Author	Thread: Do you really want independence?
Admin	Do you really want independence? Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 05:44 AM I am a strong, independent woman. I always have been and I always will be. In past relationships, I have told the guys I was seeing that I am independent and can take care of myself. They always start off saying that is what they want in a women and have been looking for. But as soon as the relationship gets going, they retract. They say that they are looking for a woman who needs her man and that I don't rely on them enough. How can I keep my independence but still make a man feel needed? Post Reply
jaybirdz View Profile History	Do you really want independence? Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 08:03 AM Well, I'm certainly too young to be an expert on this, but a few things did pop up to mind. Make no mistake, we do want independent women! For women who come off as needy and clingy, those actions are a byproduct of their own insecurities, and to me, that's what "independence" is. It's not being able to prove to your boyfriend that you can do everything yourself, it's being able to prove that you won't be needy and insecure like girls (and guys) can be, and it's a major turnoff. You also have the issue of space in the relationship. What's too much, what's too little? Once again, it's just showing that you don't need every second of his free time to be happy. Being independent is being secure in who you are. But, the question I have for you is, do you really NEED a man in your life? Wanting a man and needing a man are two completely different things, and it's something I got burned on in my last relationship (except I like women....totally like women :ROFL:). Personally for me, it's OK to know that my girlfriend has weaknesses and things that she struggles with. It's instinct for me to want to come help however I can, and sometimes it takes a significant other to strengthen you in ways that others cannot. Perhaps you try too hard to hide your weaknesses when we all clearly have them. It's natural for guys to want to help in this way, and the fact that you say that men complain that you "don't rely on them enough" is probably a poor choice of words, but it basically tells me that you don't communicate your weaknesses, and that's what men look for in women! I hope this helped. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do you really want independence? Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 08:18 AM While it is very true that guys don�t want a woman who hangs on her man for every decision, men have an instinctual need to be needed. They gain their self-worth by how much others need them. If you are very independent and don�t need him, then he will interpret that as you not wanting him. Most women have a need to depend on someone, which is why things usually work out. But, not every woman feels that need to depend on others, people have different levels of dependency. I�m rather curious, and you don�t have to answer this question publicly, but why are you looking to enter into a relationship, why is it that you want a man in your life? If you feel that you desire to have a man in your life, and you don�t feel called to be single, then you will need to learn to relinquish some control over your life and learn to lean on him. Either that, or you will need to search long and hard for a man who doesn�t care if anybody needs him either. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do you really want independence? Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 08:37 AM I've heard that true wisdom is found in the tension of opposites. I know alot of guys who like women who 'wear the pants'. So I'd say it all depends on individuals and their preferences. Post Reply
One_Sojourner View Profile History	Do you really want independence? Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 08:39 AM MissKellyRae, there is nothing wrong in being an independent gal who can open the door for herself, takes out the garbage, changes the oil in the car, mows the yard or unclog the toilet... in fact it's quite impressive:glow: but a fella may get to feeling useless before long if you won't hand the car keys over, let him open a door or ask for his opinion or his help... even if you could do it quicker or better and be done with it:winksmile: Myself, I like to know where I stand with a gal and also like to be needed/wanted/useful/helpful, the other guys can speak for themselves so i hope to see some of their comments here too. Maybe these suggestions aren't specific to your situations but hopefully might give you some simple ideas that may help and not compromise who you are... which is unique and wonderful! Post Reply
View Profile History	Do you really want independence? Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 09:20 AM I personally find that i like the Asian women a lot more than other cultures. I especially find the Chinese,Japanese,Korean, and Thai women very attractive,and very womanly. I personally have a lot of different talents,which would go to waste with an Independent woman. I find very hard a woman that drives a tractor and trailer. I find nothing feminine about that. Shalom Post Reply
View Profile History	Do you really want independence? Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 09:28 AM Power appreciates power, beauty appreciates beauty, peace appreciates peace. A man cannot truly appreciate a woman�s independence unless he is truly independent. If the man is dependent on you or certain circumstances in his life, be it his career, his reputation, than a lack of perceived dependence on the part of the woman will lead to the man feeling unneeded. Dependence also appreciates dependence. It�s just about finding out what type of person you are, and what you need. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do you really want independence? Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 09:46 AM Hi Live: Love the name: I had been raised by my mom,to be independant. I had been forced to this. I had been independant since the age of nine. I had been able to cook Clean house Do laundry,Wash,dry and fold Iron Sew Repair torn clothes I can do outside yard work All of this by the age of nine. I was working full time by 17 I also looked forward to the day of leaving the house. This was at 18,which also happened. I wanted to be part of the family,but i was treated as an outsider. So the word 'FAMILY' does not hold much for me. Friends are very important. I can count my friends on two hands,and closest friends on one hand. The two shall become one. Not the ONE shall be ONE,and the other shall be ONE. l am not looking for sympathy,just speaking the truth of what I had experienced. Just the tip of the big iceburg. Shalom Post Reply
Rabbit32 View Profile History	Do you really want independence? Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 12:45 PM well it depends on your definition of independance... and I dont know about extreme opposites as defined by dictionary.com: 1 not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself: an independent thinker. 2. not subject to another's authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free: I thinnk most who answer the question (in general) dont have an understanding ofindependance. I think it would help if you gave an instance, because I we cant see what you are experiencing Post Reply
View Profile History	Do you really want independence? Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 05:12 PM �I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.- Garry Shandling From the instance of Birth (and most certainly in The Womb) we are Dependent on Others. First Our Parents�then Teachers and many Others. At a Certain Age we �go out into the World��on Our Own � Independent. There are Men (and Women) that need to be In Control of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. These people do not want Independent Partners�they want Slaves. Others want Equals and look forward to that type of Relationship. And some want Others to run their lives. You can only Be Whom You Are! Be Yourself and Never Lower your Standards. Just as you Gave your Heart and Life to Christ and by Doing so have Created a Great Dependence on HIM (for All Things)�so too will you find yourself a little less Independent when you finally �give your Heart Away�. There is a Man out there Looking for a Strong Woman such as you�Don�t change�or he may not Recognize you! Post Reply
Rabbit32 View Profile History	Do you really want independence? Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 06:07 PM Thats assuming we are understanding what she is talking about from her perspective, or seeing the "mountain" as she sees it. When I hear independance I hear one word....pride; the "I can do it attitude on my own" attitude, which is contrary to scripture which says "apart from me you can do nothing". Not many men I know like a woman who has a problem with pride...Im not saying the author of this thread does, but more clarification is needed. Really if you think about it if we are to be transformed we become like Him which is contrary to who we was in the world. Post Reply

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