i am a very strong and independent woman... it seems to scare the living daylights out of men... what is your opinion... can a woman be too independent?? just curious to hear a guys perspective of this????????! :) :) :winksmile:
Independence is a completely worldly concept, and has no place in Christianity. The two shall become one flesh, no place for independence. Christianity teaches unity. Of one accord.
The word independent was always a red flag to me in a woman's profile. It almost always means she has unresolved issues with men, and will never let herself fully commit to a man. I want a wife who will believe in, and trust me. I want her to rely on me, not try to do everything herself.
We men are called to lead our families, but it is hard to lead someone who refuses to follow. Some men are okay with that. They usually don't want the responsibility of leadership. A Christian man is willing and able to lead in a Godly manner, but will not try to force you to follow.
I too used to be a very independent woman, if fact I was so self sufficient that the men that I had dated felt that I did not need them at all. I am also very assertive and when I was first saved in 05, had trouble with any teachings on submission.
Now that I have grown in my walk I see that God's natural order works best and I agree with my guy Leon, that there is no room for independence in a relationship. Most men would like to feel respected and needed in the relationship.
What I have come to know is this; it was a heavy burden trying to be so independent and having to be in control all the time, being the strong one. When I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, that weight was lifted from my shoulders. I gladly cast all of my cares on Him, and look forward to being encouraged, led, and protected by the strong Christian man that God has created for me according to His design. Well that's my two cents worth.
It says in Ephesians 5:33, " However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
A minister friend of mine likes to quote that verse to show the different ways that women and men approach relationships. He says, "It is easy for women to love, but not easy for them to respect. Men find it easy to give respect, but have a harder time with love".
John Eldredge points out in "Wild at Heart" that Adam was standing right there when Eve sinned. Adam abdicated his responsibility as the spiritual leader in the family and didn't try to stop Eve from sinning. That cuts right to the core of what is important to a man. A man wants to be respected. He wants to know that what he is doing matters. Man also wants to be loved and appreciated. I imagine that Adam was torn with indecision about what to do. Adam had the one true complete relationship with his wife before sin damaged us. The most perfect couple in the world, made for each other. Adam knew Eve was about to sin and he did nothing, I think, because he wanted to make Eve happy. Even the wisest man, King Solomon, ended up leading his nation to turn from God because he wanted to have the love and respect of his wives and let them worship their own gods.
From my years of Bible study, I think that God gave women and men some different aspects of His own being. I recommend that everyone read "Wild at Heart". John does an excellent job of explaing the difference and why.
As a black belt, I am used to people giving me respect. I don't demand it like some would and that's probably because of my faith. God has had me as His man since I was a boy and He has been working on me for 46 years.
I hadn't intended on being this long-winded, but I wanted to share my thoughts on why men can feel intimidated by an independent woman. I believe that men have God's provider aspect, and it is important for a man to be the provider. A man can feel like less of a man if he isn't living up to what he sees as important.
If a woman is independent, i think that most men wonder why the woman would even want to be with them.
Of course a lot of these issues have come about because of sin and the way that sin has distorted the roles that men and women have. We yearn for that perfect relationship that Adam and Eve had with each other.
Just thought I would jump in on this with my 3 cents...
Ches, in what respect are you speaking about independence? Some men say they like independant women, but when they get one who is such, there are problems. I think this may be, because when men speak of an independant woman, they are speaking about a woman who is not always tagging on to him, a woman who is free in making some decisions by herslef, or doing some things she enjoys by her self without always hangin on to him or sasking him what she should to , etc. If I'm wrong guys, please correct me.
Independance as in the manner Lydia speak, where the woman makes the man feel that he is not needed, and/or less than, and that he is not important in your life, because the woman can do all things... I don't think is independence, but rather arrogance and pride. Lydia, I too, USE TO BE like this as well... and there are a lot of women who think this is a show of her independence. But it is not... it really rebellion... I can do all things without you!:purpleangel:
Independence as in the woman being able to carry on with her livelihood as a person and woman, doing those things she enjoys without disrupting the relationship, and yet is a compassionate helpmate in the relationship to her man. This is real independence, as was the Proverbs 31 woman who is the perfect example of an independant woman, who carried on with her daily chores as a helpmate, mother, and her own business without disrupting the relationship. But then, how many men today, would be able to handle such a woman in reality without feeling not needed?
There are some women who must be right up under her man, and he can't move without her. I think desperate women in relationships are not good either especially, women who must have the man to tell her what, where, when, and how to do everything. This is a false balance.
I think there must be a balance of independence as in free to make choices without having to ask permission from her mate, dependence as in having the need to lean on her mate, and interdependence as in both she and he rely upon each other in a relationship, in order for it to work.
BTW, Blackbelt, Adam had everything he needed to start his houshold, BEFORE God gave him Eve. God had also instructed Adam as to the rules of the garden, and you'r'e right, Adam sat back and allowed Eve to take charge, and let the man wearing the snake skin pants to come into his home and disrupt his home. It was Adam's fault for sitting back and not taking charge as head of the household. Adam, Gave Eve tooooo much power and authority. Which is what's going on today in relationships in the home and church. Men sitting back and allowing the woman to take over. An independent woman is great if she knows how to properly use the gift of independance to build up and not tear down. why God calls this a foolish woman. And a man who allows a woman to do this in a relationship is slothful....:zzzz:
Long but what can I say, I got in at least 5 cents worth...:yay:
Sorry, Leon, but I must disagree with you that independence is a worldy concept and is not chrisitian. That's not true because the Gospel its self teaching us independence in the proper usage of the word.
When we become saved, we become independant set free from sin no longer in bondage free to make informed decisions. Dependant on God's for, and in all things, yet, Interdependant upon Him, in that, we work together with His Holy Spirit in obedience to carry out the His and our desires for our life, as He works with us to fulfill those desires, and our faith in making choices and decisions... just a thought:waving:
Hello, I have been reading the forum discussions for a little while now, but this is my first post.
I was taken to church as a young child, but was not taught about "How to be a Christian woman", at least not by example. Instead, my mother always taught me not to be dependant on any man.
As I grew up, I did just that. However, I also seemed to attract men that couldn't manage their own lives, so I did. Now that I have changed my life and began to learn things all over again, I know that is/was wrong.
I can relate to several of the posts of this topic. I am independant in the fact that I am self-sufficiant financially, I can take care of most of the chores that have to be done at my house (except for all the tree limbs in my yard! That ice storm has really taken it's toll!). As far as my household, it runs on a day to day basis without a man. As far as my emotions, I need a man. I think maybe God made us that way(females). I would love to be able to release all the "manly" responsibilities I take care of. But the men I have met that go to church and act responsibly, they don't run their households how it seems God wants us to, so I don't see myself being their helpmate. I loved the description ET gave us! That's exactly the kind of relationship I would love to grow in.
My friends have described me as a strong woman. The Bible says women are the weaker vessel, so does that mean I will have to have a husband that is that much stronger? I would love to have a husband to relinquish control of my life to, but it seems hard to find.
I have encountered men that were intimidated by independance, but what they don't understand is that my independance was born out of necessity. I have no one to do these things and they have to be done.
I hope this makes sense! :) I was trying to remember all that was included on previous replies. Please give me your opinions. Or ask more quesitons, if need be. I'd really like any advice on this topic. It's been on my mind for a while.
I think that was a great answer. You have a desire for the kind of relationship God wants us to have. I never meant that the man is to not be dependent on the woman as well. Just in different areas. Could you really respect a man that let you walk all over him? Most women do not. Just as they have no respect for an abusive husband. We are to become one flesh, bone of my bone. If you can not rely on and trust a man completely, how could this happen?
I do understand that most women are independent because they had to be. Men have been hammered in our society until they are afraid to say or do anything that might be politically incorrect. So we end up with a society of men who are afraid to be men.
Not me, I don't just believe IN God, I believe God. He said this is the way it should be, I believe Him. I don't care what the world thinks, I only care about pleasing God. I am going to be the man the Bible calls me to be. If I have to spend the rest of my life alone, so be it, but I will not be moved.
It would be very hard for me to respect a man that let me run over him. I would not want that at all!
I've come to the same mindset as you. If it is God's will for me to be alone, I will. I will not submit to a man that does not put God first and I feel that a man that cannot manage his household is not putting God first. I think there is a man out there somewhere that God intends for me to be with. I feel like He is preparing me daily.
May I ask you a related question?
I yearn for a child. Not just a child, but to raise a child in a loving, balanced Christian home. If God does not intend on giving me my desires, wouldn't He take that desire away?
Anyone elses opinions would be greatly appreciated also.
I have been asked similar questions many times and have even heard preachers say that this is the case. I have to say that I tend to agree that God will always make it easier if He calls you to a special circumstance. I think He is probably just grooming you and the man He has planned for you, into what He wants you to be.
I was searching all the time for a mate, and God told me to quit looking. I thought I was being called to celibacy. So, I didn't like it, but decided to be obedient. I stopped looking, and started doing what God had called me to do, help others. About the time I accepted the fact that I would be alone the rest of my life, God sent an incredible woman into my life. After some fasting and prayer, I understood what God was doing.
We have to keep our focus on Him, and He will bless us. I think your blessing is coming, but in the mean time, focus on what He wants. You won't be disappointed.
