Sorry I am not a guy,but you may not want to tell them upfront until you guys are serious about each other. This way,no one will feel sorry for you but will love you more.
I agree that you may want to wait a little bit to tell them. As a guy, it would make me tread lightly around you and not necessarily be myself. I also have some skeletons in my closet that the woman I will be with needs to know, but it's not always best to be upfront.. you don't want to scare off the person who may be the one.
In response to your question, I'm not sure what to say. As for the response given by "marianna34", I don't exactly agree with not telling the guy upfront about it. If you wait to tell a guy until he's serious about you, it might result in disaster. My previous relationship crashed partly on account of the young lady hiding something from me until far into the relationship. It pretty much broke the trust bond that had been established, and then I started questioning the entire situation. You see, she kinda "hinted" at something one day when I brought up the subject of "kissing on the lips", but the exact meaning of her statement was unclear. When I asked her what she meant, she told me that it was "way too personal" for her to explain. This caused a major problem because it prevented the relationship from being able to move forward (because she didn't want to kiss me as a result of whatever it was that she had "hinted" at which she considered to be "way too personal"). By the way, we had seen each other on an "every other day basis" for nearly a year before this happened, so just imagine what it did to my ability to trust her. (Think about that for a minute.) Anyway, from the little bit of information that she actually had mentioned, it made me start thinking along the lines of STD's and so forth. Perhaps that wasn't the problem at all, but it shook me up pretty bad because she didn't explain what she meant. It was at this point that I slowly started to panic because we had been seeing each other for nearly a year before this happened, yet she didn't appear to trust me enough to explain. Not long afterwards, she basically ended the relationship over the issue of kissing on the lips. (By the way, she had promised to kiss me on the lips on my birthday, but she broke up with me the day before. What a way to ruin someone's birthday!) Even to this day, I still don't know what the problem was because she never explained, and I'm so glad that I never kissed her on the lips or had any sexual contact with her.
But anyway, I wouldn't recommend waiting any longer than about a month into a relationship before making serious matters known to the other person, otherwise it might break the trust bond. This also applies if you have non-standard and/or rather strict beliefs when it comes to a relationship or marriage. I'm just letting you know this from experience. Anyway, I hope this information helps.
I find that every Woman has her own story of coming out of a negative relationship.
The true oddity is to find any Woman who does not have a story of how her past relationship was so rotten for her.
And I do NOT mean this as being disrespectful, because I always try hard to be considerate of the Lady and her tales of woe.
My honest opinion to ReBa and her question - is that the guys might be trying to feel sorry for you which is why you see them that way.
A rather sad example is that virtually every Woman tells that her ex is a "narcissist" and it comes off to me as if all the Ladies talk to each other and that word "narcissist" is some thing they all agree on as a fitting name to use against Men.
I see it like a job application, in that if we complain about our last job and last employer then that does not sit well in an interview.
So too when a Woman complains about her past relationship then it does not sit well with the Men.
We Men (or at least most Men) have learned that we must never cut down our ex because it does not sit well with anyone we tell it to.
Complain about past Men only to other Women as they will sympathize, but complain about another Man to your new BF is not a healthy way to proceed.
In my own perspective and my experience and just my own opinion here.
@ ShouldIgiveup,What I meant to say is that she does not need to tell a guy on the 1st few dates,and I suppose it depends on how long it takes with each to become serious.
Now about your situation,the lady in question was maybe not honest,she was asked about something you thought was important,and she refused to talk about it.
If a guy wants to know about me,he'll ask me questions,and I will answer them,because I assume that if he asks,he is ready to hear the answers,and likewise I will ask questions too and I'll be ready to hear the answers....regardless of what they may be!
I would not sure person things like that until I knew we had some type of serious relationship going on. Many people off these sites just date and never get serious . What use is it sharing your past life with someone you maybe spend 2 or 3 dates with if that.
I would think that anyone that just gotten out of relationship means taking time to deal with it. Little lone an abusive one. And I personally am sad that relationship didn't workout and that it was abusive.
I do not view her any different. If she has not been healed from it and it is engulfing her thoughts then I know that person is not ready for a relationship yet and needs time for God and healing
It is deeper than just telling or not telling. A woman who finds her self in abusive relationships has a internal need that prevents her from picking the right man.
From a mans perspective you are easy prey for manipulitive and abusive men.
Every woman has the internal need to be loved. Some men and women have a need so strong that it blinds them from seeing clearly.
That deep need would cause you to choose someone anyone in hope that they will be the one to love you. I know because I used to be one like this as well.
Insecurities in the worth and value you place on your self cause you to lack confidence and strength.
But God does not see you this way. God sees you as a glorious vessle and worth giving His only Son to die for you.
Why would God do this for you? Because God wants to spend eternity with you loving you.
Many think God wants us a servents or even to give praise to Him. But Gods motive is out of love.
We worship Him because of His love, we serve him because of His love. It is how we can relate to God and respond to Gods Love for us.
I would encourage you to abandon for now trying to find someone and focus your attention on knowing Gods love for you in a deeper way.
As you do this you will become a strong confident secure woman. Then you will attract good men who are strong confident lovers and givers like God.
