I find it can be challenging for a girl to read what behind a guy's mind in general and for a guy to read what behind a girl's mind.
So rather than telling a super long story which inspires this question, in brief, I just want to ask people' opinion about the signals a guy shows when they are interested to build a serious relationship with a girl, and vice versa. :)
I really appreciate if all stories and experiences. Who really knows your story may help someone who is in confusion. ;)
I'd venture to say you already know what the signals are. The problem is you want to know for a fact that they are 100% signals of interest rather than possibly being mistaking them for something else, which is impossible, short of being more direct and asking or being told. Flirting and body language and the like are ambiguous in nature (textbook definition). There's just no way to know for sure without taking more direct action.
At first I kinda missed your question, but reading it again now takes me to what i've exactly asked DHTM & LTM on a column/forum of 'Dating advices in relationships'
My question to them is: (sorry dear I seem to be deviating a little from your post)
"What is a decent/civil way of a lady finding out what are the guys interntions by having her in he's life?
Was mainly thinking of waisted efforts & time in relationships, which is more of a two way traffic:
1, A lady not finding out if its really worth her while in that relationship, just availing her self in ignorance.
2, More interested in the guys idea of being politely asked without feeling like he's being pressured to any sort of commitment.
In short I think our questions are almost the same, though mine is more based on an existing relationship with no progress (which is a question i've also possed to ladies too)
While yours in more of trying to read body language/other genders mind if one should even initiate the relationship.
You sound about right, I kind of know what the signs are, the thing is so hard to tell it is 100% accurate unless the guy is direct and bold to tell what he actually feels toward the woman.
"Flirting and body language and the like are ambiguous in nature (textbook definition)" - agreed!
"There's just no way to know for sure without taking more direct action." - whose action? the man or woman would you guys suggest to take the first direct action? because loads of women think (as the bible recommends too) that it is man should take the first move :D
Q: How can a woman be assured if a guy is interested to build a relationship with her? (because like Renov8Elev8 said, signals a guy shows to a woman can be ambiguous)
Yes, sister. Men are like women too; some are extrovert and some of them are introvert and not so open about their feelings, some maybe afraid of rejection (afraid of getting hurt) so they hide their feelings forever and some are afraid of commitment.
So, back to our case, eventually after spending a certain number of years being in contact with a particular man, a woman will want to know what the guy's feeling, his seriousness in a relationship (like, which direction the relationship is led to). Everyone wants to get a clarity, right?
At the other side, it is hard to be direct as a woman sometime, because normally it is man takes the first move. Even if we took the first move, we might feel bad as we didn't want to hurt his feeling, etc. Situation might be getting worse if casual-friendship-signals are interpreted as romance-related-signals.
In the end, both men and women can be complicated to learn. :/
Communication! It is fair for both men and women to discuss the future of a relationship. If you've been dating someone for many months, and, especially several years, you should have an idea of where it is headed.
There are reasons to wait...like finishing school, but there are excuses for waiting like I want to save money to buy a house. That can be a valid reason; however, my sister's boyfriend kept telling her that, so I asked what he was doing to save money...NOTHING.
If you can't have an open and honest discussion while you are dating, it will not change if you get married.
Even if you've already had this conversation of clarity as to where is the relationship going from now moving forth. Talking about this doesn't necessarily mean that we should get married right away (depending on what he said he's interntions are.) You'll still have plenty of reasons to wait.
And again dear one
This is dependent on the lady's interntions & plans too, not only the guy. Having this conversation in a relationship answers a lot of un-asked questions, it also gives purpose in that relationship, hense I don't think a girl should wait for the guy to initiate this conversation, its her responsibility too, to find out if this compliments her future plans.
The challenge for the girl is her way of bringing this subject forth. The last thing we ladies want is coming across forcefully towards the guy, when the interntion is just trying to have a conversation not necessarily putting pressure on the other part.
This conversation Teach helped me & my ex boyfriend whom we've broked up around 2003. After having this conversation both parties were cleared up about the relationship's future (which there was none, since he was into family as young as he was back then while I didn't see myself being a wife or raising kids as the ideal future)
We had to break up on the spot when least expected (there was no reason to keep him since the interntions were quite opposit) suppose that's why we kept up with our friendship before & after breaking up. Cause as much as we loved each other, we were just better off as friends.
Then again we ladies should look out for those guys who just don't wanna be responsible, how are you saving for the house when not doing anything inline with your plan? Isn't your sister drained in that relationship Teach?
When Renov says "...The problem is you want to know for a fact that they (signals) are 100% signals of interest rather than possibly mistaking them for something else..." I understand where he's coming from. I personally think you should (if you don't mind dear) share the story behind your question, i'm interested so I can maybe be relevent in answering you. (if at all I can be able to answer you) cause your question took me to a current personal experience that is a little different from your question & the expected answer, but can maybe be helpful a little.
You won't believe dear lady that I experience this in the very house of worship. Having experienced this have impacted possitively to my self esteem & confident. (don't mean to sound self sufficient at all dear, we're just helping one onother)
In my current church where I fellowship (this is inline with body language, still relevent hey..?) One thing that keeps me going there is an honest truth, which is my spiritual hunger. Every Sunday just before the paster shares the word, he often says "if you're not ready for the truth, you're in a wrong church. You're welcome to take back your tithing & go find your self onther church. I'd rather be left with few individuals willing to live God's righteous life than having multitudes playing games..." which I first thought was a little harsh, but with time I understood where he was coming, no longer bothered when he says that.
As I continued going there seeing my life being shaped by he's sermons, I continuously sensed a very negetive vibe amongst the members, especially the worship team that ministers soooooooooooooo wonderfly through music. I felt they don't really like me, and rebuked myself over & over when having personal conversations with my innermost being while in their mist. Then I thought i've been through the worst kind of rejection, it doesn't really matter if they too don't like me. If the sermons are the only reason I come here, then its worth the effort.
This one time when least expected, one of their worship team member (a lady about 32 or 33year old) as I was walking out from the auditorium to my way home, she stoped me & asked what was it about me (back in those few weeks I was a little depressed, wasn't really dressing up for church services, would sometimes wear jeans & look decent but not really dressed up at all if you get what I mean)
I didn't really understand her attitude & where the question was coming from. She carried on (in a polite way though)
"You think you gonna come here & take our boyfriends?" yes I was getting a little attention from guys, which I never entertained, didn't even know who's who for which boyfriend or girlfriend. That was a least of my interests.
The conversation carried on & on as I too asked her questions. (to cut the story short)
Peolpe disliked me cause all they could see I me was someone who was gonna take their boyfriends. I asked her if she had a boyfriend too within the church? "yes" she said. I asked her again "so aren't you scared that I'll take him from you since you had a nerve of accusing me of something I haven't even done yet? Don't you think i'll want to settle the score for once & for all?" (my tone was very calm, was just discusted) "nor nor me nor, was not accusing, was just saying, oh don't misunderstand me nor....." I turned & peacefully walked away.
The next Sunday after that till this day, I ensured that I look really hot when going to church, unless i'm just not in a mood for looks, i'll then put on my jeans.....
Body language is really complicated at times,
People misunderstand you for their own assumption, with something you're not even thinking off. At times they envy you for whatever reason, then they'd rather be cold & rude to you.I always prefare clarity (which is what she brought forth by confronting me) now I know that I fellowship with those who don't like me. Only grown ups & few guys do, not ladies at my age.
By me currently dressing up, has nothing to do with them. Was only reminded by her that when you look good you feel great & walk tall.
