twisted... I'm ugly, disgusting, worthless and weak. its only by the grace and mercy of GOD that anyone even would like me at all, and that the TRUTH. amen. CHRIST JESUS be praised forever. amen.
To approach woman in general you have to have enough disposable cash to waste on a maybe if it ever gets to a date. She gets all the attention she can handle and he pays.... this he don't have a money tree. Unless the guy can do this he is most of the time rejected outright, although the excuse is always something other than money even though its always connected to money somehow.
The more attractive a woman is the more "successful" (i.e. money generating) a man she imagines she can catch, and the attractive woman that dont think themselves attractive are emotional messes but thats another story. Complicating all this is the feminist habit of buttering the bread on both sides, the man MUST pay for the first date and most of the others but the woman MUST get equal pay.... how the man is supposed to pay for everything in this situation I have yet to figure out. Now this is rationalized by "he's not throwing money at me he's showing me he cares".... nvm that he shows how much he cares by spending money and the fact that "dates" are actually symbolic ways the male shows he can easily provide the female with food.
Now with that crazy mess above being the practical result of "dating traditionally" the man is left with only approaching the woman he can be sure will not only say yes but will stay after she realizes he is in no position whatsoever to sweep her off her feet.... he looks for signs that she will probably think herself too good for him or strain his already stretched resources to breaking point. Only the less moral men ask for a hundred numbers for 20 chances of a short term thing while claiming to want a long term situation. It's not woman that play the game where they randomly make up the rules, its the game that has possessed the woman and the only men successful at it are the ones that cheat.... where have all the good guys gone? They've hunkered down out of sight or simply turned gay. It's the kind of sin where even "christian" woman have rebelled against God and nature thinking they can shape reality to their whims and delusional enough to think there are no punishments coming.
It's eve's sin all over again with adam again being too weak to properly handle his one built-in weakness.... Yes I know I seem to have gone off in a wild tangent but this is the actual reality, men being increasingly terrified of approaching woman is directly linked to them being bullied in being as un-masculine as possible, approaching a possible mate is one of the most masculine things a man can do and as we all know masculinity is "evil". You take away everything from men except brain-dead childhood-regressing ball sports and you still expect a man to act like a knight on a white horse? Then when one actually DOES act like a romantic hero of old he gets called "obsessed" and gets arrested for being a mentally ill stalker....
I want to add something in this forum although technically the question wasn't asked to women, but to men.
Rambo, I think you are looking for the wrong kind of woman.
You want a woman who is not after money, but you seem to ask out women who are after your money. It seems you don't aim at the right type of person when you ask someone out. The kind of person that attracts you is materialistic.
So I suggest that you need to first of all ask yourself what is truly 'attractive' in a woman, learn to first discern what type of person the woman is, and what her values are, before even asking her out on a date.
Personally I and many other ladies I know are not interested in fancy dates, but actually feel much more comfortable to get to know someone well over a simple coffee. Could it be that what you find attractive in a woman is actually not her, but rather expensive clothes or jewelry or other fancy touch-ups, the exterior, which women who love money tend to love more than average women? Maybe try to think again about what you really find attractive in the woman, and try to look deeper, find the real beauty of a woman, rather than looking at her attire, and I think you will find that many women do not fit the stereotype that you have created in your mind. I think this will free your from your problem, and you will be able to find an attractive woman who is not after your money, but who loves the Lord.
I wrote this comment in the hopes that other guys reading this will not be discouraged by the idea that somehow to ask a girl out they need to be millionaires. Not at all. You need to love God and to walk before Him.
from a male perspective, Rambo has a point, the dynamics of male female relationships has changed over the course of the last century, men are under attack where women are concerned, first it was the wolf whistle now it's micro aggressions and unwanted advances, quick roll out a special counsel he blew a kiss ! with all that plus the obvious will she won't she like me narrative going on you can see that the dating game has changed, biblically speaking us blokes have to build houses... it's in our DNA and mandated of God, build a house for your bride... but I do understand your point and don't disagree with the idea that beauty and finance are not really the main motivators...the heart of the person is, compatibility is perhaps the most difficult of jigsaws, well time to get the hammer out and bludgeon it into place, if the piece don't fit just hammer it.....oops there goes another jigsaw....
in some respects we have more freedom behind a keyboard until we have to interact in the real world, for some people that is not so difficult but for others it is very difficult, different personalities work better when it comes to online interactions, just as some people are the life and soul of the party there are others for whom social interaction is fraught with danger and difficulty, it's easy to say "well if I can so can you", I often stop myself when I come close to that as I know what my strengths are and I understand that not everyone is at the same level as me in what I know, vice versa, so I take a pragmatic approach ie everyone is as messed up as me in their own individual way it's finding out the answer to that that provides us with the answer to the ultimate question.... is she or isn't she...or is he or isn't he.... if you want to add any other genders to that I suggest some creative vivisection might help...although a tad painful...
ps although it was a question asked of the men I am glad that you answered, discourse may not always solve a problem but one thing is guaranteed, understanding rears it's lonely head.... the more we talk the less lonely it gets...
The kind of girl you want to be with? How would you advise her to navigate these troubled dating waters?
Reading so many Christian men's comments that say they are ready to quit and are seemingly disgusted with women as a whole has had me in tears more than once. Both for you and for me.
I'm so longing to find a man to love and pour into, who has a true love for God & family. I'm the gal that would prefer to go Dutch on the first few dates but won't refuse a man's generosity if he prefers to pay. I have a policy of accepting all reasonable first dates because I know it's not easy to ask. I am fairly agreeable and patient and try to give others the benefit of the doubt. I'm also fun and sassy and intelligent. I think I have much to offer a man but it seems that most of the men that pay me any attention are worldly men. Some of them can be down right appealing when there's not a believer in sight.
So, what's a girl to do? If you could send a letter to the woman of your dreams to tell her what to do so you could find her to approach her, what would it say?
