A Police K-9 squad car was parked by a sidewalk at a mall with the K-9 dog in the back seat. When the Officer returned to his unit he saw a little boy about 5 years old standing on the sidewalk staring at the back window.
"Mr Please Man...is that a dog?" the young boy asked with a serious look on his face...he was almost frowning.
"Why, yes son...that is a dog" answered the officer.
The boys lips were squashed together and he paused for a moment...still staring at that window...then asked the officer "Are you taking him to the lease station?"
The police officer was writing some notes, but stopped briefly to answer "Yes...yes I am"
The little boy took in a deep breath through his nose...turned and looking up at the policeman with his pouting lips and squinting eyes said
Ok- this may be a touchy subject but everyone does it, whether you want to admit it or not, no matter what your religious denominaton or gender may be.
I was in a resturant yesterday when suddenly I realized I desperately needed to (uh-hm) pass gass. The music was really, realy loud so I timed my gas with the beat of the music..........
After a couple of songs I started to feel better. I finished my coffee and noticed everyone was staring at me......Then I suddenly remembered that..........................................
You men & women are TOO much!! :applause: God bless you!
I've enjoyed contributing, and thanks Archie for the award!! I have to tell you though, I can never remember jokes enough to retell them in person, so these I'm just contribiting because I cheated and saved them! :yay:
Two friends had a long-standing golf game every single Thursday morning. Rain or shine, sleet or fog, they were out on the golf course, swinging away and enjoying themselves.
One week they meet as usual and get out on the course. On the 8th hole the course is right near a major road. While they were getting ready to tee off, a long line of cars drives by, headed by a hearse. The one man stops, takes off his hat, and holds it to his chest, waiting, until all the cars go by.
His buddy looks at him in amazement. "Wow!" he says. "You really know how to pay respects to the dead!"
"Well," says the other fellow. "It was the least I could do. After all, we had been married over 40 years!"
I'm sorry Grace & God'slamb, I can't believe I did that either-( I really didn't but I wish I could have been there though):excited:
TOP 9 REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN (& WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN)-There were 10 but I took out 1 because it was inappropriate:
9: I Think of you as my brother(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance")
8: There's a slight difference in our ages (I don't want to date my dad)
7: I'm not attracted to to you in "that" way (You're the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on)
6: My life is too complicated right now (I don't want you staying too late or else you may hear phone calls from the other guys I'm dating)
5: I've got a boyfriend (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben & Jerries)
4: I don't date men where I work ( I wouldn't date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building)
3: It's not you, it's me (It's you)
2. I'm concentrating on my career ( Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better then dating you)
1: Let's be friends ( I want you to hang around so I tell you in excrutiating detail about the other guys I go out with-it's that male perspective thing)
TOP 9 REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY MEN (And what they actually mean)-had to whittle these down too:
9:I think of you as a sister (You're ugly)
8: There's a slight difference in our ages(You're ugly)
7: I'm not attracted to you in "that" way (You're ugly)
6:My life is too complicated right now ( You're ugly)
5: I've got a girlfriend (You're ugly)
4: I Don't date women where I work ( You're ugly)
3: It's not you, it's me (You're ugly)
2: I'm concentrating on my career( You're ugly)
1: Let's be friends (You're really ugly)
Ok now ya'll, these are just jokes. Not all guys (or women) really think this way. 'specially me!
You don't have to fib! You KNOW that's what you men are "really" meaning:rolleyes: That was pretty good!! I'll have to definitely print these out and put them on the fridge... "Rejection Lines by Men"... :rolleyes::goofball:
I laughed! Thank you for that!!
p.s. Don't even think I'm fissin' to divuldge the codes we women do have either!! lolol... ~ GraceMae
Ima no good with jokes so I by-passed tossin in but have been readin an laughin...:ROFL:.Yall
Grace~ Ima fill in my GUT instinks on this an be honest...
TOP 9 REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN (& WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN)-
9: I Think of you as my brother ~ Its TRUE...nothin more.
8: There's a slight difference in our ages ~ Dude yer jus to Imature for me...like my lil brothers age...YUK..!!!or...Ima not datein a Dinosaur...YUKYer..!!!
7: I'm not attracted to to you in "that" way ~ I'm jus not feelin the Magnetic Attaction...:rolleyes:
6: My life is too complicated right now ~ Could well be True..or...Dang !!! he's really interested an now ima not so sure...Yikes !!!...or...Ya took to long ta make yer mind up an now I got other Plans...Plan (B)..BE with Jesus an have Him help figer out why my life is so complicated...????...:goofball:
5: I've got a boyfriend ~ Could be True....or...Actualy would like to have one...jus not You...so...(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben & Jerries)....:bouncy:
4: I don't date men where I work ~ I dont meet my Honey where I make my $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$....My personal Quote...:yay:
3: It's not you, it's me ~ Women do get Confuzed...let me think bout it...ok...(It's you)...:laugh:...Kiddin...:winksmile:
2. I'm concentrating on my career ~ True...career and goals...important ta self growth...or...I jus aint got no time...
1: Let's be friends ~ True...Maybe jus wantin someone ta hang out with...bounce ideas off...chat, movies, bowlin, etc....etc....xo
Ok this really happened to me. My friend had borrowed my car and backed it into a parked car so I had to replace the tail light. I called a wrecking yard to see if they had a tail light for it. They had one and said they would put it on hold for me.
When I got to the wrecking yard I told them I was there for a tail light. One of the guys that works there held up a tail light and said, "Does it look like this?" I said , " nope, mine is all busted up. That's why I'm here. Here's yer sign!"
The owner behind the counter had to sit down cuz he was so hard.
so hard.