A Police K-9 squad car was parked by a sidewalk at a mall with the K-9 dog in the back seat. When the Officer returned to his unit he saw a little boy about 5 years old standing on the sidewalk staring at the back window.
"Mr Please Man...is that a dog?" the young boy asked with a serious look on his face...he was almost frowning.
"Why, yes son...that is a dog" answered the officer.
The boys lips were squashed together and he paused for a moment...still staring at that window...then asked the officer "Are you taking him to the lease station?"
The police officer was writing some notes, but stopped briefly to answer "Yes...yes I am"
The little boy took in a deep breath through his nose...turned and looking up at the policeman with his pouting lips and squinting eyes said
A man had just finished reading (it can happen) "Man of the House"
He stormed into the kitchen, walked directly up to his wife, pointed a finger in her face, and said:
"From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of the house and my word is LAW! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight,and when I've finished eating my meal I expect a scrumptous desert. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. And after my bath, do you know who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied," the funeral director would be my guess."
Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked. "Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee." "Oh, that's awful!" "You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."
Hi Edw... believe me, I have spent a valuable time counting the peas contained in a medium size can yesterday.... Uff!!!! I gave up!!! ... poor woman... :ROFL:
Your Best Reasons to enjoy being a Man are amazing... [[[[Now... between you and me, here... speaking in a very low voice... for nobody else to listen... I would "disappear" the number twelve... be careful... but, this is just between you and me... No more talking about that, Ok?... Sssshh!! :rolleyes: ]]]]
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This week I am at home & playing house husband. My wife left a list of things I need to do. This is soooooo easy I thought I would share it with you.
1). Make the beds......
What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that.
Scratch one.
2). Pick up dog poop in yard.......
It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop?
Scratch two.
3). Drop your shirts off at the cleaners.......
Duhh I'm on vacation I don't need them.
Scratch three.
This is easy, what's the fuss. Think I'll go on the computer for a while.
4). Mop kitchen floor.....
The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me.
Scratch four.
Good doggie go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow... I hope there is no dog poop...
5). Find something fun for the kids to do.....
That tin foil in the microwave thing was kinda fun.
Scratch five.
This is way too easy I'll have lots of time for the computer
6). Vacuum the carpets......
That's a hard one....... Hey kids wanna have some more FUN.
Scratch six.
7). Feed kids lunch.....
Hey kids, don't you have a friend�s house to go too?
YESSSS Scratch seven!!
Boy O Boy am I good, lunch time. Pour some chili into the cracker bag & eat. Taaa daaa no lunch dishs
8). Do laundry.....
No problem I can do that while I'm on the computer
Scratch eight.
9). Fold laundry.....
Ya know I never noticed how many pink things this family actually wears. Gonna have to ask da little lady why she buys me pale pink underwear??
Scratch nine.
10). Water the Christmas tree...
Oop's!... good thing the carpet is absorbent.
Scratch ten.
11). Grocery shopping, Buy toilet paper.......
These old newspapers will do, besides, that's recycling & that's good for the earth....
Scratch eleven.
Wonder who's on the computer. I have plenty of time.
12). Make dinner.....
Easy, "Hello do you deliver? uhhh double that, Ya know we will need more dinner tomorrow".
Scratch twelve.
WOW all done. Man this is sooooo easy. Still time for some more computer and a nap..... Women must complain about house work just to make us guys think they're working.
Sorry 'bout #12 ya'll, guess I wasn't thinkin'! Hope I didn't offend anyone. I'll come up with some better ones, I promise, soon as I get thru bleaching all my pink laundry!:glow:
FINE: I was right. The argument is over. You need to shut up.
THAT'S OK: One of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. It means she wants to think long & hard before deciding when & how you'll pay for your mistake
NOTHING: The calm before the storm.This means something and you better be on your toes.(Arguments that end in "nothing" usually start with "fine.")
FIVE MINUTES: when getting dressed, this means half an hour.(Don't get mad ladies, it's the same definition for us when its our turn to do something around the house)
THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say "you're welcome" and let it go.
LOUD SIGH: Not really a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you're an idiot and wondering why she is wasting her time arging with you about "NOTHING"-(see #3)
GO AHEAD: This is a dare, NOT permission. (Don't do it!)
I GOT IT: The second most dangerous statement a woman can make.This means a woman has ask a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself.(This will result in you asking her later, "what's wrong?"- For her response, see #3
Remember guys,- A woman ALWAYS has the last word in an argument, anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new augment!
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no reason for two people to remember the same thing.
Now. seriously... I really thinks that a man is THE MAN OF THE HOUSE... the ONE WEARING PANTS... Yes, yes... They have to say the last word at home always, always ... listen ladies... they always say the last words: " Yes, honey.... as you wish..."
