The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 12 Oct, 2011 03:39 PM
Man: "I was wondering if you would llike to chat?
I love you smile and enjoyed your profile.
Let me know either way"
Me: "No I will not. You're not the kind of man I am looking for.
God Bless on your search. :)"
Man: "wow, that was very rude, best of luck to you"
This is to show the typical response of a man I have responded to to tell him I was not interested. Some guys go on to say how rude it is to ignore messages, and then these very guys get offended when you reply to them with rejection. The simple conclusion is, they think it's rude to not respond to them with interest.
He said to let him know either way. Which means he wants to know whether I will like to chat or not. My response is: "no I will not". And to avoid another message from him asking why I wouldn't want to chat, I kindly give an explanation: "You're not the kind of man I am looking for". And to further being nice and not come off as mean, I go on to give him good wishes on finding the girl that WILL be interested in him: "God Bless on your search"
After all that, I am still seen as rude. So, let's see: Reply to message with disinterest = rude or Ignore message = rude. Gee, which route should I choose??....I'd rather pick the latter where I am not wasting my time sending a message just so I can still end up as being "rude".
So this really isn't a question. Just a little insight to why SOME women ignore messages that could maybe help you understand there is no need to get offended by a rejection. Don't think of it as that you are not the right kind of man, you're just not the right kind of man for that specific woman and there are plenty of other women who will appreciate you for who you are. :applause:
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 12 Oct, 2011 09:28 PM
That really is great that you don't and I wish guys like you would respond to my rejection mail lol. Too bad the typical responders do. I would have no problem with sending a friendly "We don't make a good match" message or a generic one that this site offers if people didn't snap back at me for sending it. When I first came to this site, I sent the generic "not a good match" message and pretty much the guys would attack me saying things like, "you're not that cute anyways" or say that I'm rude, cruel, or snotty when a moment ago they were showing interest. Now I don't respond at all, and that has been working for me.
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 13 Oct, 2011 07:36 AM
I have read in these forums more than once that when a woman rejects the interest expressed to her by SOME of the male members here on CDFF they often retaliate with a nasty rude response. In which case I believe THAT his subsequent response pretty much validates her original opinion - lol. :ROFL:
In a venue such as this, where initial communication is based solely on words, (notwithstanding the use of the WINK) words can either ESCALATE or DE-ESCALATE the emotional response of the reader. In your case Cuddle, I think there is a much better way to respond to unsolicited interest. Telling a male "You're not the kind of man I am looking for." while being direct and to the point, totally lacks tact. First off -- there is no reason you need respond at all simply because you are contacted. A non-response is in fact a response. To alleviate further contact from someone you deem unsuitable all you need do is block that person. End of story.
However, if you are one of those people that feel it is bad manners NOT to respond to an interest inquiry, why go out of your way to place a negative connotation upon the male that expressed that interest by telling him he is NOT THE KIND OF MAN YOU ARE LOOKING FOR? Why do that? Do you not see by those words you have just told him he is unworthy of you -- and you don't actually tell him WHY he is unworthy -- leaving him to wonder what it is about him that caused you to reject him. Most men with intact self esteem will simply delete your tactless response and not give it another thought. A male with a more sensitive nature might be prompted to respond to your response -- and how do people react to having their feelings hurt? They lash out in anger--thus THAT could be the reason for him responding with ""wow, that was very rude, best of luck to you". When I read your response to him, I came away thinking the same thing.
If you really feel you need respond to men that write to you and you do not have a corresponding interest in getting to know them why not just use the auto-respond feature; Sorry, I dont think we would make a good match. That message says this, "I appreciate your interest in my profile but I don't think we would make a good match. Please dont be discouraged or take this message as being rude or impolite. I know that you will be blessed with love, success and happiness." That is a far more polite and tactful way of responding to unwanted interest than telling someone they are NOT WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. It was crafted to DE-ESCALATE a negative response from the viewer. You might try that sometime Cuddle :nahnah:
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 13 Oct, 2011 11:47 AM
Statie, I have used the generic "I don't think we are a good match" feature that is offered by this site (read above), and no matter what type of rejection response that I send, I still get the same typical response: "you're rude" "that was cruel" "you're not cute anyways".
Also, I made it clear that I do in fact ignore messages sent by people I am uninterested in on a frequent basis. I replied to the message that is shown in my first post so I can give an example to what happens IF I do respond. I agree with you, there is no reason for anyone to respond to a message if they're uninterested. After I have ignored them, most of them don't contact me again. The very few ones who do, get blocked.
"You're not the kind of man I'm looking for" is almost identical as "I don't think we will make a good match". They both make it clear that you're looking for something different but doesn't explain what that something is, and I think that's best for a man not to worry what that is. It's totally unimportant for them to know why. Also, by saying that I'm not looking for a guy like him, I am in no way saying he is "unworthy" of being with me. I am not trying to sound superior over him. It simply indicates that I have unique desires that do not match to his unique desires. No unique desire is better than another.
So I can conclude that it doesn't matter what kind of response I give them whether it is direct and to the point or dripping with syrup. Some of these guys will still take it as an offense to them when they need to realize that it is not the women's intention (most of us anyways).
The reason I made this post is to help out the guys to understand and not to take it personal if women ignore your messages or show that they are not interested and I really do wish them the best on finding someone who fulfills most of their wants and needs as they do hers. :)
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 13 Oct, 2011 03:49 PM
That is actually zero insight. I mean really? No no, it just clicked... So you're saying women reject men because they aren't interested in them? You just blew my mind. Also some of the women some of the time reject you for any reason and you never have any idea why you get rejected. As far as there being no need to be offended goes, that's pretty easy to say when you're the one doing the rejecting rather than being rejected.
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 13 Oct, 2011 07:08 PM
What other reason would a woman have to reject a man? Not being attracted to the man, having totally different interests, beliefs, ethics, etc...all fall under the many reasons the woman is not interested. Are you saying women reject men they ARE interested in? I've never heard of this, and if women do indeed do this, then it must be rare.
I get rejected too. I send messages that get ignored, and phone calls that are not returned and men send me messages that they are not interested in dating me. I don't see any beneficial reason why I should get offended. Yes, it's a bummer to be rejected, but I know the men do not intentionally mean to tell me I am less of a person or "unworthy". I acknowledge that they are looking for something different, and I'm just not it. With this in mind, I can still easily say all that I have to say about not taking it personal when you are ignored or rejected. I would never give advice to people to say, "It's okay to get offended by every rejection you receive and always wonder what is wrong with you so then you try to change the person you are or be discouraged in the dating world." I don't see what is so wrong about giving advice to men to keep their heads up and to know they are not inadequate or not good enough people.
Are you saying men need to know why they are being rejected? What if the reason was because she thought he was unattractive? I can't think of any nice way to explain to someone that they are unattractive to me.
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 13 Oct, 2011 07:13 PM
"You're not the kind of man I'm looking for" is almost identical as "I don't think we will make a good match".
I don't agree with this and think the former is much more curt and can easily be interpreted as insulting. I think the key is treating others as you want to be treated. Think carefully about how you would feel on the other end and try to come up with a response that would make you feel good but still communicate the "no."
Of course some of us, regardless of gender, are much more insecure than others. Being mature in your relationship with Jesus and fully realizing His acceptance helps but even the most mature of us can feel lonely and rejected at times. The enemy seems always present as the "accuser of the brethren" to make us feel unloved and unworthy.
How about something like...
"Thank you so much! Just your expression of interest is a big compliment. However, after checking your profile and some prayerful consideration, I don't believe we would make a good match. Blessings on your search. I'm sure God will bring about just the right person for you in his perfect timing."
Honestly, most of us are here to have our own needs met (me included). Let's try to think about how we can be a blessing to others too! Philippians 2:3-4
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 13 Oct, 2011 07:28 PM
"That would only be helpful if you were never interested in her in the first place, in which case he wouldn't even have bothered writing."
I fail to understand what you mean. If a man is interested in a woman, and sends her a message, and she ignores/rejects him, it is because in the most obvious cases that "she's just not that into you", but if he doesn't understand this, he will probably think "I'm just not a good enough person". He'll think he would have to change himself and who he is as a person just to prevent rejection, when all along there was nothing wrong with him to begin with. I see this happen and it is really sad. I see nice guys turn into total jerks because that's what they think they have to do in order to pick up a woman. I see decent girls turn into promiscuous women because they think that's what they have to do to get a man to want her.
So I do not see how this wouldn't be helpful to the average guy that is interested in a woman that is not interested in him. What is your advice to them then?
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 13 Oct, 2011 07:45 PM
"You're not the kind of man I'm looking for" is almost identical as "I don't think we will make a good match".
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They are NOT the same thing at all -- lol. While they invariably lead the reader to the same rejection, the former places a negative connotation on the shoulders of the rejectee while the latter is more ambiguous and comes across far less harsh. If you seriously cannot tell the difference Cuddle I would suggest you stick to my earlier suggestion. A NON-RESPONSE is still a response. :ROFL:
