I have on several occasions posed this question to my friends -- both guys and girls -- and they have given me the same general answer, but I am always open to other points of view.
The thing is, I have been told on many occasions that I intimidate guys (which they then say is the main reason they, and other men, refuse to pursue me). Now I know none of you know me on a personal level, but from a guy's perspective, what intimidates you most in women?
For me personally, I know it's not a height factor (I'm 5'1"). However, I am a confident, independent woman who isn't afraid to do things on her own. I'm outgoing, love to play sports, and am not considered a real 'girly-girl'. This is who I am, and yet I scare away men. I'm not exactly desperate for a relationship, but I have always wondered why men find me so intimidating.
Alot of guys are afraid to talk to ( or pursue) attractive women for many reasons. They may feel like you already have plenty of other guys already pursuing you; they may have low confidence with themselves and think they aren't good enough to go out with you; or they may just go with the stereotype that attractive women have cold personalities and so they don't even want to try.
Now there is another thing, some guys (not all) feel that men are supposed to be stronger than women and because of that women need to be taken care of by men. Sometimes men are turned off by the independent type of woman, they are attracted to the cute girly-girl personality. Now, this is only in a few cases because each guy likes something different. Like me, I don't care if a girl is independent or needy. Most of the time, the reason guys are intimidated are from the reasons I listed in the first paragraph.
What an honest and forthright post! I would say first
that I wouldn't let any guy give you a complex about how
attractive you are and the gifts God has given you. You seem to be an emotionally healty person in the sense
that you are accepting of who you are. You like yourself. You believe in yourself. You respect yourself. You have confidence and courage. That is awesome, but not all people are able to do just that or admit that the real problem lies within their own heart and soul. For the men who say you intimidate them are displaying their own insecurities to you. It's really not that complex to figure out. They find it easier to make you feel bad about how your look rather than believe in who they are and that a pretty woman can actually like and love a man who looks ordinary. They probably question themselves as to why she would, and since they lack the courage and confidence to pursue you, they make you feel "flawed" in the process.These men can't get beyond themselves. If the man would be believe in himself more, truly like and respect himself, be more accepting of who he is on the outside and inside, then you would encounter less of these problems. Like the bible says... as a man thinketh so he is, you must be fully convinced in your own mind, and the measure in which you use to judge will also be used. So, these guys are only looking on the outside, they aren't fully convinced of who they are and what they can have or do, and it simply appears that these men are just emotionally undeveloped. Also, some men can't handle a woman who is independent as they can feel like it takes away from their masculinity and ability to be a man. Perhaps these men can only feel like a man when they look better and have more going on than the woman. Foolish I say! For me it comes down to the integrity of a person's heart, and the sincerity of their intentions towards me. While I am attracted to a certain type of woman, it's not limited to one who looks like a fashion model or who mirrors me exactly in my abilites, skills, gifts, goals, etc. Hope this helped a little?!
Great answer brother! Much wisdom in one so young. To me it is the second paragraph that holds the answer.
It comes down to preference, I prefer a woman that wants to act like a woman. She doesn't just want, but expects a man to be a man. My first wife was an independent woman, and I will never make that mistake again. There is nothing independent about a Christian marriage. The husband depends on the wife, and she depends on the husband.
I have to feel needed in a relationship, it is the driving force that keeps me focused. Some men don't like women to depend on them. I don't understand that, but it is who they are.
To me, seeing the word independent, and saying you would like to be married, is like saying, I want to see what divorce is like. The Bible tells us the wife is to be the help mate to the man. That doesn't sound very independent to me. It also says the two shall become one, as before, no independence. The Bible just doesn't support the idea of either party in a marriage being independent.
Thank you all so much for shedding a little light on my situation. I really appreciate having diverse points of view. It's funny how many guy friends I have who are just friends; and granted, I am completely blessed by their friendships and wouldn't want anything more from them, but with as much daily interaction I have with men none of them see me as anything more than "one of the guys". It is a very difficult label to get away from. Thanks so much for all your insight!
Just to clear something up (and I should have mentioned this first time I suppose); but my independence perhaps partially springs from the fact that I have no one to rely on. It's just me, so I have no reason to be dependent on anyone. And I completely agree that once married, the husband and wife should be dependent on one another for many things. But I am a woman who is fully capable to stand on two feet without help. Nor am I the type of person who waits around for a relationship with someone -- if I did that, I wouldn't have done a single thing in my life which is a waste of God's talents.
But even in a dating relationship, I do not believe the man and woman should be so dependent on one another because it displays some startling qualities (one of which is neediness/clingy attitude), that no one should want in a relationship. Very rarely is someone's first relationship their only relationship, and those that are are truly blessed.
there are a lot of different guys out there, and each have their different personalities that they will be attracted to and not attracted to, so i wouldnt just say "i scare away guys." Unless ur doing something sinful, then if ur normal personality has been scaring away guys, u may just be scaring away the ones that wouldnt have been good marriage material anyway.
As for what would scare me away, im not fond of the domineering type, the one that likes to make all the decisions and is very aggressive. The kind of girl that would slug u on the shoulder as part of her 'fun.' But my personality is more calm and not very confrontive, so its simply that im looking for more of what i am like.
It might also turn me off a bit if a girl was wearing one of those expensive business suits, but again, for some other guy, that might melt him into pieces.
It is not a man thing it is that person..because I personally am attracted to the self-confident women who know who she is and what she want out of life. I honestly think you should not give it to much energy because look at it this way as a blessing from God that have you covered for the right one and all the guys that feel intimidated was not the one.Trust me when God send him to you he will see you beyond how you look or what you have accomplished and flow with God and hook up with you and the friendship begin so sis DO NOT LOWER YOUR STANDARD BECAUSE YOU MAY ATTRACT A BUZZARD EAGLES FLY HIGH LOOKING AT THE STORM IN THE EYE AND RISE ABOVE IT OR DO YOU WANT A BUZZARD THAT HOPFULLY HE MAKE IT THROUGH.
Ravynwulf is right about men and highly attractive women.
You're very pretty, and you're athletic, too.
A lot of guys will assume that you have lots of guys chasing you, or they won't have the confidence to pursue you. Don't let it get to you, but try to make sure you're encouraging guys who show any interest in you. Most guys find it hard to approach any woman, afraid that they'll be seen as a bother, or afraid of being rejected, or unsure of the woman's availability.
If a guy knows you're receptive to his pursuit, he may shift into high gear and really take the lead in a relationship.
It is not a women Job to go out here way to comfort all the
guys that like her that she do not like.
A women need a confident man that Know who he is. I mean what man want a women he have to build up everyday just to have a relationship.
YOU SAID IF SHE IS RECEPTIVE YOU WILL GET IN GEAR AND TAKE THE LEAD:ROFL:
Brother my advice to you would be spend Time Meditating on who you are in Christ. Learn your own self value as a Man and get busy about that.
You will fine out that the ladies Love that in a Man. EVERY WOMEN WANT A LEADER NOT SOMEONE THEY HAVE TO TRAIN TO LEAD. A man with NO SELF-CONFIDENCE SET HIMSELF UP TO GET HURT.
Good sound advice. You need boldness in all you do in God's kingdom, even seeking a mate. You are the man, and called to lead your family. Most women are attracted to that. Read the OT for a while to find examples. Look at the 12 spy's sent to check out the promised land. The only 2 that ever got the promise were the 2 that weren't afraid.
