A Police K-9 squad car was parked by a sidewalk at a mall with the K-9 dog in the back seat. When the Officer returned to his unit he saw a little boy about 5 years old standing on the sidewalk staring at the back window.
"Mr Please Man...is that a dog?" the young boy asked with a serious look on his face...he was almost frowning.
"Why, yes son...that is a dog" answered the officer.
The boys lips were squashed together and he paused for a moment...still staring at that window...then asked the officer "Are you taking him to the lease station?"
The police officer was writing some notes, but stopped briefly to answer "Yes...yes I am"
The little boy took in a deep breath through his nose...turned and looking up at the policeman with his pouting lips and squinting eyes said
Ok, enough ribbing the women (no pun intended-get it, -ribbing....) annnnyway, here's a couple more I dredged up:
Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
:ROFL::eat::ROFL:
This one's a little better:
Sherlock Holmes and Watson were on a camping trip down here in Harrison, Arkansas. As they settled in for the night, Sherlock turned to Watson and said,"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"And what does that tell you?" Sherlock ask.
Watson replies, "Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me God is great and we are small. Meteorologically, it tells me we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Sherlock replied, "Watson, you bonehead, somebody stole our tent!"
PS- sorry if it seems I'm hogging this thread. I guess I don't possess the intelligence to answer some of Archi's theological challenges, and besides, you folks are such good sports!
CE-- I'm still rolling on your definitions of words for women! Thanks for providing the stimulus to get us going and make us smile!! :dancingp: ~ GraceMae
Hey, God's lamb, I'm still waiting! I need some help! I'm running out of funnies!
This one really happened:
In 1982, I was taking some classes at the University of Ga. One day after class, I went to the local mall, The North Dekalb Mall. I was browsing around Dillards, looking at watches, when the girl behind the counter ask me." Do you have P S D S?" I said "pardon?" Again she asked,"Do you have P S D S?" Earlier tha weekend, I had a reaction to poison oak, and had a small rash on my neck & I feared she thought I had some type of disease. "I'm sorry", I said, "I just have poison oak, it's nothing contagious." "I don't know what P S D S is". She looked at me like I had lost my mind or something, pointed to the earings in her ear, and said, "DO You HAVE PSDS?" It was then I realized she was asking me if I had pierced ears!! :rolleyes:
Ok, this one happened too, it wasn't funny at the time:
When my son was about 2 or 3, there was some construction work going on outside our house. My son just loved sitting on the porch watching the dump trucks, bulldozers and all working. He would sit out there for hours playing with his Tonka toys I bought him. Anyway, one day I had to go to the store for my wife. I had my son in the shopping cart and we were waiting to check out. We were behind a heavy set lady and her pager went off and started beeping.. As loud as he could, in front of about a dozen people, my son said,"Watch out Daddy, I think that lady is fixing to back up!" Talk about embarrassed! People stared , that lady gave me the meanest look I had ever seen,I couldn't get out of that store fast enough!
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."
God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?"
God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he telll? :dancingp: :rolleyes: ~ GraceMae
EDW, you've been SERVED! Way to throw those :boxing: lines, Agnos! LOLOL My favor-ite, however, was the froggie at the bank -- and Little Johnny of course.
Here's a fresh one from the weekend: Moses came down from the mountain hefting the stone tablets and says to the people: " I've got some good news and some bad news. The Good News is I talked Him down to Ten . . . The bad news is, Lying, Stealing, and Cheating are still on the list.":angeldevil:
Moses, Jesus, and an old man went golfing. Moses went first. He sighted, lined up his shot, and swung. The ball went down the fairway, then angled over to the big water hazard. Moses dropped his driver and held up his arms. The water parted, the ball rolled along on dry land between two walls of water, and then rolled over to the other side and up onto the green.
Next up, Jesus. He lined up his shot and hit a good one. It, too, headed for the water hazard. Jesus held up on hand, and the ball skipped along on top of the water in the hazard, bounced back onto the grass and rolled up onto the green.
Then it was the old man's turn. He tottered slowly over, slowly bent and put his ball down, then feebly swung a terrible swing. Bam! The ball took off, a wicked left hook. It bounced off a tall pine tree on the edge of the course and onto the freeway next to the course, where cars were whizzing by. The ball bounced off the side window of a huge semi and back onto the course, where it riccocheted off trees, flew across the green, and into the water hazard. Just as it was about to sink under the water up popped a frog, who grabbed it in his mouth and began to swim to the green. Just then, an eagle swooped down out of no where, picked up the frog, circled once, then dropped the frog on the grass. Out popped the ball, and just then a squirrel ran up, picked up the ball, ran up the short hill to the green, scampered across the green, and dropped the ball in the hole --- a hole in one!
Moses turned to Jesus and said, "Man, I hate playing with your Dad!"
We often wonder if we look as old as some of the people around us and those that we grew up with. Here is a story about just that...
My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which had his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High school.
'Yes. Yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.
'When did you graduate?' I asked.
He answered, 'In 1967. Why do you ask?'
'You were in my class!' I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat, gray-haired man asked, 'What did you teach?'
, that lady gave me the meanest look I had ever seen,I couldn't get out of that store fast enough!