Author	Thread: What if she's invisible to you?
bcpianogal View Profile History	What if she's invisible to you? Posted : 21 Nov, 2012 06:43 PM Hey guys, I need your input on something. Not looking for any right or wrong answers here, just some opinions and suggestions! After 4 years of working at my job and being the one and only single employee (it's a small place), a single Christian guy who is almost exactly my age has finally been hired. He definitely isn't married, but I haven't been able to find out if he's dating someone or even engaged. In fact, I haven't been able to get to know him personally because we work in different department and rarely cross paths, but I've had the opportunity to observe him interact with others for the past few months. I like what I see. He appears to have many of the qualities that I hope to find in a man; he seems to be spiritually mature, friendly, intelligent, kind, stable, and well-liked and respected. It doesn't hurt that he's pretty good-looking, too. He's the type of guy that I'd at least like to get to know better. Oh, and dating coworkers is definitely not against the rules...so if a friendship turned into "more," it wouldn't be an issue. This situation presents two problems. First, I don't know for sure if he's actually "available" or if he's already in a relationship. My second problem is that if he IS really single, he has no way of knowing that I'm single. For relationship purposes, I'm invisible to him. (This isn't helped by the fact that he's having to get to know ALL of the employees at the company. I already knew everyone, so it wasn't hard to notice that the new guy was obviously not married.) So here's my question: How can I make myself more visible to him? I don't believe in pursuing a guy, and I don't want it to be obnoxiously obvious that I'm trying to get to know HIM specifically. I just want to put myself out there a little, put myself in his path, get to know him a bit, and if there is any attraction on his part, give him the opportunity to do something about it. I feel like it would be foolish to just sit around and let myself stay invisible when it's such a rare thing for a single Christian guy to appear in my life. Any suggestions on how I can do this? If you were in his position, what would you want me to do? (Just FYI, I've already tried to find opportunities to talk to him, but that hasn't worked out at all. The once or twice that I thought I might be able to chat with him, he was deep in conversation with several of the other male employees...it didn't feel right to interrupt them to talk to him. I'm still looking for the chance, though! Also, I'm well aware of the fact that he may HAVE noticed me, and that he's simply not interested at all and is trying to avoid me...but it somehow doesn't feel quite like that is the case.) Post Reply
View Profile History	What if she's invisible to you? Posted : 22 Nov, 2012 07:12 AM never date co-workers Post Reply
CuriousGeorge View Profile History	What if she's invisible to you? Posted : 22 Nov, 2012 08:43 AM you'll just have to find the opportunity to talk/flirt with him and if he's interested he should pick up. "I don't believe in pursuing a guy, and I don't want it to be obnoxiously obvious that I'm trying to get to know HIM specifically." why not? Post Reply
View Profile History	What if she's invisible to you? Posted : 22 Nov, 2012 10:33 AM I'm afraid that unless you're willing to make the first move, you'll just have to wait until he does - that's if he does! Still, there's always the office Christmas party... I'd also echo to be careful of dating co-workers: you spend a large portion of your life at work and if things didn't work out it could be awkward for one or both of you (especially as some others can't help but stir things up)- this really isn't something to rush into by trying to make him notice you. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	What if she's invisible to you? Posted : 22 Nov, 2012 08:10 PM Peacenic and dkj, I totally hear you on the coworker issue. It's not something I take lightly, which is one reason I want to be careful in how I go about getting to know him. It's not wrong to form friendships with coworkers, but since we are both single, I don't want to make things awkward. If he isn't interested, that's that and it's no big deal. For all I know, I might get to know him and find out that I'M not interested! Also, we work for the same company, but we don't work together. He's in a completely different department. There is almost no interaction between my department and his department; that's why I've had such a hard time getting to know him! I guess I'll just have to hold out hope that he'll be at the Christmas party, and that I can manage to get in at least a short conversation with him. Post Reply
View Profile History	What if she's invisible to you? Posted : 27 Nov, 2012 11:14 AM If a lady is interested in me I like to know. I would like to be "welcomed to the team" so to speak. I think there is a difference in learning about someone by asking questions and actually pursuing him. If you were to come up to me and simply say something like, " Hey I noticed you are new here. Welcome." And then interduce yourself and tell me what you do at the company and so forth. You will know by his responce weather to continue to get to know him. Kind of be a welcoming commitee. At any rate I definitely would want to know if you are interested in getting to know me. Just focus on being his friend. Be friendly. Post Reply
Philipian View Profile History	What if she's invisible to you? Posted : 1 Dec, 2012 09:30 AM If going by the opinions submit of DKJ255 and Peacenic is something, then i think they are right!. But you made us realize office is not hindrance, so that seem to be freeing to know. But how about this, you keep studying more of this christian guy. At least so far he had been ranking before you! But before you create those "opportunities" for him, find out also if he is single, so your idea is legitimate. And if and when single, i think you should make it simple. Just be friend with him from the first. Its safer. But not some friends who hide or deny their intents! Then again, you dont have to write your intention all over the walls for him. Be courteous and simply polite, leave the other side for him to read! Do not let it look like its a chase mission you are on. You have to protect your own dignity! Guess that's the position Chappybruck held. Remain at ease on this even while going about what you want. Who knows, you may even had caught his attention in same vein! Above all, double your prayer effort on this. Let God tie up your loose ends. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	What if she's invisible to you? Posted : 3 Dec, 2012 08:04 AM Thanks guys! I definitely think that being friendly and welcoming to the "new guy" is the way I want to go. I'll just have to keep looking for little opportunities to do so. A few days ago, he and I were heading in the same direction, so we chatted for just a second before splitting to go off to our different meetings; he seemed genuinely friendly, so maybe the ice has been broken and future conversations will seem more natural. Post Reply
View Profile History	What if she's invisible to you? Posted : 3 Dec, 2012 03:53 PM Here's hoping for ya, girl! :prayingm: Post Reply
Philipian View Profile History	What if she's invisible to you? Posted : 5 Dec, 2012 01:57 AM DKJ255, I join you in hope for bcpianogal! Surely the opportunity is getting created...just be friendly as you intended.Something will click....trust you can never be misguided by God! Post Reply
View Profile History	What if she's invisible to you? Posted : 7 Dec, 2012 12:32 AM Bcpianogal: I love you (not in that way) and I hope for the best. Since I am a very crafty and a very deceptive person, perhaps I could use this past habit for trying to help you. What you need is a recon unit. Find a trusted friend who is able to spy for you to poke around for relevant info. But, if this is a woman friend make sure she is not single and that this guy know she's not single. To getting info from this guy, subtlety is the key. For example, do not get this friend to say something like: "do you have a girlfriend? Bcpianogal over there is single too!" That is a dead giveaway. Make them say something like: "oh man, my boyfriend/girlfriend .... you can relate right?" If he ticks all the right boxes according to the accurate info of your spy then get this person to instigate and encourage him to pursue you, but have this person implicate you in the most subtle manner. If this method sounds horrible and deceptive to you, then don't follow it, I am a vicious and depraved and crude being and I cannot help it. Post Reply

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