A Police K-9 squad car was parked by a sidewalk at a mall with the K-9 dog in the back seat. When the Officer returned to his unit he saw a little boy about 5 years old standing on the sidewalk staring at the back window.
"Mr Please Man...is that a dog?" the young boy asked with a serious look on his face...he was almost frowning.
"Why, yes son...that is a dog" answered the officer.
The boys lips were squashed together and he paused for a moment...still staring at that window...then asked the officer "Are you taking him to the lease station?"
The police officer was writing some notes, but stopped briefly to answer "Yes...yes I am"
The little boy took in a deep breath through his nose...turned and looking up at the policeman with his pouting lips and squinting eyes said
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard
'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack."Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger,
his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" (you're gonna love this)
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone." (You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........) Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!..HEEE HEEE!!!!!
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his
wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was only a few days off, he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
"I'd like to be six again," she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a
nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and later took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the
Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to McDonald's where he ordered her a
Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake . Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally,
she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed
exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size!"
The Moral of the story: Even when a man is listening,
Studies have discovered that children will laugh around 400 times a day! That's 400 laughs coming out of them.
Adults emit on average 15...15!! Folks we need to laugh more. We HAVE to laugh more!! WE need to start changing the channel around the news time...play more "fun" games...designate one day a week where all at home you cannot pass a family member with out a hug and a "hip bump" (where you "bump" hips together)...me personally I prefer a kiss (mom only).
Keep Laughing!!
If you could only see how radiant and beautiful you all look like when you are .
We are attracting Angels. They have come to watch us laugh. Let's put on a show for them.
Come on men...we need those "Deep Chuckles and Gafaws". Hey! Chuckles and Gafaw? They sound like a Law Firm.
A Island King would have a Gold Throne made for him every Birthday. On his 21th Birthday his subjects again made him a Golden Throne and after much celebration they carried it to his Grass Hut where the stoled it away in his attic with the other 20 Golden Thrones.
The next morning the villagers awoke to find that their King was dead! Apparently, during the night -- the weight of all those Golden Thrones was too much to support and they came crashing down on the King and killed him.
The moral of this story is:
"People who live in Grass Houses shouldn't Stole Thrones!"
The dog sending a telegram and the little boy telling about the Bible -- GREAT!! :applause:
The punch line I remember is: "Its a Knick Knack, Patty Whack! Give the Frog a Loan!" (but it was still funny how you told it)
Here is one I thought of:
A man takes his dog to a talent scout. "My dog talks!" he told him. The scout was very skeptical, but the owner insisted that the dog really did talk - very well. They both could make a lot of money. So, reluctantly, the scout agrees to hear the dog.
The man looks at the dog. "Rover?" the dog is attentive. "What goes on top of a house?"
"ROOF!" the dog says immediately.
The scout, impatient, is ready to throw them out. "No, no! Just wait! He really talks!" the owner says.
The man looks at the dog again. "Rover? How does sand paper feel?"
"RUFF!" the dog says immediately.
The scout has had it and starts coming around the desk to throw them out. "Wait! Let me just ask one more!"
"Rover? Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"RUTH!" the dog says.
They both get thrown out of the talent scout's office. As they sit there on the sidewalk, the dog turns to the man and asks,
Arch, men missing out here! I think us women- better participants here!! :yay:
Ok, here's my offering for the day...
On a cartoon�
Two people in a car driving down the road. The driver is holding a cell phone. The passenger says �Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you�d like to meet him! � :rolleyes::goofball:
we would cry!!!