A Police K-9 squad car was parked by a sidewalk at a mall with the K-9 dog in the back seat. When the Officer returned to his unit he saw a little boy about 5 years old standing on the sidewalk staring at the back window.
"Mr Please Man...is that a dog?" the young boy asked with a serious look on his face...he was almost frowning.
"Why, yes son...that is a dog" answered the officer.
The boys lips were squashed together and he paused for a moment...still staring at that window...then asked the officer "Are you taking him to the lease station?"
The police officer was writing some notes, but stopped briefly to answer "Yes...yes I am"
The little boy took in a deep breath through his nose...turned and looking up at the policeman with his pouting lips and squinting eyes said
ok ya'll- You guys have had better ones but here goes:
Forrest Gump dies and St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, "Welcome, Forrest, we've heard a lot about you." He continues,"Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here so we had to start giving people an entrance exam before we let them in."
Forrest say,"OK, I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test. Mama use to say that life was like a final exam. It's hard."
St. Peter said,"Yes Forrest, I know. But this test only has 3 questions. Here they are."
1. Which 2 days of the week begin with the letter "T"?
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
3. What is God's first name?
"Well sir," said Forrest,"The first one is easy. Which 2 days of the week start with "T". Today and Tomorrow."
Peter looked surprised," Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for but you have a point. I'll give you credit for that one."
"The next question." said Forrest,"there are 12 seconds in a year."
"Twelve?!" replied St. Peter,"How did you come up with that?"
"Well, sir," said Forrest. "The second of January, the second of February, the second of March..."
St. Peter interrupted him, "I see what you mean, I'll give you credit for that one too."
"As for the last question," said Forrest," I think God's name must be Andy."
"Andy!" said St. Peter "How did you come up with Andy?"
"I learned it in church, we used to sing about it." Forrest replied,"Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tell me I am His own!"
St. Peter opens the gate to Heaven and said "Run, Forrest, run!"
"What did you teach?" ROTFL!!!!! :applause: :ROFL: :ROFL:
I've heard the one about Forrest Gump before. Cute.
I thought of another one.
An older couple (side note: read "older" as anyone 20 years older than how old you are now, 'kay?) ..... so as I was saying, an older couple invite another older couple over for dinner.
They have a good dinner, lots of good talk and laughs. Afterwards, the ladies bring the dishes into the kitchen and are getting coffee ready while the men wait in the living room. The host says to his guest, "The wife and I went to the best restaurant the other day! Boy - it was our first time and let me tell you, the food was terrific and the service was outstanding. AND it didn't cost an arm and a leg!"
"Sounds great!", his guest said. "I want to take my wife there. What was the name of the place?"
The host scratches his head and rubs his chin. "Hmmmm....name. Name. Ah -- what's the name of that flower - you know the one I mean. It comes in different colors, it is made up of a bunch of different petals, the stalks are really long. You know -- the stalks usually have thorns on them?"
"Do you mean a rose?" asked his guest. "A Rose! That's it!" the host says in gratitude. Then he turns in his chair and yells into the kitchen, "Hey - ROSE! What was the name of that restaurant we went to the other night?"
Three guys had to cross a lake. The first guy prayed to God for strength. He swam across but almost died 5 times.
The second guy prayed to God for strength and tools. He built a boat, rowed himself across the lake, but almost died 3 times.
The third guy prayed to God for strengh, some tools, and some brains. He turned into a girl, walked 4 yards, and crossed the bridge.:rolleyes:
A Minnesota couple decide to vacation in Florida for the winter.They planned to stay in the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 25 years earlier.Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules;so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room so he decided to send his wife an email. However, he accidently left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without noticing the error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile......somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had died suddenly of a heart-attack.The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from family and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
Her son rushed into the room, found his mother lying on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived:
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have checked in.I see that everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow.I'll be seeing you then. Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
Wow!!! all of them are :ROFL: :ROFL: my neighbors will call the police because of my :ROFL: :ROFL:
They are all goooooood!!! :peace:
I have found these ones:
There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door."
Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."
Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?"
�
A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it. "Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.
"Yes, that was it!"
"You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!"
"Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther."
///
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"
///
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied...."Yes, and they WALKED everywhere they went!"
There are very few places that make me feel warm and good...this is one of them.
Look around at those that give of themselves so easily...so freely. They are Rare Flowers. They are Love Manifest...God's Grace Revealed. And we are so lucky to be able to call them Sister...Brother.
Thank You!! Thank You!! Thank You!!
I truly feel like a child around all of you. You bring out my playful nature.
I Love All of you! (Well...almost all. There's one of you that...)(never mind)
Ah! Arch, .. you have the ability to make us/me laugh and ... yes, sometimes cry too...
I have seen you all here for two months now and I have seen that some of you all [Ole, Walter... just mentioning the old ones... I mean, the old one in this Forum... you know ... ehem! :rolleyes: ] you all are "the leaders" of "our group"... One of you in some themes other in other matters...
You are a combination... a weird combination.... Thanks.
When I get home I rush myself in my "home duties" and run to my PC to meet with my friends here, my church in the cyberspace.... to laugh and learn with the ones who are wise, and with my wise and sweet sisters here...
... Wisdom and sweetness... Hum!! .... combination which God has "inserted" ONLY in women... ha!
