Author	Thread: Should RESPECT be unconditional?
Admin	Should RESPECT be unconditional? Posted : 3 Jun, 2011 11:31 AM There is a book out which some here may or may not be familiar with called: LOVE AND RESPECT by christian author Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The premise in a nutshell is based off Ephesians 5:33, "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.", the author (and co-writing wife) conclude that a majore issue in marriages today is that respect is not held as being given unconditionally. Let me elaborate on this subject. In most marriages Love is held as something that should be unconditionally given regardless of performance, personality, etc. Yet Respect is seen as something that has to be earned. The authors argue that Respect should be just as unconditional in a marriage as Love. They go so far as to say that well both need Love and Respect, men actually value (need) to be Respected more than Loved. Whereas, women would rather be Loved than Respected. I understand that this runs very counter cultural and against the grain of much of what most of us believe and are taught. But has our beliefs and teaching really been based on scriptural principle or worldly deception?I am curious to know your thoughts on the matter guys. Post Reply
View Profile History	Should RESPECT be unconditional? Posted : 3 Jun, 2011 11:37 AM See, the thing is... You can't make someone love you, can you? So how do you expect to make someone respect you? She has to respect you naturally. Post Reply
View Profile History	Should RESPECT be unconditional? Posted : 3 Jun, 2011 12:52 PM I should explain better, what is being suggested is not that respect or love should be forced, but should be equally given in a marriage (where they already exist in relationship between 2 people) without having terms attached to them. As christians we believe the ideal is that one marriage partner should choose to love another regardless of how much that partner may deserve it, not saying such a thing comes naturally, infact often such love comes unnaturally to us, and requires a change of heart. Similarly it is being suggested that respect be given, ideally, the same way. And this is an ideal something we need God's help to accomplish because it runs counter to our nature and attitudes. Post Reply
View Profile History	Should RESPECT be unconditional? Posted : 3 Jun, 2011 01:17 PM I misunderstood the first time, I agree with you wholeheartedly, love and respect in a marriage should be unconditional, sometimes in a marriage it will seem like a one way street, but it still ought to be that way. Both the man and woman should mutually respect and love each other, the women more or less value love whereas men value respect more, and should teach their children to respect each parent as well. I'd want to raise my children up to respect their father, and I'd want my husband to raise them up to respect their mother, so on and so forth. Thank you for bringing what you think to light. I'm sure a lot of people need to think more along these lines. Rachel Post Reply
View Profile History	Should RESPECT be unconditional? Posted : 3 Jun, 2011 01:23 PM Thank you for your answer, I appreciate your comments here and in other blogs I've read. Don't worry about misunderstanding, happens all the time with blogs, lol Post Reply
View Profile History	Should RESPECT be unconditional? Posted : 3 Jun, 2011 05:59 PM If your husband/wife has not "earned" your respect (yet), what in the world are you doing married to that person? Post Reply
View Profile History	Should RESPECT be unconditional? Posted : 3 Jun, 2011 06:03 PM I assume there must have been some dating before the marriage. It seems to me that the respect issue should have been worked through while dating and not made to wait until after the marriage. Post Reply
View Profile History	Should RESPECT be unconditional? Posted : 3 Jun, 2011 08:10 PM Hmm, yes, I think 2hisservice was also referring to well, having been married, and trying to KEEP that respect for your spouse, no matter how they've disappointed you. Just in the same way you should keep loving that spouse. I don't know, to me, being married is like adding to your family, you love family practically unconditionally. No matter how much your family disappoints you, you gotta love 'em. Post Reply
View Profile History	Should RESPECT be unconditional? Posted : 3 Jun, 2011 09:44 PM Thank you 2hiservice, You have just nicely said in one post what I've said poorly in a few posts over the last few days. Guess I should read the book!...lol Post Reply
View Profile History	Should RESPECT be unconditional? Posted : 4 Jun, 2011 04:05 PM It's a good book, helped me finally put into words too. Personally I like your posts challenging and very funny at times. Post Reply
Princekermit View Profile History	Should RESPECT be unconditional? Posted : 5 Jun, 2011 10:11 AM After much thought, prayer and scriptural study I say this: Respect from one's wife is a great deal like Salvation and/or Right-standing (aka righteousness). It, (respect) cannot be earned, it should be a perpetual free willingly gifted ongoing action on the part of the giver, to the recipient, based on two critical things, 1. His office, and two the nature of their relationship. We respect a Judge, a Fireman, or a street Cop, when they walk by us in Robes, Firefighting gear, or Uniform, because of the office that they charged with executing. They don't even have to be actively performing their office, for our respect, simply being who they are does it. However, the very same man, out of uniform.. reeking of alcohol, and day old sweat, while behind disheveled of attire would be deemed worthy of shunning (a gesture of supreme disrespect) And this is where critical point number two comes in: No matter what shape her husband is in, God still put the man into that office, and he is never discharged from that duty (excepting divorce) and is "ALWAYS" in uniform. Because of the nature of the two partner's relationship with each other.... {"so they are no longer two individual, but are now one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder." Mathew 19:6} The Husband must love (1 Cor. 13 for God's definition) his wife unconditionally, putting her before himself, living for her, and ready to Die for her. ***UNCONDITIONALLY love her*** How can we say a woman is not burdened of God to Respect ALL civil authorities, and then remove the office of Husband from God's chain of Command? We cannot. A word from a wife I have spoken with said: "I fear the Lord, therefore I respect my husband, as due him" The Husband, who often is also Father will stand before God and give an accounting of his leadership while he was charged with performing those duties. Post Reply

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