Have a question for you guys, just don't know how to ask...
Please take no offense, I believe that a chatt room is a place of interacting & getting other peoples' views on certain questions.
"What does she do for living?"
I often hear this question asked by guys when being told about a lady that can be a possible match (if a guy's being hooked up with a lady by he's friend)
This question has got me wondering why of all basic questions a guy can ask about a lady, he'd ask this one...? Sounds more like someone whose checking if he'll be secured.
To top it all... I'm often warned by elderly ladies (grown mothers) in the church when checking if i'm in the relationship yet, they warn me not to go for a paster. Saying i'll be embracing povaty.
First time when I heard this, didn't know how to take it, got me disturbed a little, but few months later I noted most fellows in Christ ask that common question when talking about girls. Their interest in them is more on what hey have & what they do for living.
I'm not accusing you guys of this question, since I don't even know questions & requiremens that you're looking in the woman. I'm only hoping that maybe someone can help me understand why especially this question is asked as a top question in the list. Its more like if she does well (being successful in terms of material) everything else matters not.
This takes me back to the warnings of keeping away from pasters & fellows who are called (who come across unwilling to earn living but rather being worked for by the ladies)
Hope my question makes sense to you guys, didn't know how else to ask you
This is a good question sisygirl.I would also like to hear what the guys will say,but i will also say something.
I always imagine the guys ask not because they are after her money or whatever she has but coz they want to know what kind of a woman she is,whether she is responsible or not.I don't think any man will want a woman who just sits in the house.He may not want what she has but wants a woman he can relate with on all matters and considering that financial matters are usually very sensitive in relationships its only good to know.
I'm sorry this question is for guys but just decided to put something in.I will wait to hear what the guys say.
I really hear what you're saying dear, though i'm keeping in mind the constant warning from elderly ladies in the church, ladies who are married to leaders & pastors "Keep away from pasters & guys with calling, you either gonna safer or you gonna work for him, while he persues he's calling"
That warning coming from people who speaks from experience, its a loaded statement. I even hear what they're not saying, (I sense that they almost warn me from considering fellow Christian brothers, they just won't say it laud)
I'm sure there are some guys out there who either consciously or unconsciously want a woman to enable him to be irresponsible and not think too seriously about being a provider. More often than not though, I think most of us just want to get an idea of what she is like based on what she does when we ask that question. Some examples of this would be: She's a make-up artist? Oh, she must be good at looking beautiful and have a lot of knowledge on being fashionable and stylish. She's a cake decorator? She must be good at cooking all kinds of cool things. She works at a non-profit? She must be very good at serving others, which is extremely admirable. I think it's pretty harmless and innocent. We just want to get some insight as to what you're like and see what you do for a living as a good indicator of that. In addition to the job specific skills obtained from that particular profession, it also shows us if you can be responsible, consistently work hard, and contribute too. In short, we care far more about what you're like as a person and will be like in a relationship than what your income is and if it can support us.
I think a great way to tell whether or not a man will be a good partner for you or a liability is to observe his work ethic and also how responsible he is with the money he makes. Does he live within his means, build savings, etc.? Or does he spend it as fast as he makes it? If the answer to either of those questions (Does he have a good work ethic? And Is he responsible with his money?) is "no", then do not commit to a relationship until they're both "yes".
At least in that one aspect of providing financially that is. A guy should also provide for you emotionally too, and he can't really do that if he's a workaholic and a miser either.
Please allow me to share this with you (don't get me wrong please cause I mean well)
I'm not really sure if this is a global issue or it only happens in my country/province.
We christian ladies are often having these conversations in our meeting (when having single ladies forum with members from other churches)
We're saying "there seems to be an energy of being laid back in brothers from the church" the question is:
What happens to ones dreams when getting saved? Yes all former things pass away & behold, a new person comes forth. Though you had your wonderful dreams before you were saved, don't think those dreams were sinful & had to die with your former being...
Few weeks after that forum I was amazed by my paster during church service. He asked a questing to guys, he said "How many guys who think that or know forsure that they are called by God to persue a certain ministry?" they all stood up on their feet. He carried on "When working on submitting to God's calling, first reflact God in your lives, through positive fruits & success. Let us see your God in you, impacting your life in a positive way (not necessarily being rich) but let there be a change that reflacts God" He wasn't specific what he meant by progress/change, that was for them to decide...
Was a little amazed cause that was almost our concern when talking in the ladies forum few weeks ago.
One may even argue this challenge that he posed to the guys but again, Jesus is a Lord of fruits & progress "by your fruits they shall know you"
I recall that some of the ladies in the forum were considering being in relationships' with unsaved brother (I sensed a feeling of desperation from them) then again, why must I even consider commiting to an usaved, in order to live a balanced life...? (the physical balance ofcause when meeting needs that require money) When there are guys who speak the same language I speak when talking of life in abandance in Christ Jesus.
I asked if that was a right way to go about it? Was told "at least kids will be provided for by both parents,
The husband might be won over to God in due time"
I thought to my self:
When are we gonna start living that life in ubandance when there's lack in the body of Christ? It starts small in individuals, (not being ambitious & eager to achieve) it flows to families, eventually its gonna affect the church at large, cause we are individuals who are members of the church.
I appreciate your effort in writing back to me. Believe me I know that these are quite sensitive topics, not everyone might enjoy my compony right now. Though I feel these are issues of life that we're faced with as young weman considering to have families someday if its in God's will for us to....
It took so much for me to finally ask these questions on either genders. Again I think we're grown ups here & chatt room is meant for such talks.
Thank you sir, learned something on your above written answers.
I'd be a little put off is she didn't work for a living - wouldn't have to be an amazing job but it shows a willingness to get on with stuff and do it, and dare I say it, an appreciation for money. You know the saying, "easy come, easy go" so if you're not earning it yourself, you probably can't appreciate it's value.
I think you're now diviating from the asked question. In this regard i'm not talking about ladies who wanna be worked for, rather ladies who are doing well, but wondering about fellow christian brothers who aren't willing to work, since they have a calling in Christ (which is great, having a calling)
Such fellows are more concerned about benefits in relationships' (being worked for by ladies) hense my main question is "What does she do for living?"
This is always a first question asked about a lady. That's why I share about our recent topic in the ladies forum, when reading that long massage i've written earlier on this very Colomn. I've even said "some of these fellow ladies in Christ are considering marrying unsaved brothers outside the church, for the sake of living a balanced life more on the financial part. At least there'll be less burdens on the lady, since both parties will be working towards the same goal, meeting their family's needs"
With hope ofcause of winning the brother over to Christ eventually.
Ladies don't wanna be worked for in this regard, but concerned about brothers who only want to persue their calling, reflecting unwillingness to earn living, but asking what a lady does for living whenever talking about girls & commitments. This happens in the body of Christ.
We men find great self worth in our Jobs and vocation. I too have become depressed over not having work. It devalues us men to be jobless.
Remember we come to Christ because we are in some way deficient. I believe many of us have deep emotional issues and only a small handful have the courage to be honest and bring them to God to be healed.
I think men who have difficulty finding work and keeping work give up in some way on work and find their worth in being workers for God.
I think it is easier to think of ones self as vaulable when we are the wisdom proclaimers and ministers. I used to be like this and it created great pride in me.
I think in a lot of ways we men start out dificient and wanting to be valued so we use faith as our method to find self worth.
That is why so meny men start minsitry and never finish. I know one such person close to me like this who worked hard to become a pastor and lost his congregation.
Rather than being a woman who devalues men even farther for not working ( not saying you do ) be a woman who comes along side men and build men up. Be a chearleader to men, learn to show great respect to men.
You ladies do not realise that if you extend unconditional respect to men like you desire for us men to extend unconditional love to you gals will change the world.
Many ladies have this idea that I will begin to respect my man when he begins to love me. Respect is earned but respect can be a gift as well, right?
Respect men for their desire to serve the community through service. Respect a man and see a man become strong and confident. Respect a man and see a man become what God intends for him.
Remember God is the potter and we are the clay. God has a plan for each and every man and woman. God is the builder and the foundation and we are the temple.
