A Police K-9 squad car was parked by a sidewalk at a mall with the K-9 dog in the back seat. When the Officer returned to his unit he saw a little boy about 5 years old standing on the sidewalk staring at the back window.
"Mr Please Man...is that a dog?" the young boy asked with a serious look on his face...he was almost frowning.
"Why, yes son...that is a dog" answered the officer.
The boys lips were squashed together and he paused for a moment...still staring at that window...then asked the officer "Are you taking him to the lease station?"
The police officer was writing some notes, but stopped briefly to answer "Yes...yes I am"
The little boy took in a deep breath through his nose...turned and looking up at the policeman with his pouting lips and squinting eyes said
I don't know if this is very funny but I love this story.
A man was going out to lunch with a co-worker one day. They were walking down the street when they saw a little boy standing on the corner. One of the men said to the other, "This kid is really stupid. Watch this" They approached the boy and the man took a nickle and a dime out of his pocket and told the boy to take whichever one he wanted. The boy took the nickle and said, "Thanks Mister!" As they walked away the first man said, "See what I mean! Every day I do that and the kid always takes the nickle! You'd think he'd be smart enough to take the dime!"
When they were returning from lunch the second man let his friend go on ahead to the office while he stopped to talk to the little boy who was still at the corner. He asked the boy,"Why do you always take the nickle? Don't you know the dime is worth more?" "Yes, said the boy, but if I take the dime he'll stop playing the game!"
Thunder--- I got the joke!! Smart thinking that little one!! Get more money when he keeps taking all the nickles!! Shrewd little player! :laugh: ~ GraceMae
Glad yawl are having fun. I really enjoy this. It makes me feel like I'm part of something.:peace:
Here's one to make EVERYONE mad at me:
One day 3 blondes were walking on the beach when they saw that something had washed up on the shore.
The first blonde shouts,"It's a dinosaur!"
The second blonde tells her,"No dummy, it's the Titanic, duh!"
The third blonde chuckles."You're both dumb, it's obviously a genie in a bottle." She then picks up the bottle and prceeds to rub it. Sure enough, a genie pops out!
The genie stretched, looked around and saw the 3 blondes. "Normally, I grant 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant 1 wish each."
The first blonde steps forward,"Ok, I don't like being a dumb blond, so I want to be 50% smarter."
The genie bobs his head and says,"Done!" and turns her into a brunette.
The second blonde says "I don't like being a dumb blonde either, I want to be 100% smarter." The genie turns her into a redhead.
The last blonde ponders her wish for a monent, and said,"I like being a dumb blonde. I want to be 100% dumber!"
A blonde sees an ad in the paper from a wealthy man looking for someone to paint his giant wrap-around porch. He's offering to pay $100 - final. The blonde goes to answer the ad, knocks on the door and says, "I'm here to paint your porch." The wealthy man asks if she understands that the MOST he will pay is $100. She nods her head, so he points to the paint and tells her to knock on the door again when she's done and he will inspect her work.
About 20 minutes later, the blonde knocks on the door. "I'm done!" she tells him. "You're done painting the porch already?" he asks, to which she replies "Yep! It's painted!" Not believing her, he says again and with an annoyed tone, "You're DONE painting the ENTIRE porch?" Feeling a little insulted at his disbelief, she puts her hands on her hips and says, "Yes. I told you I was done. And by the way, it's not a porch. It's a Lamborghini."
Hope ya'll ain't still mad at me for that last one.
(I thought of another one to make up for it!)
There were 3 construction workers that always got the same thing for lunch. All of them were getting tired of eating the same thing over and over again every day.
1st worker: I hate sandwiches, if I get another sandwich for lunch again tomorrow I'm jumping off that bridge!
2nd worker:Oh my gosh! If I see another taco I'm going to jump off that bridge tomorrow!
3rd worker: Beans Again?!! I will jump off that bridge tomorrow if I get beans for lunch again!
The next day they all got the same thing for lunch, so each jumped off the bridge and died.
Their wives were inconsolable.
1st wife: If I knew that he was going to do that, I would have never packed him sandwiches!
2nd wife: If I knew he would do that, I would have never packed him tacos!
3rd wife: If I knew he would do that, I would have never let him pack his own lunch.
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey - why the long face?"
A piece of rope was feeling a little down. It was a bit dirty and worn and its edges were getting a big raveled. Even the knot in itself was coming loose. So it went into a bar for a drink. The bartender told the piece of rope, "Hey - you need to leave! We don't serve rope in here!"
Desperate, the rope blurted out, "I'm not a rope -- I'm a frayed knot!"
(Ok, yeah, that was lame)
Did you hear about the guy who was in a bar and bet the guy next to him he could bite his eye? The guy agrees to the bet, so the man takes out his false teeth and bites his eye. A little chagringed, the other man hands over the money. The first guy says he can get his money back - he wil bet him that he can bite his other eye. Well..... the man knows this guy has only one set of false teeth and he can't see how he can lose, so he bets. The man takes out his false eye and bites it.
(ok, ok. I'll come up with something better than that. Though I'm having a hard time keeping up with Ed and Gracie!)
It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?"
The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."
"And why did you take him?"
The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."
Isn't that really sweet? :rolleyes:
The 3 stages of man:
1 - He believes in Santa Claus.
2 - He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
3 - He is Santa Claus.
A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. "What denomination?" asked the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 30 Catholic, 10 Baptist ones, 20 Lutheran, and 40 Presbyterian."
